the 4th star

I’ve been to Regina a few times. I got really drunk the night before the Labour Day Classic one time. I don’t remember the details — as in what bar my friends and I were at or where we stayed — but I distinctly remember walking back to the hotel after throwing up outside the establishment. What a loser. When kick-off finally rolled around, I was still so sick that it took me a full half to find my legs. Once those were located (and the headache subsided), things in the stands quickly disintegrated into a free-for-all between the Blue Bomber supporters and the Green Rider Priders. Who would have thought peanuts would make such an effective projectile? During one exchange with some Saskatchewaners behind us, with the beers and nuts flying all around, there was a break in the action. A guy wearing a B.C. Lions jersey — correction, a super-tight B.C. Lions jersey — started walking up the stairs into our section. The warfare stopped. Someone started chanting “BEE. CEE SUCKS! BEE. CEE SUCKS!” Everyone got swept up in the altered focus, and the temporary cease-fire turned into an all out assault on this poor Lions sucker.

I also remember getting to field level during the game, too. If memory serves (and for this story, let’s just assume it does), a friend of mine wanted to follow these chicks down there. You know, chat ‘em up. Why I was included in this excursion is anyone’s guess, as I’m neither a quality wingman or person of interest to the opposite sex. But that’s not the point. We were on the sidelines! Damned if I know how we got down there and what we did when we stood at the chalk, but we were there. Interesting side note: There is no beer service on the 30-yard-line. No idea what happened with the girls. I’m guessing my friend blew it. He probably has a different account, though.

As for Sunday’s game in Regina, I will not be there. The Roughriders, hosting their first Western Final in 85 years, are three-point favourites over the defending champion Calgary Stampeders (3 p.m., TSN). With the big Coupe Grey Cup game in Cowtown later this month, there’s a lot on the line for both teams. If Calgary wins, they get the home crowd for a Grey Cup. If the Roughies comes through, they get a home crowd, too — as the entire province of Saskatchewan will fill their trucks with purple gas and make the voyage west. Maybe we can stop at the IKEA, pa? You betcha, dear.

I like the Riders. They are at home and I think Henry Burris will be running for his life all afternoon. Plus no one likes Calgary. Some friendly advice: I wouldn’t bet on this game if I were you. Especially if you’re using this preview in your information-gathering process. You’ve been warned. Besides, as most of you know, I’ll have my eyes fixed on the late afternoon draw in the NFL. I do have another Regina story, involving me freezing mt ass off at a Grey Cup game, but I’ll save that for another day. I think Baltimore won that year. I don’t remember.