the 4th star

Last week, as I was questioning the breakfast masses on who should light the Olympic cauldron in Vancouver, the Globe and Mail wondered the same thing. I didn’t even see the paper, and I’ve already read it. That’s how dialed in I am. Anyway, the Globe piece suggested that Wayne Gretzky should light the final flame — a choice that would be great if it wasn’t so Goddamn predicable or obvious.

Gretzky, of course, is in everyone’s mix to carry the honour. The guy is an institution in Canada and his selection would be hard to argue. There are other front-burner candidates, though. Joining The Great One in the five-ring hopper include Betty Fox, mother of Terry; wheelchair man in motion Rick Hansen;  and former Olympian and current senator Nancy Greene Raine. Both Hansen and Raine will carry the torch prior to Vancouver, so they’re probably out. That leaves two — Gretzky and Fox.

Can we do better? You bet we can.

Elizabeth Manley
No idea what she is doing now, but she seems like a good choice. Her silver medal at the Winter Games in Calgary was Canada’s only bright spot in 1988, and bringing her into the opening spotlight in Vancouver would tie the two events together. Plus, everyone loves figure skating. More plus: Everyone under the age of 25 will wonder who the hell she is. Kids are so dumb.

Bryan Adams
Just before raising the torch to ignite the big flame, Adams tears off the Olympic garb and reveals his trademark leather jacket. Cuts Like a Knife comes on. He raises the flame. The whole stadium chants Na-na-naaa Na-na-naaa-na-na. Na naa. Suddenly, I’m back in Bird’s Hill Park and it feels so right. Mike Reno would also work quite well here.

Former Canucks great Trevor Linden
He was the only Canadian to score on Hasek in Nagano, and don’t you forget it!

Steve Nash
Don’t laugh. He’s from Vancouver. He’s a former Olympian. And the people at NBC will be thrilled with the selection of a name that everyone in the United States knows. If it is the point guard, how does he light the cauldron? Does he throw a no-look flaming basketball into the bowl, or does the futbol-mad Nash bend a burning soccer ball in with his right foot? If it’s the soccer option, millions of US viewers will go to bed wondering what they just saw. Doesn’t he play for the Suns?

Michael J. Fox and Pamela Anderson
Vancouver natives. Famous people. Pam would need to get on Mike’s shoulders to light the thing.

Paul Kariya
Like Nash, he’s a VanCity homeboy. He’s also a two-time Olympian, having won a gold and silver medal in his two trips with the national men’s hockey entry. The one concern with this choice, however, is injury. The possibility of this selection is day-to-day.