the 4th star

This is one of the easier weeks on the suicide schedule.

Or is it? Don’t be like that, honey. Tell me, who should I take?

WEEK SEVEN           
Seattle at Cleveland    
Atlanta at Detroit            
Houston at Tennessee    
Denver at Miami            
San Diego at NY Jets        
Chicago at Tampa Bay            
Washington at Carolina                
Pittsburgh at Arizona                
Kansas City at Oakland            
Green Bay at Minnesota            
St. Louis at Dallas            
Indianapolis at New Orleans            
Monday
Baltimore at Jacksonville

Bye: Buffalo, Cincinnati, New England, NY Giants, Philadelphia, San Francisco

Yay, the Jets won! And the Jets won?

Serious question: Is Miami a CFL expansion team?

Sadly, no changes after WEEK SIX, which goes to show you that this is serious business. The scare of two weeks ago has made this whole experience ‘real’ now, hasn’t it? On that note, those of you who haven’t taken the Giants will be happy to hear that the G-Men are on the bye next weekend. No worries there.

Also going to throw a little love to the Hungarian Hammer for his ability to find wins with crappy teams. Look at his list. My goodness. You could make the case that not one of those clubs (except maybe the 49ers) can make the playoffs this season.

That’s what you get when you play Ryan Leaf in soccer as a pre-teen hammer.

wazoowazny: Houston, NY Jets, San Diego, Tampa Bay, Detroit, Pittsburgh
CHAPPER: Arizona, Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Tampa Bay, NY Giants, Green Bay
Vedder: San Francisco, Buffalo, Tennessee, Tampa Bay, NY Giants, Cincinnati
Hungarian Hammer: San Francisco, Detroit, Carolina, Chicago, NY Giants, NY Jets
AspenPT: Arizona, Detroit, Carolina, Green Bay, NY Giants, Pittsburgh
Masterclark: New England, NY Jets, Pittsburgh, New Orleans, NY Giants, Green Bay
ET: Arizona, NY Jets, San Diego, Atlanta, NY Giants, Green Bay
MDB: Arizona, NY Jets, San Diego, Green Bay, NY Giants, Pittsburgh
KP: Houston, Pittsburgh, San Diego, Green Bay, NY Giants, New England
JDEW: Cleveland, Green Bay, Carolina, Tampa Bay, New Orleans, NY Jets
Patty: Kansas City, NY Jets, Tennessee, Chicago, Pittsburgh, Oakland
Boday: Kansas City, Detroit, Pittsburgh, Green Bay, New Orleans, Cincinnati
Hudsy: Cleveland, Pittsburgh, San Diego, Tampa Bay, NY Giants
ZIFF: San Diego, Pittsburgh, (no selection), Green Bay, NY Giants
BS: Arizona, Atlanta, Baltimore, Buffalo, Carolina
SS: Cleveland, Detroit, Pittsburgh, Green Bay, NY Giants
KO: Tennessee, Pittsburgh, San Diego, New Orleans, Indianapolis
Gerardus: San Francisco, Chicago, Cincinnati, Buffalo
DKUN: Cleveland, NY Jets, New England
NCMF: Cleveland, (no selection)

Seriously, how about them?

If I see any more Tweets about how ‘winning doesn’t matter’ and how ‘it’s just great to have a team back’ I’m going to lose it. What fantasy world are we living in where winning in sports doesn’t matter? It’s the only thing that matters in sport! Who won, who lost? To end this mini-rant (a rant that has a lot more legs to it, as you can tell), let’s look at a place where winning does matter — the WEEK SIX selections. Win and you stay in.

Hungarian Hammer: NY Jets
MDB: Pittsburgh
CHAPPER: Green Bay
Masterclark: Green Bay
ET: Green Bay
KP: New England
Vedder: Cincinnati
wazoowazny: Pittsburgh
JDEW: NY Jets
AspenPT: Pittsburgh
Patty: Oakland
Boday: Cincinnati

Football lovers of American football, please note the quality of games this week. Eagles-Redskins is a microwavable rivalry; Niners-Lions in a battle for some bizarro NFC supremacy; Saints-Buccaneers should have some sea salt to it; Bills-Giants in a battle of New York (state, sorry); and there’s even a little something for the ladies in the Cowboys-Patriots affair.

Then there’s the downright hilarious matchup: St. Louis at Green Bay. I don’t know what the line will end up as but whatever it is, they’re not thinking too highly of the Rams chances. I know I’m not.

That bloodbath is nothing, however, when you consider the primetime games and the four quarterbacks that are featured in them. This isn’t to say Donny McNabb, Jay Jonah Cutler, Marco Sanchez, and Mandy Moore are bad at their jobs, but I doubt anyone would mind if the NFL relaxed the quarterback protection rules for these two games. Hit low, hit often.

Of the 11 of you who remain in the pool, understand you have to be right this week to continue. Get your picks in before (or around) 11:30 am Sunday. And if any of the disposed eight are dropping by to check things out, welcome back. Feel free to say hello in the comments.

WEEK SIX            
Carolina at Atlanta        
Indianapolis at Cincinnati        
San Francisco at Detroit            
St. Louis at Green Bay            
Philadelphia at Washington            
Buffalo at NY Giants            
Jacksonville at Pittsburgh            
Houston at Baltimore        
Cleveland at Oakland            
Dallas at New England            
New Orleans at Tampa Bay            
Minnesota at Chicago            
Monday
Miami at NY Jets

PS: Don’t take Denver, Tennessee, Kansas City, Arizona, San Diego, or Seattle. They’re not playing.

Well, this is awkward.

Yes, it was a tough week. Oh boy. Bodies everywhere. Like when Regina George made photocopies of the Burn Book and scattered them around the school. Complete carnage. Tiiiiiime to diiiie!!! Makes me want to listen to Bodies by Smashing Pumpkins. Maybe Lee Aaron’s Bodyrock. Or something from Body Count. There goes the suicide pool!

Unfortunately, some of you can’t say that I didn’t warn you about my Giants. I did and they’re shitty. But I’m not here to talk about the past. Behold the master list. Eight entrants are out after five weeks. Eleven of the remaining twelve are down to their last strike. And then there’s that good looking fella with the pink shirt at the top of the table. Pigskin guru, they used to call him. Oh well. Nobody said it was easy. Four Horsemen or Coldplay — pick your poison and live with it, meanies.

WazooWazny: Houston, NY Jets, San Diego, Tampa Bay, Detroit
CHAPPER: Arizona, Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Tampa Bay, NY Giants
Vedder: San Francisco, Buffalo, Tennessee, Tampa Bay, NY Giants
Hungarian Hammer: San Francisco, Detroit, Carolina, Chicago, NY Giants
AspenPT: Arizona, Detroit, Carolina, Green Bay, NY Giants
Masterclark: New England, NY Jets, Pittsburgh, New Orleans, NY Giants
ET: Arizona, NY Jets, San Diego, Atlanta, NY Giants
MDB: Arizona, NY Jets, San Diego, Green Bay, NY Giants
KP: Houston, Pittsburgh, San Diego, Green Bay, NY Giants
JDEW: Cleveland, Green Bay, Carolina, Tampa Bay, New Orleans
Patty: Kansas City, NY Jets, Tennessee, Chicago, Pittsburgh
Boday: Kansas City, Detroit, Pittsburgh, Green Bay, New Orleans
Hudsy: Cleveland, Pittsburgh, San Diego, Tampa Bay, NY Giants
ZIFF: San Diego, Pittsburgh, (no selection), Green Bay, NY Giants
BS: Arizona, Atlanta, Baltimore, Buffalo, Carolina
SS: Cleveland, Detroit, Pittsburgh, Green Bay, NY Giants
KO: Tennessee, Pittsburgh, San Diego, New Orleans, Indianapolis
Gerardus: San Francisco, Chicago, Cincinnati, Buffalo
DKUN: Cleveland, NY Jets, New England
NCMF: Cleveland, (no selection)

How am I supposed to cheer against you guys if you take the team I cheer for? Unfair. Next year, I’m going to say the Giants are off the board. Not only will it protect my interests, but it will also show that I have your best interests at heart, as well. Here are the WEEK FIVE picks. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

BS: Carolina
Hungarian Hammer: NY Giants
SS: NY Giants
MDB: NY Giants
CHAPPER: NY Giants
Masterclark: NY Giants
ET: NY Giants
KP: NY Giants
Vedder: NY Giants
wazoowazny: Detroit
JDEW: New Orleans
Hudsy: NY Giants
AspenPT: NY Giants
Patty: Pittsburgh
Boday: New Orleans
KO: Indianapolis
ZIFF: NY Giants

WEEK FIVE, that’s what’s up.

Bye weeks are upon us. Here is the list of clubs not playing this week: Cleveland, Dallas, St. Louis, Miami, Washington, Baltimore. Outside of the Ravens, I doubt any of us would be taking any of those team, so their absence really shouldn’t impact things. There are some tough matchups this week with no real gimmes on the board. Vampires or no vampires, this should be an interesting weekend.

WEEK FIVE
Sunday        
Philadelphia at Buffalo        
Kansas City at Indianapolis            
Arizona at Minnesota            
Seattle at NY Giants            
Tennessee at Pittsburgh            
New Orleans at Carolina            
Cincinnati at Jacksonville    
Oakland at Houston        
Tampa Bay at San Francisco*       
NY Jets at New England*
San Diego at Denver*       
Green Bay at Atlanta        
Monday
Chicago at Detroit   

*As an added service this week, these are the late Sunday afternoon contests. You may not want a conflict with your precious Winnipeg Jets game. Or you could care less. The Sunday nighter (Green Bay-Atlanta) starts at 7:20 pm dead central, so you should be OK there. Unless the Jetacular goes to a shootout, then you’re screwed.

Can you believe how shitty the Tampa Bay Buccaneers looked Monday night? They were killing me!

Another 10 minutes and they would have easily coughed that one up to the Colts. Phew. That was too close for my liking. At least I (and a few others) won’t have to sweat it out over them anymore. Check the list below. Look for your name and memorize the clubs you have already picked. It’s up to you to avoid the double-dip. Logging on and checking YOUR selection history is not in my job description, so if you need help before considering the WEEK FIVE games, I’d suggest flying away to Malibu.

By the way, WEEK FIVE is tough. All apologies, but it’s true.

Please notice that Gerardus is out. Three down.

CHAPPER: Arizona, Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Tampa Bay
Vedder: San Francisco, Buffalo, Tennessee, Tampa Bay
TOTH: San Francisco, Detroit, Carolina, Chicago
AspenPT: Arizona, Detroit, Carolina, Green Bay
Masterclark: New England, NY Jets, Pittsburgh, New Orleans
ET: Arizona, NY Jets, San Diego, Atlanta
MDB: Arizona, NY Jets, San Diego, Green Bay
KP: Houston, Pittsburgh, San Diego, Green Bay
wazoowazny: Houston, NY Jets, San Diego, Tampa Bay
BS: Arizona, Atlanta, Baltimore, Buffalo
ZIFF: San Diego, Pittsburgh, (no selection), Green Bay
SS: Cleveland, Detroit, Pittsburgh, Green Bay
JDEW: Cleveland, Green Bay, Carolina, Tampa Bay
Hudsy: Cleveland, Pittsburgh, San Diego, Tampa Bay
Patty: Kansas City, NY Jets, Tennessee, Chicago
Boday: Kansas City, Detroit, Pittsburgh, Green Bay
KO: Tennessee, Pittsburgh, San Diego, New Orleans
Gerardus: San Francisco, Chicago, Cincinnati, Buffalo
DKUN: Cleveland, NY Jets, New England
NCMF: Cleveland, (no selection)

Kay, did I ever tell you about the day I ran into, Ray-Ray, Jason Bay and Michael Bay outside of The Bay near the Bay of Fundy for a J-school assignment? Or was it The Bay in Guantanamo Bay? No matter, I was looking for some bay leaf and I couldn’t find any on eBay, so I went for a stray lay in the hay instead. Oi-vey! Say, here are the WEEK FOUR picks. Oooo, baby, I love your way. Gabba gabba hey.

Gerardus: Buffalo
AspenPT: Green Bay
MDB: Green Bay
CHAPPER: Tampa Bay
Masterclark: New Orleans
ET: Atlanta
KP: Green Bay
Vedder: Tampa Bay
wazoowazny: Tampa Bay
BS: Buffalo
TOTH: Chicago
SS: Green Bay
JDEW: Tampa Bay
Hudsy: Tampa Bay
Patty: Chicago
Boday: Green Bay
KO: New Orleans
ZIFF: Green Bay

I went to Moneyball last night.

The book is 1,000 per cent better than the movie, but you already knew that because when the powers that be try to re-write a decent book into a passable movie, it usually doesn’t make it out of the infield. There are obvious omissions and mistakes in the film that I’m sure the 80-year-old lady sitting in front of me also noticed. Where was Barry Zito or Miguel Tejada? They were pretty important to the club’s success that year, I recall (Zito won the Cy Young; Tejada the MVP). And getting Jeremy Giambi wouldn’t have been that big of a coup for Oakland — considering he was already on the team. Oh well. Doesn’t fit the re-write, I guess. There are a couple good moments — all player value conversations were entertaining. The talk with David Justice in the cage was interesting, though I have my doubts it actually happened. Art Howe was portrayed as a dick, which seems about right, and there’s an appearance of one Corey Koskie at the end (catching the final out of the 2002 ALDS).

What ever happened to that guy?

Let’s talk football now. You know what to do.

WEEK FOUR
Sunday
Carolina at Chicago    
Buffalo at Cincinnati
Tennessee at Cleveland        
Detroit at Dallas    
Washington at St. Louis        
San Francisco at Philadelphia    
Minnesota at Kansas City        
New Orleans at Jacksonville        
Pittsburgh at Houston    
NY Giants at Arizona        
Atlanta at Seattle
Miami at San Diego    
Denver at Green Bay    
New England at Oakland    
NY Jets at Baltimore    
Monday            
Indianapolis at Tampa Bay