the 4th star

Let me see if I have this straight: We’re getting it handed to us. It’s 34-0 for the Vikings. Badly out-played in all areas. No surprise. My players have mailed this one in right around the opening kick-off. There’s nothing for us to play for here and all I want is this game to be over with. What? No. We’re just trying to catch an early flight out of this freezer of a city. And that guy, that Brad Childress clown, a guy with no Super Bowls and a reputation as a suck-ass, is gonna keep his starting offence on the field on a fourth and goal from the three with just six minutes left in the third quarter? Really? Did I just see that? He can go fuck himself. In fact, you go over there and tell that son of a bitch that his beard looks stupid and that I’m gonna punch him right in the mouth at the end of the game. Go on now!

Towel Throwing 101

Let’s play a little Facebook journalism.

The Winnipeg Blue Bombers. A front office mess. People need to be hired before the team can move forward in the 2010 season. Of secondary concern is the product on the field, most notably the secondary. It seems Jonathan Hefney has been doing a lot of social networking these days. Here’s what the Bombers top rookie of 2009 had to say yesterday regarding his future in Blue and Gold:

As the good folks at the club’s unabashed and unapologetic fan message board have correctly deciphered, a “sidekick” is a phone and “my next goal” is the NFL. That’s pretty clear. What isn’t so clear is the “Maura” reference. Oh, it could mean this. That seems plausible. But for those inclined to connect the incredibly vague dots, no matter how far apart they might be, the term “Maura” could easily be a misspelled arrow pointed towards Jim Mora — the head coach of the Seattle Seahawks. Looking for another leap? Don’t worry. There’s another big jump to conclusions that can be made.

Further down in the message on Hefney’s Facebook page, the cornerback says he’s “got on the flannel” — an obvious reference to grunge and the Seattle music scene two decades ago. So there you have it. Jonathan Hefney is signing with the Seahawks.

There you have it. One cryptic message on the web, two huge assumptions.

And here’s the best part about this post: If Hefney does, in fact, sign with Seattle in the coming weeks then I can tell everyone how I had it first. To do that, of course, we would have to ignore the actual time line of the news — the public Facebook announcement, the mention of the status on the Bombers message board — but whatever. I call shotgun! If it doesn’t work out, and all our Facebook dreams do not come true, then consider this another sarcastic rip on those who subscribe to Facebook journalism and to all who consider social networking devices as legitimate sources.

Checking Jovon Johnson’s Twitter account…

UPDATE: We have a winner! It’s Detroit, so it turns out the lesson in this post was constructed on the latter instead of the former. Which is a good thing, as it underlines what I was talking about in the first place. Reading into things is a fool’s game. Stick with concrete. It builds a better foundation.

She’s always funny in the morning. She isn’t always funny in the night. — The Hold Steady

The final week of the National Football League schedule is interesting for one reason: No one knows what the heck is going on. Who’s playing, who’s resting? Who has something to play for? Who doesn’t? Rest is important, but so is momentum. You don’t want to risk injury. How do coaches prepare for this confusion? It must be like dating a crazy girl. Maybe *crazy* is the wrong term. Unpredictable. Let’s go with that. You know what I mean, right? The one who says one thing and then does the exact opposite. The one who changes her mind on a hourly basis or in-between the main course and the dessert menu. The one who you care about for some reason, the one you check up on regularly, only to find she’s mad at you for apparently not giving a shit. You’re a dick! You weren’t asking the right questions. I shouldn’t have to tell you this.

Ah, that girl. She makes it interesting, no doubt, but careful: You don’t want to risk injury there, either. It’s trepidation at its very best. Step carefully, my friend — the pitfalls and land-mines are everywhere. Routines are unsettled and patterns impossible to chart. You may think you’re in the clear, that things are always funny in the morning, but the danger of uncertainty lurks around every text message. That’s what this NFL weekend is all about. You love the game your money’s playing, you feel good about what’s going on, and the next thing you know the starters are laughing on the sidelines in thick coats and the other team’s bench players are better than your team’s bench players. What happened?

Again. I shouldn’t have to tell you this.

Kansas City at Denver
Chiefs plus 10
With two of the Broncos better pass-catchers benched and Matt Cassel showing just how crappy he is at quarterback, this figures to be a low-scoring game. Throw in a division hatred, and defence should come through. Take the 10 points. Why not? Holy crap. Hurry up, playoffs.

Philadelphia at Dallas
Cowboys minus 3
It should be pointed out that I hate both teams more than cauliflower. And cooked carrots. Both vegetables teams are in the playoffs (at the expense of the New York Giants), but the Cowboys can throw a wrench in the Iggles plans for a first round bye with a win. Here’s hoping they beat the snot out of each other and don’t have any healthy bodies left for next week.

New York Giants at Minnesota
OFF THE BOARD
I had a dream the other night that the Giants were mailing it in. Turns out I was asleep for the last three months. Hey-oooh! In all seriousness, there’s an interesting situation going on with the Vikings right now. In a way they reminds me of the NYG of a year ago. Fast start, talk of the town, and then things fell apart at the end, stumbling into the post season and BANG! One and done. Very similar paths. I don’t bet against my Giants but if you find yourself interested — the line is eight points to the Jints.