the 4th star

Here we go. The best weekend on the vast football calendar. Better than the Labour Day Classics across this country; better than opening weekend in the NFL. The divisional serieses (?) are upon us. Eight pseudo-good teams, condensed into four, 60-minute pressure-packed nail-biters. Or at least that’s how they draw it up on the pre-game shows. Here’s my one wish for today’s and tomorrow’s games: Unlike last weekend’s intrigue disasters, let the coming contests be somewhat close. Keep me interested until the fourth quarter. Is that too much to ask?

Arizona at New Orleans
Total number of punts: Under 7.5
I was going to take Kurt Warner and Drew Brees to each throw for over 304.5 yards, but I figured that would be waaaaayy too much of a lock. And when it’s a sure thing, is it really gambling?

Baltimore at Indianapolis
Ravens +6.5
I hate this game. No one can tell me they are sure that Indy will win. No one can tell me they are sure Joe Flacco can put up a quarterback rating on more than 10 — which is what he did last game. No one can tell me that Ray Rice and the Ravens defence can dominate two games in a row. I’m going to take the Ravens and the points, though, just to show what a man I am. This despite the pink, long-sleeve waffle-tee I’m wearing right now. Matches the cream soda next to my keyboard.

Dallas at Minnesota
Cowboys +120
I’m sad this didn’t generate some commentary out there. I felt pretty good about it. On the subject of frowns and disappointment, how sad is it that I’m taking the Cowboys straight up here? Harry Carson must be rolling over in his grave right now. What I find interesting about this game is how people seem to overlook the fact that the Vikings haven’t played a good football game (or in the case of the Giants, a good football team) in five weeks. I’m so confident in Les Boys, that I’d be shocked if this wasn’t a one-sided affair. I make that statement knowing full well if Dallas craps out here, it’s a sign the NFC East gods still find me mildly amusing.

New York at San Diego
Under 42 points
The J-E-T-S Jets! Jets! Jets! are the biggest underdog this weekend, just slightly liked less than the Cardinals. I would be inclined to take a flier on the Flight Crew but I’ll be enjoying the gridiron action with an avid Chargers fan. The San Diego Kid — that’s what we’re calling him these days. Far be it for me to bet against the Bolts, given the pre-arranged man-date. That would be a dick move — and that course of action is usually reserved for that loud-mouth who sits at the bar and stares at the bartender’s form all afternoon. What a jerk.

Seven Keys to Dating Etiquette:

1. Dress the part. Don’t dress too sexy.
2. Be on time or your date might wonder, “What was more important than getting here on time?”
3. Mind your table manners — and if you don’t have any, get some!
4. Focus 100 per cent on your date. Turn off your cell phone and other messaging devices.
5. Check your emotional baggage at the door. Don’t go burdening your date with all of your problems.
6. Sweat the small stuff. Listen to what your prospective mate has to say.
7. Follow up. Do something that let’s your date know, “Hey, that was a lot of fun.”

Source: Tom Brady Dr. Phil