the 4th star

Well, tomorrow is the big day. I don’t know what classic rock station you’ve been listening to over the last few weeks, but the one my dial is locked in on said it was going to happen. And they’re still churning it out. Bettman at MTS Centre last night? He was buying shots at Moxie’s after the game, too? Whoa. Cool. And no one reported he was at either place? That’s strange.

No matter, as the NHL is coming back to Winnipeg! I think I have the date right. March 4. Are you ready? It’s going to be so great, watching people rush out and buy those season tickets and luxury suites, only to see them rush back to their cars or the great pumpkins of Winnipeg Transit after seeing what the cost will actually be. Mini packs in the 300 level won’t pay the piper, people!

I wonder what number I’m going to get on my new jersey? No. 47 looks good. That’s Rich Peverley’s number. He’ll be fun to watch. Or maybe I should get a Bryan Little? His No. 10 will play big with the Dale Hawerchuk crowd. Definitely going to get a Canadian player on the back. Here’s a fun fact: Did you know the Thrashers only have seven Canadians on its roster? Hard to imagine they’d be so bad, eh? It is our game, after all.

But forget about trivial things like jerseys and ticket prices. You know who will benefit the most from the NHL return this week? That’s right. Us. You and I. Winnipeggers.

Following tomorrow’s announcement, our lives will be totally different. Food will taste better and beer will be more ‘hoppy.’ The streets and roads won’t have any potholes and the sidewalks will be crack-free. Physically and socially. Automated garbage pick-up can be celebrated and everyone will recycle. Teachers can perform a borderline lap dance in front of students without fear of losing their jobs and the students can videotape the whole thing without possible repercussion. Rocki Roletti will join his brother in The Forks front office and I won’t get the two names confused at the press conference. Now that would be something! (ugh)

The summers will feel warmer and the winters will feel colder. Wait, that’s not right! Restaurants and lounges will have a decent alcohol selection for once. Touring bands won’t have to ask the sold-out crowd a token NHL question anymore. OMG! He said the Jets! Awesome! It’ll be just as it was before Les Jets left and Les Blue Bombers began to suck – a sporting utopia, in its purest form. Kind of like the toy department at Eaton’s downtown. You know, before they put an AHL arena up there.

There will be dancing in the streets, but no mention of a city-funded avenue party. Every house will have its own police helicopter overhead, watching over us like only a loud, single-engine angel can. Tim Hortons coffee will replace the water in the Red and Assiniboine Rivers. Get ready to roll into the river and win!

We will all bask in the knowledge of what it feels like to be Kramer after discovering a certain white, foamy hair product. Living two lives: Our pre-Moose and our post-Moose.

Here’s the best part, though: Winnipeg will cease to be the topic of the endless NHL relocation rumour. No longer will this town be subjected to the passing conversation of simple speculation and it will feel so great. We just have to make it to tomorrow. It’ll be tough, but I know we can do it.