the 4th star

I can’t believe I’m going to do this.

After reading Pierre McGuire’s latest list for the Canadian Olympic team, I feel obligated to step away from my legendary dislike from one of the omissions and make a case on his behalf. Has it really come to this? Has McGuire’s ridiculous crushes on Jarome Iginla and Jordan Staal reached such epic proportions that I am now finding an obligation, a national service duty or some sort of mis-guided community service to argue for Ryan Smyth to be on the club?

What year is it? Who’s typing this right now?

Full disclosure: I have never liked Smyth. Look past the mullet and all you’re left with is a bad jersey number and a wonky skating style prone to injury. Why people call him Captain Canada is beyond me? He wasn’t even captain when he played for the Oilers — a Canadian-based team. Oh, right. World Championship teams. Now that TSN is involved with Hockey Canada, a new importance has been placed on those clubs, hasn’t it? Let’s get back to Smyth. How about those crocodile tears he shed when he came back to Edmonton as a member of the Colorado Avalanche? Classic douchebaggery. And what about that pronunciation of his last name? To me, it reads Smeyeth — as in Conn Smythe Trophy or Smythe Division. Everyone else says it’s Smith — as in Jason Smith is a better skater than Ryan Smyth. I could go on, but as you can see, plenty of reasons to look elsewhere for ice inspiration.

But yet here I am, lobbying for ‘Smeyethy’ to be on the 2010 team.

I have no problem with McGuire’s goaltenders and defencemen (minus Phaneuf — sorry Pierre, your love affair is well documented but Doughty is taking his spot). Big Mac’s forward selections are a joke, though. Before we look at them, keep this fact in mind: These players are being considered because, according to the article, they are “playing their best right now.” Here they are:

Rick Nash-Sidney Crosby-Martin St. Louis
Jeff Carter-Ryan Getzlaf-Corey Perry
Brenden Morrow-Mike Richards-Shane Doan
Patrick Marleau-Jordan Staal-Jarome Iginla

No problem with the first line, but there’s a big drop-off to the second, isn’t there? Ryan Getzlaf? He has one goal this year. Might as well throw Vinny Lecavalier on there if you’re going to take a guy based on what he should be doing. Joe Thornton might look good in that spot, no? Carter and Perry are fine on the wings, though Perry is always good for a really bad penalty every other period. As for line No. 3, I have to think Richards and Morrow are locks, but it’s here where the case for Smyth begins.

Doan: Twelve points in 14 games and a minus two rating.
Smyth: Nineteen points in 15 games and a plus seven.
Both guys are Hockey Canada lifers, both have some grit and some talent around the net. And if you want Doan on your team, I’d sign off on that, as there are other spots where Smyth fits in better, anyway.

Let’s go over to that fourth line. Marleau should probably find his way somewhere in the second line (good-bye Carter, but not because of Carter — Marleau is just playing better right now).

JORDAN STAAL? Get real.

Staal: Six points in 15 games. Leslie Stahl puts up better numbers. SIX! Other players with that point total? Matt Cooke and Darcy Tucker. To put this selection into perspective (isn’t it already?), if you’re going to use Staal as a defensive centre, then why not grab Jon Toews (five points in nine games, missed the last few with a concussion) instead? He’s more of a threat to score and his shutdown abilities (face-off circle, defensive positioning) are way better. Plus, if an injury happens on the upper lines, Toews can fill in no problem. He’s only the No. 1 centre on the Hawks! That’s a terrible pick by McGuire. Somewhere, Rob Zamuner is smiling.

Another somewhat questionable selection is Iginla.

Iginla: Twelve points in 13 games. Not great for a ‘superstar’ player.
Once again, Smyth: Nineteen points in 15 games! Ahead of every guy on McGuire’s list except Marleau and Nash. And the young guns and big guns that McGuire mentions as possible surprises, the James Neals, Steven Stamkoses (huh?), and Dany Heatleys of the world? Smyth is ahead of all of them on points, too.

I find it funny that McGuire puts Iginla on his club but punts Lecavalier — who many would rank ahead of the Flames captain — without even a mention. I’m not saying Iginla (or Doan) shouldn’t be on there but if it’s all about “playing their best right now,” Smyth has a better case than both of them. If he remains on this impressive course and avoids injury when the time comes for Steve Yzerman & Co. pick the team (New Years Eve), ‘Smeyethy’ has to be there. I can’t believe I just wrote this post. What’s next? A full pardon for Gord Miller?

The 4th Star Suicide Pool: Zombie Edition means a lot of things to a lot of different people. OK, maybe not that many people. But just imagine how many people would be playing if I actually pimped this bitch out! Yeah. That’s what I’m talking about.

For some, it means they have a chance to participate in something (football) that they would otherwise give no attention to. For others, it provides a vehicle to showcase just how smart they are when picking the middle of the pack clubs in the NFL. Some are good at this, some aren’t. Life is life. La-la-la-lala. Life is life.

Looking at last week’s list, I see we have a couple more deaths to report. I originally thought they may be H1N1 related, but the coroner’s report tells of a senseless Arizona selection — made, I think, on the strength of their win over the GOD AWFUL NEW YORK GIANTS — and a Detroit pick based purely on some convoluted alphabetic system of chance. These were not wise choices, and like the fallen before them, we honour their memory through subtle mocking and ridicule.

See you later, alligators.

And then there were six crocodiles left in the swamp. Hustlerama, DKUN, MDB, Wingman2, Hudsy, and WazooWazny. And if you’ve come this far, maybe you’re willing to come a little further? What’s that from? Shawshank, I think. Anyway, a reminder to all selecticons that the following four teams — Indianapolis, Minnesota, Denver, and New Orleans — cannot and will not be selected. And if you think I’m joking…try me. Just try me…’cause I WOULD LOVE IT!

To break with tradition (and to ensure the Wigmaster doesn’t piggyback on my selection, forcing him to actually look at a sports website), I’ll give my pick later in the comments, when all the other picks have been made. Looking at the schedule this week, it’s pretty clear that most of us will be taking the same team anyway.

Pick away, people.