the 4th star

_  _  _  _  _  _  _  _

Because why not? And if you don’t like this song I don’t even want to know you. If I could play guitar (and I never will because of this chronic sausagefingeritis) I would only hit the chords that sound like this and I would kind of dance around and make some sexy motion as I rock the seventies out and kick over my bullshit retro cream-coloured amp. I totally would. Gonna need some kind of headband I’m guessing.

As most of you know (or at least the four of you who managed to make it to WEEK TEN know), the pool is over.

Thanks to John Skelton’s magic, Michael Vick’s ribs, Juan Castillo’s inability to co-ordinate a defence, and DeSean Jackson’s refusal to have Jerry Seinfeld act as his human alarm clock, the Eagles lost to the Cardinals, thus eliminating four of the five left over here heading into the weekend action. Visual evidence of this turn of events can be found here.

Remember the email with the small print at the start of this exercise? It said ‘last man standing’ rules the day, meaning that yours truly had already laid claim to the prize thanks to timely taking of the Green Bay Packers in the Monday night blowout. No worries, though. The drubbing of the Minnesota Vikings made my win rock hard official and eliminated any chance of WTF and belly-aching from those subscribing to a faint hope clause type of loophole.

If you have a better tiebreaker system, I’m all ears. Three things:

1. Funny how the Giants played a role in all this. Team of the century.

2. Those who still are in arrears, I have contacted the Brute Force Collection Agency.

3. You will also be happy to know that I have already parlayed the kitty into the bottom line of a pair of suits from Aubrey and Co.

So that’s it for the 2011 Death by Football Suicide Pool. I’ll leave you with the final standings. See you all next year. Same bat time, same bat channel.

wazoowazny: Houston, NY Jets, San Diego, Tampa Bay, Detroit, Pittsburgh, Dallas, NY Giants, Oakland, Green Bay
Hungarian Hammer: San Francisco, Detroit, Carolina, Chicago, NY Giants, NY Jets, Dallas, Houston, Atlanta, Philadelphia
MDB: Arizona, NY Jets, San Diego, Green Bay, NY Giants, Pittsburgh, Dallas, San Francisco, Houston, Philadelphia
KP: Houston, Pittsburgh, San Diego, Green Bay, NY Giants, New England, Dallas, Baltimore, Atlanta, Philadelphia
JDEW: Cleveland, Green Bay, Carolina, Tampa Bay, New Orleans, NY Jets, Dallas, NY Giants, Houston, Philadelphia
Vedder: San Francisco, Buffalo, Tennessee, Tampa Bay, NY Giants, Cincinnati, Dallas, Houston, Oakland
ET: Arizona, NY Jets, San Diego, Atlanta, NY Giants, Green Bay, Pittsburgh, New Orleans
AspenPT: Arizona, Detroit, Carolina, Green Bay, NY Giants, Pittsburgh, Baltimore
Masterclark: New England, NY Jets, Pittsburgh, New Orleans, NY Giants, Green Bay, Baltimore
Boday: Kansas City, Detroit, Pittsburgh, Green Bay, New Orleans, Cincinnati, Baltimore
Patty: Kansas City, NY Jets, Tennessee, Chicago, Pittsburgh, Oakland, Detroit
CHAPPER: Arizona, Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Tampa Bay, NY Giants, Green Bay, (no selection)
Hudsy: Cleveland, Pittsburgh, San Diego, Tampa Bay, NY Giants
ZIFF: San Diego, Pittsburgh, (no selection), Green Bay, NY Giants
BS: Arizona, Atlanta, Baltimore, Buffalo, Carolina
SS: Cleveland, Detroit, Pittsburgh, Green Bay, NY Giants
KO: Tennessee, Pittsburgh, San Diego, New Orleans, Indianapolis
Gerardus: San Francisco, Chicago, Cincinnati, Buffalo
DKUN: Cleveland, NY Jets, New England
NCMF: Cleveland, (no selection)

<—- The selections —->

KP: Philadelphia
JDEW: Philadelphia
MDB: Philadelphia
Hungarian Hammer: Philadelphia
wazoowazny: Green Bay

We probably won’t need to discuss a tiebreaker until next week.

Well, here we are. Yep. We are here.

WEEK TEN has a lot to offer in terms of games that are impossible to pick and others that you just never know. Wow. I know where I’m going, and I’m sure one of you is also headed my direction, but as for the rest of you dudes — I have no idea what to do if I were you. Good luck with all that.

Please note the Thursday matchup between the Oakland Jerkoffs and San Diego Chargers is off the board for this little exercise. Thursday games are not included. Read the fine print. This sidebar for this little sidecar of a warning: Can’t imagine anyone would want to take this game, anyway. The over(throw)/under(throw) on interceptions is set at the distance in miles between the two cities. Five hundred sounds about right.

I’ve had this lovely redhead up before. I’ll try to find you a name.

Picks in before noon Sunday. Go team!

WEEK TEN
Thursday
Oakland at San Diego
Sunday
New Orleans at Atlanta
Detroit at Chicago
Pittsburgh at Cincinnati
St. Louis at Cleveland
Buffalo at Dallas
Jacksonville at Indianapolis
Denver at Kansas City
Washington at Miami
Arizona at Philadelphia
Houston at Tampa Bay
Tennessee at Carolina
Baltimore at Seattle
NY Giants at San Francisco
New England at NY Jets
Monday
Minnesota at Green Bay

Under normal circumstances, I’d be really ticked off about blowing my mulligan on a scenario where one shitty quarterback gets outplayed by an even shittier quarterback, but not tonight. Thanks to that wicked awesome NYG win over Les Patriots, falling back to even money with the rest of the pack is of little concern. Priorities, people.

Sorry to see Vedder bow out. His songwriting and hollow concern for the price of tickets will be missed. Not lost in his loss is the fact that WEEK TEN is coming up. Vedder. Ten. It’s evolution, baby.

Oh well. Here’s where we’re at. Five left to play. New schedule coming up later this week. Prolly Tuesday.

Hungarian Hammer: San Francisco, Detroit, Carolina, Chicago, NY Giants, NY Jets, Dallas, Houston, Atlanta
MDB: Arizona, NY Jets, San Diego, Green Bay, NY Giants, Pittsburgh, Dallas, San Francisco, Houston
wazoowazny: Houston, NY Jets, San Diego, Tampa Bay, Detroit, Pittsburgh, Dallas, NY Giants, Oakland
KP: Houston, Pittsburgh, San Diego, Green Bay, NY Giants, New England, Dallas, Baltimore, Atlanta
JDEW: Cleveland, Green Bay, Carolina, Tampa Bay, New Orleans, NY Jets, Dallas, NY Giants, Houston
Vedder: San Francisco, Buffalo, Tennessee, Tampa Bay, NY Giants, Cincinnati, Dallas, Houston, Oakland
ET: Arizona, NY Jets, San Diego, Atlanta, NY Giants, Green Bay, Pittsburgh, New Orleans
AspenPT: Arizona, Detroit, Carolina, Green Bay, NY Giants, Pittsburgh, Baltimore
Masterclark: New England, NY Jets, Pittsburgh, New Orleans, NY Giants, Green Bay, Baltimore
Boday: Kansas City, Detroit, Pittsburgh, Green Bay, New Orleans, Cincinnati, Baltimore
Patty: Kansas City, NY Jets, Tennessee, Chicago, Pittsburgh, Oakland, Detroit
CHAPPER: Arizona, Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Tampa Bay, NY Giants, Green Bay, (no selection)
Hudsy: Cleveland, Pittsburgh, San Diego, Tampa Bay, NY Giants
ZIFF: San Diego, Pittsburgh, (no selection), Green Bay, NY Giants
BS: Arizona, Atlanta, Baltimore, Buffalo, Carolina
SS: Cleveland, Detroit, Pittsburgh, Green Bay, NY Giants
KO: Tennessee, Pittsburgh, San Diego, New Orleans, Indianapolis
Gerardus: San Francisco, Chicago, Cincinnati, Buffalo
DKUN: Cleveland, NY Jets, New England
NCMF: Cleveland, (no selection)

Hey guys!

Here are our selections for this afternoon’s games. No real surprises; all have an excellent chance to win. Unless, of course, the Colts step up and grab their first win of the season or if Carson Palmer plays worse than Tim Tebow. Or maybe Colt McCoy will light it up in his great home state of Texas. I don’t actually know if McCoy is from Texas but with a name like Colt I’m going to make the leap without worry.

Gosh, that looks nice, eh?

Doubles fun club today!

Find your partner, grab his hand, and ready each other for the on-coming snow later this evening.

Hungarian Hammer: Atlanta
MDB: Houston
KP: Atlanta
Vedder: Oakland
wazoowazny: Oakland
JDEW: Houston

Got Prince tickets today.

Hope he plays this one.

Or this one. “Like Prince said you’re a sexy…”

I know what people are saying. I hear it. I HAVE EARS.

Oh well what a shock that Wazoo is winning his own pool he must be cheating or doing something to manipulate the scores of games being played hundreds and thousands of miles away in a different country right what else could it be this is a joke and I think there’s some funny business going on here I’m going to say something about it yep I am next time I see him.

Typically, the above is said with eyes rolled up and in some kind of sarcastic voice. Or maybe a one with a lower, throatier tone than your normal speak. You know what I mean. Regardless, if you choose to believe italic accusation: Great. You’re fucking crazy.

The only *advantage* I have is that I watch a lot of bad football during the course of my day and this exposure somehow conditions me to find some luck in a very inconsistent NFL season. Is that really an advantage? Depends how you look at it. An argument can be made that it would actually hurt me in this pool. A poor education, while a learning experience, is still a poor education. Bad habits, etc.

Whatever. Here’s the WEEK NINE list of probable games. Please observe: Detroit, Minnesota, Carolina, and Jacksonville are not playing this week. Don’t take them.

WEEK NINE
Sunday            
NY Jets at Buffalo        
Seattle at Dallas            
Atlanta at Indianapolis            
Miami at Kansas City            
San Francisco at Washington            
Cleveland at Houston            
Tampa Bay at New Orleans            
Denver at Oakland            
Cincinnati at Tennessee            
NY Giants at New England            
St. Louis at Arizona        
Green Bay at San Diego            
Baltimore at Pittsburgh        
Monday            
Chicago at Philadelphia