the 4th star

This could go two ways. Either the Winnipeg Blue Bombers will continue this steep trajectory they’re on and hand the Montreal Alouettes their first loss at home this season, a win that would certainly give the promoters some ammo in the legitimacy section of the illegitimate CFL, or the club will lose as expected — and as expected — deny all suggestions that they were looking ahead to the be-all, end-all game against the Hamilton Tigercats next weekend.

Personally, I think the Bombers have enough momentum to win tomorrow. WHAT? Yes, it’s true. I’m not a fan, and I really don’t care either way if the team wins or loses, so despite the idea out there that I’m nothing but a hater, the fact is I can throw some love around when I think it’s warranted. Sigh. When did objectivity get such a bad rap? Oh well, a question (or post) for another day, I guess. Back to the Bleu et Or. Do I think the Bombers are a good team? Let me answer that with the name Michael Bishop. Do I think the Bombers are a bad team? Let me answer that with that extremely solid offensive line — the only reason this club is still a regular season concern, in my humble opinion.

Winnipeg Blue Bombers (7-9) at Montreal Alouettes (13-3)
La Brewhouse Molson
Noon, opposite the Giants game so let me know how it ends

1. Are the Bombers really convinced Anthony Calvillo isn’t a factor?
Everyone, from the players to the coaches to the boosters, has stayed on the message this past week that Cavillo wouldn’t have been a factor in the last game (a big Bombers win before friends and family at Polo Park). The reasoning: Cavillo is on the offensive side and would have no bearing on the offensive explosion Winnipeg concocted. While that is true, what the peeps seem to realize is that with AC at the controls of the Montreal offence, there would have been a very good chance of three or four or five long, clock-eating drives that would have not only resulted in Alouettes scores, but would have also kept the Bombers offence off the field. Do I really have to bring this up?

2. How have the Bombers done in Montreal, and can this game set any tone for a potential fifth meeting in the Eastern final?
Well, they already dropped a game there this year, but so has everyone. Here’s the bad news for the Bombers — they are 4-15 in the last 14 seasons. Not a great trend. As for how this game will impact a potential Eastern final, here’s where it gets interesting. If the Bombers win they would have a two game win-streak going against the Als and both clubs would be headed in opposite directions. Anyone who knows anything about sports knows the stronger team will usually rise to the challenge when it matters most, but the Winnipeg side would be hard to beat if the dominoes fell that way.

3. “The bottom line is we have to continue to win games in order to gain respect that we haven’t really been shown yet.” — WBB head coach Mike Kelly.
Some would say people’s opinion of the 7-9 Bombers is exactly where it should be. Some would say you have to earn respect, not demand it. Others might say that if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it’s a duck. Some other people, those folks over there, would say the proof is in the pudding. A couple people who couldn’t be here today wonder if that respect the Kelly wants should be coming from the league or the Bombers fans themselves. I might say something to the effect about a two-way street, but I just can’t summon the energy right now.

Look at that piece of meat. Hamburger. Hamburglar. Man Hamburger. Manburger. Manburglar. Burger King. Burger Time. Daly Burger. Hans Berger. Stephanie Berger. Cheeseburger. Gerhard Berger. That lame-ass guy named Burger on Sex in the City. Chicken Burger. Mini Burgers. Die Burger. Heinrich Burger. Burger and Fries. Bison Burger. Veggie Burger. In-N-Out Burger. I’m running out of burgers. Fur Burger — I don’t know what that is, though. Teen Burger. Papa Burger and the rest of the A&W burger family. Circus Burger. Hamburger Helper. Turd Burger. Hamburger Hill. Albert St. Burger. Mitch Berger.

Oh sure. I could have went the predictable ‘Halloween’ route for the Friday Wrap Jam. You know, throw up some Monster Mash for the kids out there and watch them all jump around as they get their costumes together for Saturday. But I ain’t going out like that. See, it’s bad enough that I’ve become so predictable with the weekly features. The last thing I need is to succumb to these lame-ass money-generating, kid-fattening days on the calendar. Not this cowboy. To end this little monologue, here’s a question for you: What would happen if the Ramones and the Beach Boys had a baby?

Before we get to the losing of money, how about some love for yours truly? OK, I didn’t get the script of the Minnesota-Pittsburgh exactly right, but I’m pretty sure I was yelling in the direction of my TV, screaming at that flippin’ Favre for not only ruining the spread with his carelessness, but for also not being able to punch it in before the final whistle. Nice pick-up six. So old. So predictable.

Let’s get to the picks this week. I’m not including where my money is headed for the Giants-Eagles game, but you can probably figure that out. Maybe I should put it this way: I’m not going to tell you HOW MUCH I’m laying down for a turnaround. Sunday will either be very good, or very bad.

San Francisco at Indianapolis
Colts minus 11.5
With Alex Smith starting for the 49ers, I would take the Colts here no matter what the line. Twenty? No problem. Thirty? Sure. If Peyton Manning is still in this game at the end of the third quarter then you know I’ve made a huge mistake.

Atlanta at New Orleans
Under 54.5 points
The Monday nighter should be a doozy, provided the real Atlanta Falcons show up. If they do make the trip to Superdome, I expect them to at least pretend to play some defence. Not that garbage they displayed in Dallas last week. When do injuries start to slow the Saints down? Every team goes through them throughout the season. Just wondering.

Denver at Baltimore
Broncos plus 3
Jay Cutler Kyle Orton et al are great at home, but now we get to see what this club really looks like. I expect the Ravens to come up firing but once things calm down, the smoke will reveal that Joe Flacco’s offence had to settle for field goals, not touchdowns. Not saying the Broncos win this game, but I’ll take the three and line things up for a game-winning field goal.

Before I set things in motion for this week’s version of the 4th Star Suicide Pool: Zombie Edition, let’s talk about the New York Giants-Philadelphia Eagles game for a second. To quote my father as he dropped me off at hockey one night, during those bantam years when things weren’t going well for the mighty Winterhawks: You better frickin’ win this time.

While it might be a little premature to say the season is in the balance for the New York Giants, the season is in the balance for the New York Giants. Lose this game and there will be serious consequences. For me. Here’s the thing: I can’t lose anymore sleep over this team and another loss to an inferior opponent — especially one coached by that idiot Andy Reid — and I’ll be dead. You might as label me a Kansas City Chiefs fan, for Christ’s sake! The New Orleans game — sure, they were going to lose that one no matter how well they played. No one will beat the Saints until the playoffs (or this Monday) so that loss is taken, slipped into the pocket of my dress jacket, and forgotten about until its time to go to the dry-cleaners. The Cardinals game, on the other hand, has me full of concern. RED FLAG CONCERN. I didn’t like the way the defence played. I didn’t like the coaching — on either side of the ball. I didn’t like the punting. I didn’t like the way Eli Manning kept using 60 seconds of the 45 second play clock. Here are the New York Giants, a team built on the traditions of running the ball and staunch defensive play, not running the ball and not defending anything.

Wazoo’s Early Christmas List

1. An effective pass rush.
2. Thirty-five touches on the ground.
3. An effective pass rush.

Now that I got that off my chest, let’s take a look at the pool. Last week saw two people sink to the bottom of the ocean floor — including the defending champion from the first six weeks. According to my records, the following souls are still walking among us: BS, MDB, DKUN, Hustlerama, Ian Hudson, Wingman2, MasterClark, and myself. A reminder: These four teams — Minnesota, Indianapolis, Denver, New Orleans — are strictly off-limits. You can’t take them. You want to take them, you need to take them, but you can’t. Zombie rules.

So let’s see here…I like the Bears to pound the Browns and the Dallas-Seattle game looks mighty inviting, but I’m going with the San Diego Chargers to defeat the Oakland Raiders. JaMarcus Russell is a human turnover. Blueberry. Why aren’t you picking the Giants, you ask? Shut up.

Pick away in the comments.

Rene Bourque and Dustin Penner highlight the forward group. Ed Jovanovski and Michael Del Zotto bring up the back-end. And if you think any of the aforementioned players will actually be on the club come February, you’re an idiot. But what about the goaltenders? Who will get the start for Canada when the 2010 Winter Olympics invade Vancouver in less than four months time? You know the usual suspects. You’ve assessed the pros and cons of each. You’ve put together your lists at work. You’ve debated their merits over beers at the local spirits establishment until the chairs rested on the tables.

But are those guys in the mix for some Canadian Club?

The Goaltenders

Like the forwards and defence, the numbers are going to tell us who should start. Point totals are out, though, so what do we use as the determining stat? Well, wins is a pretty baseless stat and goals against average is just slightly better. Let’s go with save percentage. The number of saves made in relation to the number of shots   received, telling everyone if a goaltender is hotsy-totsy or hotsy-notsy. Once again, all numbers listed are heading into Tuesday night.

Jose Theodore — .922 save percentage
Why he’s on the team: The better question is: Why is he still in the NHL? His meltdown against the Rangers last spring was memorable. Thanks for coming out: The ghost of Patrick Roy still haunts this guy. Darkhorse factor: Could act as a translator when the team tries to pick up French athletes in the village.

Marty Turco — .917 save percentage
Why he’s on the team: Because Team Canada desperately needs a goaltender named ‘Marty’ on the club. Thanks for coming out: His generosity with the puck has eroded any idea that he’s an elite goaltender. Darkhorse factor: Marc Crawford, his coach in Dallas, has a great history with Canadian Olympic teams. Oh wait. No, he doesn’t. Grab some pine, Gretz.

Marc-Andre Fleury — .917 save percentage
Why he’s on the team: Well, he won the Stanley Cup so that’s something. Thanks for coming out: Once wore bright yellow pads. Has since switched to white ones, but people don’t forget things like that. Darkhorse factor: Who am I kidding? Not one of these guys has a chance to even GO to the Olympics, let alone play in them.

So who’s not here?
Before getting to that, I should mention that I wrote a capsule on Craig Anderson. Figuring it wouldn’t be a bad idea to check where that guy was from, I noticed he was American. Too bad. Where are the big name goaltenders for Canada? Well, Marty Brodeur and Cam Ward are just a shade under the leaders and Roberto Luongo is on the shelf for a week following a very slow start. Steve Mason? Yeah, his .883 save percentage is not going to get it done.

The forwards are done. No shortage of players to choose from there. On the blue-line, though, things start to get interesting. Put yourself in Steve Yzerman’s shoes for a second. Do you go with the old guard and hope those guys still have a little gas in the tank, or do you roll the dice on a few young bucks and hope they can mature as the Olympic tournament goes on? Tough decision.

I think Yzerman will play it safe and go with the ones he knows — the guys he played against in the past. I expect the a pretty familiar line-up on the back-end, one that would be hard to argue with — until the Russians start skating around them like they’re a bunch of Grant Ledyards (Todd Marchant reference), that is.

The Defence

Same as before. Point totals rule the day. Why? Because the best defence is keeping the puck in the other teams’ net. Worked for Paul Coffey. I decided to take eight defencemen, the extra guy for suspension concerns. You know what I’m talking about. All points are heading into Wednesday’s action.

Dan Boyle — 12 points in 12 games
Why he’s on the team: The premier offensive defenceman in the game today. The term defenceman is almost a misnomer. He’s like a fourth forward out there at times. Thanks for coming out: The San Jose stench has put a lot of good players in question. Darkhorse factor: There is no factor. He’ll be on the team. His plus-minus will be around zero, but he’ll be on the team.

Michael Del Zotto — 12 points in 12 games
Why he’s on the team: I’m not sure if it’s just lip-service or a media invention, but Hockey Canada seems set on dragging a few young guys with them to Vancouver. Just for the experience. How much experience you can get from the press box is a question for another day. Thanks for coming out: No one has ever heard of this guy. Darkhorse factor: Instant chemistry with Roberto Luongo. A star in the pre-game kick around.

Drew Doughty — 11 points in 12 games
Why he’s on the team: This guy has to be a lock for this club. Strong world championship, strong ‘getting to know you’ camp, and now a strong start to the season. Doughty should be a King for life. Thanks for coming out: Yzerman seems set on older guys on defence. You could say he has his ‘doughts.’ Darkhorse factor: The guy will anchor the Canadian blue-line for the next 20 years.

Mike Green — nine points in 11 games
Why he’s on the team: TSN, MTV. Thanks for coming out: Stupid haircut. Poor playoff performer. Allergic to defensive coverage. What is with that lid, seriously? Darkhorse factor: Option B if Boyle can’t go.

Ed Jovanovski — nine points in 10 games
Why he’s on the team: What year is it? Thanks for coming out: Is he really among the league leaders? Darkhorse factor: Familiar with disappointing the Vancouver crowd.

Dion Phaneuf — nine points in 10 games
Why he’s on the team: Big hitter. Big shot. Big gamble. He’s had a nice start and Pierre McGuire is happy. Thanks for coming out: As amazing as this is to type, Phaneuf is more a defensive liability than Green. Might not be available late in close games. Plus he’s the shittiest interview in the world. Darkhorse factor: Seems to have answered critics with a strong start. No word if guardian Brent Sutter will be in Vancouver, though.

Chris Pronger — eight points in 10 games
Why he’s on the team: Because people are actually scared of him, that’s why. Thanks for coming out: Penalties and/or suspension. Darkhorse factor: Guessing Yzerman has a memory of Pronger doing something to him that hasn’t been forgiven. There’s probably a welt or a bone that didn’t heal right involved.

Duncan Keith — eight points in 11 games
Why he’s on the team: Winnipeg! Falls under the Doughty category. Pencil this guy in for the next three of four Olympics (if the NHL participates). Want to know his value? Let’s just see if the Hawks keep him or Kane or Seabrook, or Barker or anyone else. The cornerstones are Toews and Keith. Thanks for coming out: Yzerman hates Chicago. Darkhorse factor: Of all the guys listed, he might be the most steady in his own end.

So who’s not here?
Before that, it should be noted that players named Kyle Quincey and Jason Demers were tied with Pronger and Keith in the points leaders. I didn’t include them because the young player quotient has been filled with Doughty and Del Zotto and only a handful of people can tell me where Demers plays. Plus, let’s be honest: Who doesn’t want to see Pronger in the middle of an international uproar? Now to the players who aren’t here. Scott Niedermayer, Shea Weber,  Jay Bouwmeester, Robyn Regehr, and Kent Huskins all have to pick up their games. Am I missing anyone?

With the National Hockey League schedule about 10 or so games in, the Toronto Maple Leafs finally winning a game, and the Flyers Simon Gagne injured again (it’s more news-worthy when he’s OFF injured reserve), it seems as good a time as any to take a look at who would wear the Maple Leaf if the Canadian Olympic team was selected tonight. Rather than weigh those silly intangibles like “leadership” and “experience” or “grit” and being a “good Canadian kid” in the evaluation process, why not take a look at what the team would look like (and what it wouldn’t look like) if we went solely by the numbers?

After all, if the boys picking the team are true to their word, whoever’s going good right now will certainly be considered when it’s time to lower the guillotine or it’s time to take that call from the governor. Let’s start with the forwards first, and do the defencemen and goaltenders as the week moves on. Could do them all at once, but I’m suffering from blog-writer’s block these days and I want to spread this out over the next couple days.

The Forwards

How do you pick forwards? Well, most of them are built to put up points so let’s look at those first. At the end, tie-breakers will be determined by physical make-up, plus-minus, penalty minutes, and jersey number. Just joking. There will be no tie-breakers. All points and other stats heading into Tuesday night’s action.

Joe Thornton — 17 points in 12 games
Why he’s on the team: The guy can score. The guy can pass. He should be really good in the exhibition games and matches against the third-world hockey countries. Seriously. The guy can’t be that dense to understand that he needs to be lights-out the first two months of the season to have a chance, right? Thanks for coming out: Yzerman saw him play in the post season last year. Or rather, didn’t see him play in the post season last year. Darkhorse factor: Chemistry with other Sharks that will be on the club helps his position.

Patrick Marleau — 16 points in 12 games
Why he’s on the team: See Thornton. Thanks for coming out: Yzerman thought they were the same player. Darkhorse factor: Misery loves company. The Sharks’ top players play well in October.

Rick Nash — 15 points in 10 games
Why he’s on the team: Pure goal scorer. World class release. Big body in front of the net, plus playing under Ken Hitchcock, he’s figured out what the term ‘defence’ means. Thanks for coming out: It would take a massive collapse. Or a season-ending injury. Darkhorse factor: Longtime Hockey Canada employee.

Dustin Penner — 15 points in 11 games
Why he’s on the team: What? Dustin Penner is on the team? Oh God, I thought this was real for a second. Penner falls under the category of ‘intrigue.’ If he can keep his level of play up, he’ll have a legitimate shot to find Vancouver. He has Kevin Lowe and Steve Tambellini working for him, too. That’s all a big maybe, though. Now that everyone’s taking notice of his strong play, expect him to be in Pat Quinn’s doghouse by the weekend. Thanks for coming out: Where do you put him? He’s not going to replace scorers on the top two lines, and his defensive play has never been his calling card. He is plus-8, though. Hmmmm. Darkhorse factor: Lowe, more Herbal Magic.

Dany Heatley — 15 points in 12 games
Why he’s on the team: Goal scorer. One look killer. Question his character all you want, the guy can snipe. Thanks for coming out: He requested a trade to the Americans during the Yzerman call. Darkhorse factor: Canadian redemption tour continues.

Ryan Smyth — 15 points in 12 games
Why he’s on the team: Playing really well. Loads of international experience. Plus he’s the only player in my hockey draft that doing anything this season. HE’S ON! Thanks for coming out: Gets into an argument with Hockey Canada bosses about the pronunciation of his name. Plus he wouldn’t shave his sideburns. Darkhorse factor: Yzerman still owes him for grabbing the bill on those hookers in Salt Lake.

Rene Bourque — 14 points in 10 games
Why he’s on the team: Switched jersey numbers with Iginla but they forgot to register it with the league or tell the equipment guys. Thanks for coming out: No, seriously. Thanks for coming out (why won’t this guy leave?). Darkhorse factor: The name Bourque has a history with Team Canada. Plus they’ll need a few French dudes.

Brad Richards — 13 points in nine games
Why he’s on the team: Solid performer all the way through, despite the fact he can’t skate. Another plus involves his long history of defeating the naysayers. Thanks for coming out: The naysayers are picking the team. Darkhorse factor: People love Prince Edward Island.

Martin St. Louis — 13 points in nine games
Why he’s on the team: A tried and true Team Canada favourite. Thanks for coming out: His small stature may not be ideal in big games. Hey, people figured out Cliff Ronning after a few seasons. Expect for the Jets — they had no answer! Darkhorse factor: Promises to text Lecavalier between periods.

Mike Cammalleri — 12 points in 11 games
Why he’s on the team: He can skate a little, he can shoot it a little. Thanks for coming out: No problem, I just appreciated the opportunity and the consideration. Darkhorse factor: People are starting to realize he’s not Alex Tanguay. Trust me, that’s something.

James Neal — 12 points in 11 games
Why he’s on the team: Remember when he played a couple games for the Moose! Yeah! Local connection! Thanks for coming out: We don’t really have any openings right now, but we’ll keep your resume on file should something come up in the future. Darkhorse factor: Nearly lost an eye last spring playing for Bob Nicholson’s money-making machine.

Steven Stamkos — 11 points in nine games
Why he’s on the team: I’ll give the kid some credit, he’s doing it. Had him figured for a first-round bust of epic proportions, but he’s growing nicely. Thanks for coming out: See Neal. Darkhorse factor: His snowboard look will get the club major mountain tail on off-days.

Sidney Crosby — 11 points in 11 games
Why he’s on the team: You already know why. Thirteenth on the list to a first line centre. Interesting in this little stats evaluation that a point per game makes the cut. Is scoring down this year? Thanks for coming out: Only an injury keeps him out. Darkhorse factor: Malkin slips something into his water bottle before the break. I’d keep an eye on Gonchar and Guerin, too.

So who’s not here?
It should be pointed out that I only expect half of these guys to be on the team. But where is Lecavalier this year? Brendan Morrow? Mike Richards, Jeff Carter? Getzlaf or Perry? Toews hasn’t set things on fire and now he’s hurt. Eric Staal, Doan, and has anyone seen Jerome Iginla? Slow starts for everyone!

“Mychael, Myyyychael. Let me get closer…thanhkyou SO much for saving my job — Wha? No…don’t walk away, shhhh. Two, mayyybe three. Why, can you smell it on my breath? Uh-oh, do you have any Certs?”

Blast. I was going to write five reasons not to buy into what the Winnipeg Blue Bombers are selling, but Easy-E beat me to it. In reverse. Opposite world. Actually, he did me a favour. I’m sick of beating the same drum. Literally, sick of it. In bed all weekend sick of it. I mean, lack of attendance, Facebook groups approaching 5,500 members, divided fan base — I can’t keep building a case when the case is already closed shut. People want the Bomber marketing department to sell some tickets? Watch positivity take over this town if a change you-know-where was made. Not only will you get back the bulk of your renewals to sit in that dump of a stadium, you’d probably get a few new subscribers. The truth is out there.

Even more with this story…
Fred-Ex is Freddie Mitchell from the Philadelphia Eagles from like, four or five years ago. Remember? He was a no-talent receiver who was seconds away from being a total draft bust when he went on ESPN and started trash-talking the Patriots before the Super Bowl. Bill Belichick called him “terrible.” Nevertheless, he was the original Fred-Ex. Unless this die-hard fan hatched this nickname when Reid was still running pig at Mississippi State University, he/she did not come up with it.

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