the 4th star

Whoa, whoa. Take it easy, folks. Try to keep this torrid headline pace up, and we’ll be on the sidelines gasping for air before training camp. I’m not going to link all the stories I’ve seen regarding Joe Mack and the Winnipeg Blue Bombers, but here’s a look at some of the headline offerings we’ve been served up to this point:

Meet Joe Mack
Mack to the Future
Mack in the Box
Mack in the Saddle Again
New GM not a Mack-iavellian guy
Return of the Mack

Currently we are waiting on these:

Big Mack Attacks
Mack Uses the Knife
Mack Keeps on Truckin’
The Mack Daddy Jumps
Mackie’s Back in Town
Mack in the Black
You Don’t Know Mack
Mack-tical Error
Cut the Bombers Some Mack
New Mack City
Mack-aroni Salad Hard to Digest

And many, many more!

(throw ‘em in the comments)

Dear Mr. Brees,

You don’t know me and we’ve never met, but I feel like we share the same outlook on life. We both want to do the right thing in this world. Much like making a difference in the natural disaster-ravaged city you currently play football in, I too, share a similar ideal. I just want to see people smile. A nice smile, a grin or even a smirk, can make all the difference in the world, don’t you agree?

People tell me that I have a nice smile. You have a nice smile, too. See how much alike we are? We also share the same goal this weekend. We can agree that the NFL — the league, the media, the fan base — can do without Brett Favre in the Super Bowl. Imagine how terrible that would make everyone feel, knowing the entire week would consist of Favre. Did you know that he came out of retirement to play this year? Haha.

There’s not much I can do to stop this from happening on my end, so I’m reaching out to you and your team now. You have the power. You can make it happen. Only you, Drew, can make my dream of a Favre-less Super Bowl, the shared dream of millions of football fans not easily taken by the greatness that Peter King or Joe Buck mistakenly state as fact, a reality. Good luck. I’ll be rooting for you.

God Bless you, Drew Brees. And Godspeed.

The 4th Star

PS: Don’t choke.

If the Winnipeg Blue Bombers board of directors and potential owner David Asper wanted Joe Mack as their director of player personnel with former Bomber general manager Brendan Taman to assume the role of vice-president of football operations and Taman balks at the plan (eventually signing with the Saskatchewan Roughriders), essentially leaving everyone in the Blue boardroom left scratching their heads, then what does that say about the confidence the decision-makers have in Joe Mack to do the job? Maybe I’m just looking for something to write tonight, but doesn’t the fact that the board wanted two people to do the job speak to some level of uncertainty Joe Mack brings?

Reports had Taman as the first choice. The board got greedy and tried to satisfy the portion of the group that wanted to bring Joe Mack back by concocting a plan for a two-headed monster model. When Taman balked, they went to Plan B (which from all accounts was drawn up on the fly) and suddenly decided that Joe Mack could do the job by himself. Magically, with no smoke and mirrors to speak of, Joe Mack didn’t need anyone to show him around.

If that was the case from the outset, if no partnership was apparently needed, why wouldn’t the board just go with one or the other? Joe Mack or Taman — who’s it going to be? By seeing the story leak out that the board wanted Taman, optics that suggest they felt Joe Mack couldn’t do the job by himself, and then settling on Joe Mack when no other option was left (minus Jim Barker, who probably wasn’t even considered in the first place), did the Blue Bombers board of directors — the suddenly visible and relevant board of directors — unintentionally undermine Joe Mack? Did they over-think this hire?

Big questions: If Taman was so crucial to their plan, if he was the most important piece to the management puzzle for the board and Asper, then why didn’t they get a sense of what his expectations for the job were? And with Lyle Bauer no longer holding that bizarre (and at times, questionable) control over the Bombers operations anymore, is the board making up for lost time?

Uh-oh. It appears Joe Mack’s biggest challenges won’t just be on the field.

Just talked to Syd Davy. Seems like a nice guy. Turns out his love affair with the Minnesota Vikings is a result of Bud Grant. We chatted about things like favourite players and what this season has been like — excitement-wise. In his 24 years of attending Vikings games, dressed up as Hagar or whatever it is he’s supposed to be, the dome has never been as loud as this year. He said 1998 and 1999 laid a pretty good beat-down on the ear drums, but this year takes the cake. Brett Favre changes the way we cheer at sporting events, people!

I hate the Vikings — expect for the sex boat. I like that. This season has been hard for everyone who doesn’t pretend to give a crap about the purple. Fairweather fans and band-wagoneers are a perfect complement for that screwed up organization. As I was talking to Davy, I realized his team was where I wanted my team, the New York Giants, to be. So to make myself feel better about things, I brought up the 2000 season, the last time the Vikings were in the NFC Championship game. He didn’t take the bait. Allow Wikipedia to bring you up to speed:

In 2000, the Vikings went 11–5. The Vikings were 11–2 after 14 weeks, but slumped briefly, losing their last three to the Rams, Packers and Colts while starting quarterback Daunte Culpepper was hampered by injury. Nonetheless, the Vikings made the playoffs for the fifth straight year. After easily beating the Saints in the Divisional game 34–16, they travelled to New York to face the Giants in the NFC Championship Game. Though they were the road team, the Vikings were actually favored to win the game (since most considered their 12–2 record with Culpepper more indicative than their 0–3 record when he was out). But the Vikings were humiliated by the Giants 41–0, the worst loss in franchise history.

Just give me a second. I’m still re-playing that game in my mind. On to the picks!

New York at Indianapolis
Colts minus 8
Here’s how I see it going down: On Indy’s first possession, they march the ball right down the field and score a touchdown. Commentators marvel at the surgical precision of the Colts’ attack. The Jets get the ball and go three and out. It’s too loud. Indy shoves it right up their ass again. Fourteen nothing before Phil Simms says something stupid. New York takes the ball and slows things down. They get a first down on some hard running. They get another first down on a short pass. The clock is being used up. Things are starting to resemble the game plan again. Sanchez then drops back on a 3rd and 7, loses the ball as he tries to escape the pressure, and the Colts march it down for a field goal. Seventeen bagel as the first quarter closes. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

Minnesota at New Orleans
Over 53 points
Speaking of NFC Championship games, the last time hero Favre appeared on the doorstep to the Super Bowl was in 2007. You remember that game, don’t you? That’s when the old gunslinger threw up a terrible ball into the waiting hands of Giants DB Corey Webster in overtime at Lambeau, sending New York to a Super Bowl championship. That was fun. I look forward to seeing something like that again on Sunday. Favre’s deal with the devil can’t last forever. You got to think Satan himself will be in the Big Easy to collect. That very thought, having Lucifer at the game, should get to the aging pain killer addict. He begs for an extension. Your ass ain’t talking your way out of this shit.

You read the Bible, Brett? There’s this passage I got memorized, sorta fits this occasion: Ezekiel 25:17. “The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.”

Pretty much been singing this since the Moose game the other night. Of course, the linesman dropped the puck before the song had a chance to find some lyrics. You’d think the players squaring off in the draw would recognize what’s going on, eh? I mean, get thrown out, complain about the other guy’s stick — do something! And what The Police post would be complete without mentioning the sheer awesomeness of the song below? We have seen this wicked video on this site before, but who among us is going to complain? Man, they had something. It was only for a second, but they were cool.

Listen up people. The 4th Star is going to the Olympics!

That’s right. Barring any serious illness or unforeseen circumstance, yours truly will be navigating the busy sidewalks, crowded venues, and general unpleasantness that will no doubt be associated with the cluster-fudge that is the 2010 Winter Games in Vancouver, B.C. I’ll only be there for a few days, but be sure to check in regularly for updates on the countless verbal disagreements I expect to have with various people from at home and abroad. I’ll fill you in with the schedule as we get closer to departure. Things that I’m pumped about include:

1. The mark-up on a white-hot chocolate at Starbucks. They’re already like eight bucks. Can I afford to drop a $20 on those bad boys so it looks like I drink coffee and am cool that way?

2. I have nothing to base this on, but I have the feeling Canadians will be the ones who annoy me the most. That reminds me, I have to go to The Bay and Roots to gear up. Actually, screw it. I can get by with a Beaver Canoe sweatshirt.

3. Blood doping.

As for events, it looks like we’ll be hitting up some speed skating and possibly curling (though not 100 per cent sure on that). Speed skating will be fun, just ’cause there might be a Manitoban or two competing. I plan on bringing my skates, just in case. Really looking forward to the curling, though. Will there be a difference between watching a game at the Heather and watching a game at the Olympics? Doubt it. Regardless, it will give me a chance to do catch up on some reading. Or my sleep. There was talk of attending a hockey game but it turns out no one really cares about that sport.

Skate and destroy.

On the Hustler & Lawless show last night, CJOB sports director Bob Irving suggested that the Winnipeg Blue Bombers board of directors — or rather the selection committee put together by the board of directors — will recommend that Joe Mack be named the club’s new vice president of football operations today. Gathering steam on that suggestion are two stories from national media websites, this one and this one. That’s where things are there.

Locally, the Free Press has not been so quick to jump in the Joe Mack waters (and yes, you can’t say or write that guy’s name without using the full handle). In today’s hard copy, they point out the two choices the Bombers BoD has in front of them. The Sun paints the same picture in today’s edition, but throws its editorial support behind Jim Barker — like the front office hire is a civic election or something.

This afternoon, as the two national reports settle in, the Free Press has taken a more cautious path and is not ready to declare Joe Mack the *winner* of the Winnipeg job. Smart, considering how well that approach served them in recent Blue Bombers media circuses. The Sun has followed suit. That’s not surprising, considering how they were burned on the Mike Kelly return story last month. No matter what happens in the coming hours, an announcement looks like it’s coming this week.

Sadly, I can’t really comment on either guy as I’m not really well-versed on my Ghosts of CFL Front Offices, Past or Present. I can say this, though: For a franchise that has made more bad decisions than good ones over the last 20 years, the pressure to get this hire right is intense. The fan base will go berserk if the guy they bring in leaves (or gets shuffled out the door) in two years. Judging on resumes alone Barker seems like the safe choice, given the fact he’s not 25 years removed from a CFL management position. On the flip side, though, how cool would it be for the Bombers to introduce Joe Mack to this music? Yeah, I’ll buy season tickets if they do that.

PS: Try getting that song out of your head for the rest of the day.

Usually I just pick teams out of a hat (you didn’t know‚ sorry). This time I’ve decided to poll the vast Manitoba celebrity community. OK. It’s not that vast. But lucky for us there are only 11 National Football League post season games to cover. Shouldn’t be that hard to find 11 people, should it? We will see, I guess. Please note: On the off-chance these people don’t reply to the pick requests that I probably won’t get around to sending them in the first place, these selections (or responses) may not actually be from them. The underdog Jets are featured in our next contest. Who better to tell the story than Guy Maddin? In an exclusive interview, I caught up with Maddin at his home near the village, reading the script from his favourite movie as he kills time before the game…

New York Jets (9-7) at Indianapolis Colts (14-2)
Sunday, 2 p.m. on CBS
Previous meeting: Jets‚
Jets road record: 5-3
Colts home record: 7-1
The spread: Jets +7.5
The money line: Jets +270
The over/under: 40 points

INT. MANHATTAN MUSEUM OF ART – SECURITY DESK – DAY
The Ghostbusters commercial is playing on a portable TV on the security desk. Rudy, the Security Guard, is reading a National Enquirer with a giant front-page headline: GHOSTBUSTERS SAVE JUDGE. Venkman enters.

VENKMAN
I’m looking for Dana Barrett.

SECURITY GUARD
Room 304 — Restorations.
(recognizing him)
Hey! Dr. Venkman — ‘World of the Psychic.’ I’m a big, big fan. That used to be one of my two favourite shows.

VENKMAN
(flattered)
Thanks. What’s the other one?

SECURITY GUARD
‘Bass Masters.’ It’s a fishing show. Ever see it?

VENKMAN
Yeah, really great. Take it easy.

Venkman exits.

——-

Wazoo: Guy, you got a second?

Maddin: No. I’m watching Ghostbusters 2 right now.

Wazoo: You watch movies by reading the script? That’s a little —

Maddin looks down at his papers. I take a seat in the wicker chair next to the coffee table, which is in front of the couch that Maddin is on. The silence is delicious. Maddin reaches down for his glass of red. He accidentally tips it, but it doesn’t completely fall. I point out to Maddin that a small amount of wine has spilled. He sighs, looks to the ceiling and suggests that drink stained in the hardwood will ultimately be his legacy.

Maddin: Let this wine be a reminder to never trust anyone.

Wazoo: What are you talking about?

Maddin jumps back into Ghostbusters 2. Harold Ramis and Bill Murray have crossed the steams and have taken his full attention. As the noted film-maker chuckles at the sharp character contrast in the disappointing sequel, I think about whether he’ll take the Colts — given his penchant for frozen horse heads in the river ice. I scan the coffee table for something to read. Newspapers, magazines and forgotten scripts make up the mess. Next to those, an empty bag of Bits & Bites, two small packages of Nibs, and a half-litre of Coke Zero. Crumbs from various snack foods sprinkle the pile of paper and empty calories. Off to the side, however, sit a few sheets of crisp, white office letterhead. A closer look reveals printed off e-mail correspondence. I turn my head slightly to catch a word or two. A name would be even better. Maddin watches me through his movie pages. I’m busted.

Maddin: Love letters from Roger Ebert. I wish he’d just leave me alone.

Wild Card #1
Wild Card #2
Wild Card #3
Wild Card #4
Divisional #5
Divisional #6
Divisional #7
Divisional #8
Conference #9

Usually I just pick teams out of a hat (you didn’t know‚ sorry). This time I’ve decided to poll the vast Manitoba celebrity community. OK. It’s not that vast. But lucky for us there are only 11 National Football League post season games to cover. Shouldn’t be that hard to find 11 people, should it? We will see, I guess. Please note: On the off-chance these people don’t reply to the pick requests that I probably won’t get around to sending them in the first place, these selections (or responses) may not actually be from them. We’re down to the short strokes here. Golden Boy, show us the light!

Minnesota Vikings (12-4) at New Orleans Saints (13-3)
Sunday, 5:40 p.m. on FOX
Previous meeting: Nope
Vikings road record: 4-4
Saints home record: 6-2
The spread: Vikings +4
The money line: Vikings +170
The over/under: 52.5 points

Bet you didn’t know that I’m from France, did you? It’s true, though I can’t really carry a meaningful discussion anymore. I have trouble with sentence structure. You know who else has some French in him? That’s right, one Mr. Brett Favre. He also has trouble with speaking in complete sentences, too. Yeah, Manitoba purchased me like some 100 years ago from some guy in Paris. It was 1918, to be exact. You know who else is 92-years-old? Yep. Brett Favre — though he doesn’t act (or speak) like he’s a day over 15. With my wheat and my torch I stand alone, perched atop the Manitoba Legislative Building facing north. Brett Favre came back to the NFC North this season. He also moves like a statue. According to my official web site, I embody “the spirit of enterprise and eternal youth.” According to people who try to justify shelling out some $200 bucks for a purple No. 4 jersey they’ll wear for one more game, Brett Favre defines “the spirit of enterprise and eternal youth.” I know, it’s hard to tell — I’m quite stiff most of the time — but I’m really pissed off at this Favre clown. Is he trying to steal my thunder? Donny Lalonde learned this the hard way. There can only be one Golden Boy. Get bent, you phony.

Wild Card #1
Wild Card #2
Wild Card #3
Wild Card #4
Divisional #5
Divisional #6
Divisional #7
Divisional #8