the 4th star

It’s only Wednesday. Don’t know if it has something to do with the loss of daylight from my savings account, but it feels like a long week. Doesn’t it? I don’t know. Maybe I’m coming down with something. God, I wish I played for the Flames or the Abbotsford Heat. At least I could cross H1N1 off my list of possible ailments.

The usual NFL package will be coming up later this week, and the final regular season ‘three questions’ regarding the Winnipeg Blue Bombers is already being considered (could be the last game, could be a special edition), but I feel the need to alleviate the boredom around here. Maybe we all need a laugh. That might cheer us up. With that, let’s steal a page from these guys, who stole a page from these guys, and look at how amazing it is that “The Plagiarist” still earns an income in the Winnipeg media scene. It’s an easy post cop-out, no question, but what the hell? I have two big school papers due tomorrow and I’m running out of steam idea-wise. I also don’t like giving him the link, but his latest piece is a real piece.

It never fails to amaze, that ol’ Mainstream Media Circus.
Thank God I’m only the “Sports Director” for only one of the longest running commercial radio stations in Winnipeg.

Is it because papers are folding left and right, layoffs are always imminent and changes are coming at people very rapidly, that the “journalist” of today needs to write about meaningless, stupid, personal, hateful crap to sell the product?
Yes. “The Plagiarist” (see what I did there?) hates personal anecdotes. Probably because they require original thought and a sense of transparency.

Where did actual reporting go?
It was replaced by cutting and pasting.

Don’t sport sections break stories anymore or is that now reserved for websites and blogs like this one or hotdoghockey.com and the websites of the individual teams and leagues.
Well, first off, I think that’s a question. Second, a visit to other site mentioned has this breaking news: The NHL has financial troubles. For bonus laughter, check out this, post on Oct. 30, 2009:

Sitting around talking to a certain NHL player the other day, I got this response to a question about Hallo’ween. You know, that time of year when National Hockey League fans come to the rink dressed up as empty seats. “Yeah, it’s pretty scary in some of those markets (no comedy intended),” said my friend, a Manitoba-born NHL player. “You look up into the stands in some of these rinks and you see all your escrow money just flying off into the breeze.”

A certain NHL player? Give us another hint. Oh, he’s from Manitoba! That narrows it down. Why do I get the feeling you made this whole thing up? Back to the original comedy…

There seems to be more news coming off message boards (How you doing, U of M Bisons?) than out of newspapers these days.
Yes, let’s take a shot at the Bisons for coming clean with not an error in judgment, but an honest mistake. Honest mistakes through oversight = bad. Errors in judgments? Those are OK.

Anyway, let’s look at what’s transpired this week. And have a few laughs.
I’m laughing already.

1) Here’s this week’s trade rumour report – rumours that NEVER seem to come to fruition – courtesy of Trade Rumour Central, the Midnight News of the World. Or, rather, the Ottawa Sun.
How is Casey Printers doing with the Bombers, anyway?

The Ottawa Sun now claims that the New York Rangers are trying to trade Christopher Higgins, the Anaheim Ducks are trying to trade Todd Marchant, the Leafs are trying to trade Jason Blake and I love this one: Because the Chicago Blackhawks have a limited amount of cap space, they’re looking to trade Jonathan Toews and/or Patrick Kane.
Perhaps the mistake you’re making is reading the Ottawa Sun. But let’s look at the players in question — Higgins: One goal. Todd Marchant: Zero points in 13 games. Jason Blake: One goal. Toews/Kane: Certainly not out of the realm of possibility that one of them (Kane) has to go given the cap issues. What is the problem, again?

These aren’t rumours. These are festering piles of manufactured crapola.
Trust me. I’m plugged into the NHL! Just ask that Manitoba-born player who I won’t mention by name.

2) Mike Kelly gets smarter every day.
Nowhere to go but up.

And maybe he doesn’t even know it.
He doesn’t.

The Winnipeg media has been obsessed by Kelly’s radio outburst after Sunday’s 48-13 loss in Montreal.
If by “obsessed” you mean “reporting on,” then yes.

If you believe the local hacks, Kelly is bad for football in this town and while it’s nice that he’s giving people who already don’t go to the games an apparently valid excuse to continue not going, he has done something that the last coach of this team would never, ever do.
Bring in a third-stringer to be the quarterback? Put up a losing record before he gets axed? Cancel the call in portion of his radio show? Set a new record for official apologies? Feel free to stop me at any time…

Kelly has decided that when his team loses, he’s going to take responsibility. What a novel idea.
Confirming that he’s a terrible coach is not a novel idea.

The last guy, Doug (It’s not my job) Berry, would throw half-a-dozen players under the bus before he’d even hint that maybe he didn’t do everything humanly possible to have his team ready to play. In fairness, Berry was often criticized for that approach.
Not sure how that is fair, but continue…

Now, when the local fishwraps get a guy who takes ALL the responsibility, it makes them crazy. “He’s rude,” they cry.
Technically, those tears are from laughing, but that’s an honest mistake.

Yep, he’s rude. He’s also taken the spotlight away from a horrible effort in Montreal and taken all the heat himself. Football needs more Mike Kellys, not fewer.
Just imagine how many people wouldn’t care about the Bombers if there were more Mike Kellys. Now that would be something to buy a ticket to see!

3) Speaking of Kelly, the most interesting suggestion made by the media during the past few weeks is that people have decided NOT to go to Blue Bomber games because those people don’t like the coach.
There are just not enough Mike Kellys out there on the field.

Get a grip boys. If owners actually believed that people suddenly started buying football tickets to watch coaches, those owners would immediately hire Jessica Biel, Kaley Cuoco, Jennifer Garner and Kate Beckinsale… as coaches.
And they would probably have the same success as Kelly. Oh dang! If these broads were coaches…yeah!  So that’s why you’ve been at the gym so much.