the 4th star

This past summer has been all about the money. There was the unrestricted free agent *frenzy.* That was around the same time the Phoenix Coyotes financial problems came into the spotlight, when BlackBerry billionaire Jim Balsillie threw his two cents into the fray and the league kept talking out of both sides of its mouth. You know, the place they seem reluctant to put their money in.

Screwed up contracts — both legitimate Chicago fuck-ups and the over-spending variety — became commonplace, and some players decided to gamble on the bigger payday in Russia. Terms like “escrow” and “cap numbers” came to be a part of the conversation, too. Then there was even more change — and even less sense — from Patrick Kane, who allegedly tag-teamed a Buffalo cab driver with his cousin over 20 cents.

It seems talk of climbing out of this recession has put money on the mind and our mind on the money, so in the spirit of cash, let’s take a look at all 21 teams 30 teams as training camps get set to fire up this month. Like most financial ventures, some teams will offer a greater return than others.

PHOENIX COYOTES

Pacific Division
2008-09 record: 36-39-7, fourth in the division, thirteenth in the conference
Cap space: $19.438 million

Tip sheet:
I really hate reading about all the legal garbage…The Coyotes registered an impressive (for them) 23 home wins last season. Twenty-three might be the number of season tickets sold for this season…Shane Doan remains the most over-rated leaders in the NHL. On the plus side, he’s had a chance to see the world playing for Canada at the world championships each spring…Young players on the Coyotes will have an easy time adjusting to the NHL environment. Not only do many junior teams only play before 3,000-4,000 people but the Phoenix farm team in San Antonio is also attendance-challenged.

Fun fact:
The Coyotes used to play in Winnipeg, only they were known as the Jets at the time. Through an interesting symmetry between the two existences, Jets also had trouble at the gate and didn’t win shit.

You should really invest in this club because…
Lawyers make a lot of money, but don’t count against the cap.

The bottom will fall out with…
Great interest from small Canadian markets hoping for a team.

Key acquisition:
Shaun Heshka? Jesus.

Bottom line:
Trading Dale Hawerchuk was a big, big mistake.

Yes. You. Cowboy shirt in the third row. Go ahead.

Yeah, I was just wondering how appropriate is it for Doug Brown, the Canadian Football League Player’s Association representative for the Winnipeg Blue Bombers, to be the supposed *voice of the locker room* with regards to the Barrin Simpson situation?

If I have the order of events right…he’s the one who takes the temperature of the room, determines the majority of players have a problem with Simpson hanging around the locker room, and then goes running to the principal’s office head coach to report his findings — even though one of the most frank and vocal members of that same room tells The Sun that he “liked having him around” and called Simpson “upbeat and positive?”

What is your question then?

Well, isn’t Brown, as the aforementioned CFLPA rep for the Bombers, required/obligated to look out for Simpson’s best interests in all this? To put it another way, if Simpson has an issue with the team and feels like he’s being treated unfairly, wouldn’t the first person he talk to be Brown — for guidance and rule clarification? Granted, the CFLPA has as much clout as Mike Kelly in at a coaching seminar and what they can actually do against the CFL offices is limited at best, but doesn’t that seem a little strange?

OK. Well, it’s my understanding that there’s a lot of he said, he said in all this, and we’ll probably never get all the facts as to what’s really going on…

Agreed, but I’m sure Simpson is thrilled to hear that his player rep is basically siding with management and allegedly threatened to “punch him out.”

Well, as I said, there are a lot of layers to this story. Everyone can agree that Simpson has done himself no favours by asking for a trade, right? OK, then maybe we should just move on. Um…does anyone else have something they want to ask? Over here, with the sweater vest —

Yeah, along those same lines, isn’t Doug Brown the same *hard-hitting columnist* who wrote metaphorically about this situation on Tuesday, coming up with the original premise that to be a good employee you do the job assigned to you — even if you don’t like it?

Yes.

Wow. Can’t wait to read next week’s piece on eating your vegetables and brushing your teeth before you go to bed, or some other necessity in life that EVERYONE ALREADY KNOWS. Groan. “If you want to be a professional football player of any merit, success or standing, then you learn what is taught and presented to you, as distasteful and disagreeable as it may be, adapt to it, and give it a go to the best of your abilities.” Funny. I read that as “mind your own business and do your job.”

Do you have a question?

You bet I do. When are we going to stop being exposed to the fallacy that he is God’s gift to Winnipeg Blue Bombers football? I know that he’s essentially insulated himself in this town by aligning with the two media giants in this city, and good on him for doing that — a very smart business play — but let’s look at this from a football team perspective. Is he really a leader on the club or is he just another player looking out for his best interests? Media guys don’t go public with their criticism of other media guys, so he’s found a nice safe place. Don’t you think that Simpson column is a little transparent? How many players would respect a guy who basically calls out a still contractually-obligated teammate in the newspaper…? One can argue that it’s Brown doing more harm than good.

I’m going to stop you right there. Brown didn’t really mention Simpson’s name…

True. He also didn’t mention all the Grey Cups the Bombers have won in his time here, either. Sorry, that was a cheap shot. What I’m asking, I guess, is one of those questions that no one really wants to explore. Forget about the back-handed attack at Simpson through the newsprint. Do you think squealing to the boss about something that may or may not have happened (Simpson saying disparaging remarks about the organization to two newcomers — something he’s denied) has earned Brown any credibility in that room?

From Brown: “From a locker-room perspective, when times are tough like this, you need to know guys have each other’s back. Especially in our inner sanctum.”

I can’t really answer that. Wow. There’s a lot to think about here. I never really looked at it from the other side before. Um…does anyone else have any other thoughts or questions before we move on to your assignment?

Yeah. What’s another word for ‘tattletale?’

This past summer has been all about the money. There was the unrestricted free agent *frenzy.* That was around the same time the Phoenix Coyotes financial problems came into the spotlight, when BlackBerry billionaire Jim Balsillie threw his two cents into the fray and the league kept talking out of both sides of its mouth. You know, the place they seem reluctant to put their money in.

Screwed up contracts — both legitimate Chicago fuck-ups and the over-spending variety — became commonplace, and some players decided to gamble on the bigger payday in Russia. Terms like “escrow” and “cap numbers” came to be a part of the conversation, too. Then there was even more change — and even less sense — from Patrick Kane, who allegedly tag-teamed a Buffalo cab driver with his cousin over 20 cents.

It seems talk of climbing out of this recession has put money on the mind and our mind on the money, so in the spirit of cash, let’s take a look at all 21 teams 30 teams as training camps get set to fire up this month. Like most financial ventures, some teams will offer a greater return than others.

PHILADELPHIA FLYERS

Atlantic Division
2008-09 record: 44-27-11, third in the division, fifth in the conference
Cap space: $2.157 million

Tip sheet:
Get used to the above photo, Flyers fans. Simon Gagne is SOOOOO fragile…I remember my only trip to the Spectrum, to watch the Phantoms. Downstairs in the tunnel where the teams set up shop there’s a metal gate between the two rooms. They had to put one there because ejected Flyers would walk over to the other room and finish the beating they started on the ice. Or something like that…Jeff Carter might the streakiest scorer in the league…Daniel Briere is slated to make $29-million over the next four years. Good investment.

Fun fact:
Mike Richards has no problem associating with porn stars.

You should really invest in this club because…
White name bars and that blonde that sings the anthem from time to time.

The bottom will fall out with…
The continued subscription to the Brain Burke blueprint on how to build a team by not addressing the most important position. Ray Emery is not the answer, Philly, and you know it.

Key acquisition:
Chris Pronger. A throwback. A blast from the past for Broad Street fans. Instantly a fan favourite. Even before he sticks someone in the face.

Bottom line:
With the Eagles nest right across the parking lot, the official stance of the 4th Star is the Flyers suck by association. Having said that, I’ll be watching Pronger — specifically how the crowd responds to his *robust* play. Robust too polite? OK, dirty play.

The end of summer is upon us (the autumnal equinox was yesterday).
And this is the end of the innocence.