the 4th star

It must be Grey Cup week, as the newspaper polls are out in full force. First, the Sunshine put forth their annual ‘You Be the Boss’ questionnaire, asking Blue Bomber fans to rate all of the players and the moves made by the organization this past season. Yesterday, a few Canwest family members released the annual Calgary Herald/Winnipeg Free Press media poll on their websites, all framed with the Winnipeg Blue Bombers being the biggest story of the season. For all the wrong reasons, of course. Among the notable selections in the poll was the standing of head coach Mike Kelly. Combative and questionable player decisions? Can’t wait ’till next year!

In the spirit of the local pollstars, I’ve decided to come up with my own Mike Kelly/Blue Bombers questionnaire.

Question 1 — You’re Mike Kelly. It’s second and long. What do you do?
a) Punt.
b) Run the ball into the backs of your offensive linemen.
c) Call Andy Reid.
d) Or Joe Gibbs.
e) Or Brad Childress.
f) All of the above.

Question 2 — Which statement is true?
a) Michael Bishop has a cannon for an arm, but struggles with his accuracy.
b) Michael Bishop once killed an old lady in the fifth row from an errant throw.
c) Michael Bishop counts interceptions as completions.
d) There is no football question that has Michael Bishop as the answer.
e) All of the above.

Question 3 — Complete this sentence: Mike Kelly stopped taking calls on his radio show because…
a) Lyle Bauer didn’t want him calling fans ‘idiots.’
b) The Board of Directors didn’t want him calling fans ‘idiots.’
c) He didn’t want his daughter hearing people calling him an idiot.
d) He couldn’t come up for another word for ‘idiot.’
e) There are too many idiots out there.
f) All of the above.

Question 4 — How does Mike Kelly like his pasta?
a) Saucy!
b) Incomplete.
c) Raw.
d) Inconsistent.
e) He only eats cheesesteaks from Pat’s or Gino’s.

Question 5 — True or false: Third-string QB Stefan LeFors was put in an impossible position by Mike Kelly.
a) True
b) True
c) All of the above

Question 6 — According to Mike Kelly, what should a CFL coach be measured on?
a) Wins.
b) Making the playoffs.
c) Developing a quarterback.
d) Improvements made from week to week.
e) Providing an entertaining product.
f) None of the above.

Question 7 — Mike Kelly deserves a second year as the Blue Bombers head coach because…
a) He’s built up previously poor areas of the club, like the secondary and special teams.
b) Most players are locked up for 2010, so the foundation has been set for success in Year Two.
c) Even Jeff Reinebold made it to a second season!
d) He’s got a real good group of men in the room.
e) Definitely ‘d.’

Question 8 — Some guy dressed as Hulk Hogan made some news after assaulting a police officer in the final game of the season. If Mike Kelly was a wrestler, which one would he be?
a) Baron von Raschke.
b) Big Boss Man.
c) The Undertaker.
d) Mr. Perfect.
e) The Ultimate Warrior
f) Iron Mike Sharpe
g) The Big Show
h) Ravishing Rick Rude
i) I could do this all day.

Question 9 — Who was the target for Doug Brown’s sorrow this season?
a) The fans.
b) The city.
c) All of the above.

Question 10 — What should be the Blue Bombers marketing slogan next season?
a) “Grey Skies Are Going to Clear Up (we mean it this time).”
b) “Unfinished Business”
c) “Going Out of Business”
d) “Expectations Lead to Disappointments.”
e) “Will the Last One to Leave Please Turn the Lights Off and Lock the Door.”
f) “Laughter is the Best Medicine.”
g) “Free Beer.”
h) Again, I could do this all day

Wikipedia:

Marshal (also sometimes spelled marshall in American English and considered by some to be erroneous, but not in British English) is a word used in several official titles of various branches of society. The word derives from Old High German marah “horse” and schalh “servant,” and originally meant “stable keeper.” As marshals became trusted members of the courts of Medieval Europe, the title grew in reputation. During the last few centuries, it has been used for the most elevated offices. The American English spelling of the name (“Marshall”) is often confused with the spelling of the title (“Marshal”). It is approximate to the position of Constable, of similar etymology, Latin comes stabuli (count of the stables).

Huh? OK, further down the page we find our answer:

The term is still used in modern pageantry; for example, the grand marshal of a parade is often an honored guest or dignitary.

And there you have it. Good luck, Elisha Cuthbert. I wonder if she’s related to Chris Cuthbert, the TSN play-by-play man. I can’t believe I never thought of that before. This is also the first time I’ve noticed that Elisha has the first name of a certain New York Giants quarterback that I’m currently crushing on. Again, how could I not see that? It’s like I never gave any attention to her name before. What could possibly distract me?

Oh.