the 4th star

Now that the Giants and I are on the outside looking in, I’d be remiss if I didn’t fulfill my obligation as an NFL fan and take comfort in the misfortunes of other clubs down the stretch here. Twenty-four hours after grumbling about that loud-mouth guy at the bar who loves all the teams that are winning on the big screens (that guy is going to get a punch in the mouth), here I am voluntarily participating in this despicable act of making myself feel better through secondary disappointment.

Schadenfreude is a great way to ring in the New Year!

Sorry, Mike Tomlin. Nice try, Andy Reid. It seems we have a new winner. Indy coach Jim Caldwell’s decision to take Peyton Manning out of the game with just over five minutes left in the third and his team up only by five points was the stupidest move of the season. I’m not saying I disagree with resting the league MVP  for what (he) hopes will be an extended playoff run. I understand that. But why on Earth take Manning out of a tight game WHEN YOU PLAYED HIM THE WHOLE WAY THE PREVIOUS WEEK IN A TIGHT GAME THAT ALSO MEANT NOTHING. It’s not like Manning was getting killed back there. The guy never gets hit on a bad day. Plus, didn’t he say he was going to keep the starters in as long as the game was competitive? A five-point difference qualifies. Star quarterbacks do not like being told how to run their own shows. Ask Brad Childress how that works out. Think Manning didn’t want to run the table like Brady did a couple seasons back? Everyone said the right things after the game, but the loss to the Jets will probably send the Colts into a New Orleans-like funk heading into the playoffs. Caldwell wanted to step out of Tony Dungy’s shadow and leave his mark on this team. Mission accomplished, coach. If there’s one thing players love, it’s an inconsistent message from a head man they don’t really respect anyway.

Jim Zorn applauds you, Mr. Caldwell.

This just sucks. Not only do I have to deal with the fact that the New York Giants are the worst team in the history of sports, but I have to watch both the hated Philadelphia Eagles and Dallas Cowboys participate in the post season. So much for making things difficult in the NFC in the coming weeks. First time out of the playoffs in six years. I knew this day was coming. I knew they didn’t have the horses. Despite the knowledge, watching the season end still makes for a tough day over here.

No fun at all.

As an objective fan, where do I put the blame for this shit-show of a season? Well, the defence wasn’t very good. Bottom line right there. They couldn’t stop an average CFL offence, let alone a decent NFL attack. Case in point: Carolina punted only one time yesterday. One time. For the most of the season, the Giants offence did a decent job of hanging in there — providing what one might think would be enough points for a New York defence to hold a lead to — but as we all know, this was not the Giants defence I grew up on. The NFL has turned into a pass-first league that makes defence next to impossible. Despite my objection to this, New York will have to adjust accordingly.

There will be changes. There will be blood. And sadness. Lots of sadness.

Frankly, if I’m Mr. or Mrs. Manitoba, I wouldn’t want anything to do with the World Junior Hockey Championships. Hockey Canada screwed this province by not giving us the tournament, awarding it to Saskatchewan and Alberta. This after Winnipeg and the fine people at True North Sports and Entertainment did them a favour by taking on the women’s championship a few years back and turning it into a moneymaker. I’m sorry, that is just poor form by Hockey Canada. Take the cash and run. You don’t care about us, why should we care about you?

Point #2: Does TSN really need to hammer Canadians over the head about how great Canada is at hockey? Let’s give the guy sitting at the bar a little credit, fellas.

Finally, I know I’m a little late on this but I was saving it for today. William Houston sits down with Hockey Canada’s glee club director TSN analyst Pierre McGuire to chat about the tournament and the coverage the host broadcaster will provide the host country. The question from Houston reads: Is your game analysis for junior games different than what you do for an NHL game? After a thoughtful answer on educating the viewer through the first couple games, McGuire then goes into some solid stand-up comedy material:

McGuire: The biggest thing is not to be a cheerleader. I think we’ve been very fair – Gord (Miller) and I both, we’ve been doing it for so long – not to be a cheerleader and get wrapped up in the moment.

/laughs so hard Dr. Pepper comes out of nose and ruins computer
/hates McGuire even more

No towels? No problem. I’ll just dry off with this Golden Retriever.

Never made it to Giants Stadium. Thought I was going to get there a few years ago, but it just never materialized, though. Missed the exit or something like that. Either way, there was a lot of anguish and disappointment over the lost opportunity. Along those gridiron lines, I’ve never seen the Giants play live. Sure, they seemingly always come up to Minneapolis for a game (and they are in the Twin for a game Jan. 3), but I’d rather watch the Jints from the warmth of my couch or the comfort of my corner bar than sit through a game in that pathetic dome. Ugh. Football belongs outside. Arena football belongs inside.

With the wrecking ball on stand-by New York takes the field for the last time at Giants Stadium this Sunday, when they meet the Carolina Panthers in the early block of games. Underlining all the hype and nostalgia of what a stadium swan song typically entails is the fact the G-Men have to win the game to keep their slim post season hopes alive. The Panthers are no free spot on the bingo card, so guys like me are worried. When your team is on the brink, you’re always worried. That’s just how it goes. Fortunately, the game is Carl’s Stone Cold Lock of the Century of the Week, so there is reason for optimism.

During the holidays we get so caught up in the spirit of giving and brotherhood that we forget about the true reason for the season — to step on the throats of our enemies and grind them into the turf on the way to the Super Bowl. So this Christmas, whether you like the Cowboys or the Eagles, or even the Redskins: Up you and yours this holiday season. ‘Cause the Giants are Carl’s Stone Cold Lock of the Century…of the Week.

As always, RUN THE BALL!

When did we, and by we I mean ‘Winnipeggers,’ turn into big weather sucks like the rest of the world? I blame the media. How many weather stories can one person see and read before they’re conditioned to feel threatened by snowflakes? Dear red Toyota Corolla in front of me: Just because it’s snowing doesn’t mean you have to freak out and drive 15 km/h on the major city arteries. I may have the actual numbers wrong on this, but I think the city employs two snow plows for every person living within the perimeter. Consider this: On the way to work this morning I passed eight plows. So if everyone could just turn their brains on before heading out the door, that’d be great. I know it’s Christmas and all, but I got things to do and places to go — SO TAKE IT OUT OF SECOND GEAR AND DRIVE LIKE A NORMAL PERSON. Here’s another tip: Trying to change a diaper or play board games with your kids in the backseat while driving is not helping your mobility efforts. It’s actually distracting you from approaching the post speed limit, while testing the limits of my patience. Thank you.

To celebrate the time and a half I’m getting today holidays and to anticipate the impressive running style of Chris Johnson in tonight’s NFL game, let’s all take a moment to enjoy the above song. Adam Duritz and Johnson have the same barber.

I was talking football with Eddie Vedder last night. We were at a club, or venue as the French kids like to say, and the discussion veered towards the National Football League. Maybe it was at a pub — I can’t remember, it was snowing. Anyway, I always figured the Pearl Jam frontman a fan of the Seattle Seahawks. Hometown delights, right? Little did I know that was yet another lie I had been living. It turns out Vedder likes the Eagles. Now that the truth is out there, it makes perfect sense that he would. I told him Soundgarden defined a generation. Checkmate.

During this encounter, our discussion continuously interrupted by his legions of fans looking for a photo or a swatch of flannel, the subject of gambling comes up. Vedder, it turns out, loves to bet the games. LOVES IT! He’s always crunching the numbers, finding the better lines, examining the trends of each week’s slate of match-ups — so much so, that he can remember every play on every game this year. It was uncanny. Ask him to sing the words for “Dissident” and he has no idea where to start. But ask him to detail a tragic loss, and he’ll paint a picture of betting heavy on the Cardinals against the 49ers in a Monday night financial disaster.

As we laughed at our various monetary misfortunes, I remember thinking ‘Holy shit, I’m talking to Eddie Vedder about football.’ It didn’t seem weird, though. It was like we met several times before. He told me he played drums. OMG I play drums! We laughed. We talked about this week — who we like, who we don’t like — and how we thought the rest of the season would play out. It was real, you know? It was insightful. It was Vedder. You won’t find a better man. Unfortunately, I was a little more preoccupied with the image of our conversation than the actual discussion itself, and I totally forget what games he said was going to play. Next thing I knew, the bar band was playing a Sloan cover and Vedder was out the door, avocado and all.

Here are three games I think Vedder would play:

San Diego at Tennessee
Over 47 points
Here’s to a sloppy game on the defensive side of the ball, where Chargers receivers break three or four tackles before being brought down and Christmas Johnson runs for 200 yards and three scores.

New York Jets at Indianapolis
Colts minus 5.5
If this was closer to seven I might take the Jets and the points. Will Peyton and Co. sit and rest? Only if they have a big lead midway through the third quarter. If New York keeps the game close, Manning will keep playing. It’s that simple.

Minnesota at Chicago
Bears +260
Other than the possibility of Jay Cutler going for the single-season interception record, why wouldn’t you take a flyer on the Bears in this game? The Vikings have proven themselves to be suspect of late and with the No. 4 circus back in town, their slide seems a little more enjoyable for everyone. Best. Gift. Ever. The formula is out there: Stop the Vikings run, and you’ll stop the Vikings offence.

UPDATE: There seems to be some question as to whether or not I actually did spend some time with Eddie Vedder Wednesday night. Two people emailed about the run-in. One of them was Masterclark, who should know better. Or Vedder. This is not 1993 and we do not live in Gimli, dude. The reference to EV has been adjusted at the top.

It’s Christmas Eve Eve, which probably means not much action over here for the next couple days. I’ll be chained to my desk Christmas Day, so post regularity will probably get back to standard frequency then. But don’t hold me to that. Actually, forget I said anything. With the holiday season screwing up schedules and daily routines, who knows when things will get back to normal around here. Do people really still line up at Best Buy at four in the morning? For a plasma TV? It makes no sense. They’re so cheap now — what are they saving, like a hundred bucks? Sweet.

Merry Christmas (above). It’s the most wonderful time of the year (below).

How do you know if we’re doing it…sporadically?

Dear Santa,

Thanks to the *terrific effort* from Aaron Brooks and the 2001 New Orleans Saints Saturday, there is a lot on the line in Washington tonight. Oh, just the season, no biggie. As a result of that Dallas victory, previous Christmas wish lists have been ripped up. All I want from you is three wins. That’s all I’m looking at, fat man. I don’t need cross-country ski wax this year. There’s not enough snow on the trails, anyway.

I know some help is needed to make my dreams of an NFL post season possible, but that’s not what this plea post is about. Three wins in row. Just do that, and I’ll be quite happy — even if things don’t shake down the way I want. I’ve said it all year — just keep me interested. Is that too much to ask?

Now a message to the non-Cowboys fan readership: I trust that I all have your support for the Giants tonight. And the next week. And the week after that. Donations in the support of promises to God or souls sold to the devil can be made out to the laughable New York secondary and vexing pass rush. I thank you. Bill Sheridan thanks you.