the 4th star

This past summer has been all about the money. There was the unrestricted free agent *frenzy.* That was around the same time the Phoenix Coyotes financial problems came into the spotlight, when BlackBerry billionaire Jim Balsillie threw his two cents into the fray and the league kept talking out of both sides of its mouth. You know, the place they seem reluctant to put their money in.

Screwed up contracts — both legitimate Chicago fuck-ups and the over-spending variety — became commonplace, and some players decided to gamble on the bigger payday in Russia. Terms like “escrow” and “cap numbers” came to be a part of the conversation, too. Then there was even more change — and even less sense — from Patrick Kane, who allegedly tag-teamed a Buffalo cab driver with his cousin over 20 cents.

It seems talk of climbing out of this recession has put money on the mind and our mind on the money, so in the spirit of cash, let’s take a look at all 21 teams 30 teams as training camps get set to fire up this month. Like most financial ventures, some teams will offer a greater return than others.

LOS ANGELES KINGS

Pacific Division
2008-09 record: 34-37-11, last in the division, fourteenth in the conference
Cap space: $8.585 million

Tip sheet:
Employing the classic ‘two steps forward, one step back’ formula to team building, the KIngs made a trade for Ryan Smyth in the off-season, setting the club’s development back a few years…Dustin Brown is a killer. If he played in Canada he would be on TSN every night…With so many good young guys who look ready to take the next step, the Kings are one of the most intriguing teams to watch this coming season. With that expectation, pencil them in for last place now.

Fun fact:
Smyth pronounces his name as ‘Smith.’ What a loser.

You should really invest in this club because…
Defenceman Drew Doughty. Here’s all you need to know about this kid: “I saved his message so I could hear it over again, but I dropped my phone in the water and now the phone doesn’t work. I can’t hear what he said. Really disappointing.” — Doughty, on the call he got from Steve Yzerman, informing him that he had been selected to attend Team Canada’s orientation camp.

The bottom will fall out with…
Goaltending. Jonathan Quick, Erik Ersberg, or Jonathan Bernier. Not exactly the Triple Crown line of the crease…

Key acquisition:
It’s between Smyth and defenceman Rob Scudari. Smy-thee by a nose.

Bottom line:
Can’t see them making the post season, but they should be fun to watch. Too bad they’re never on.

“This is the worst offence I have ever been associated with.”
— Winnipeg Blue Bombers head coach Mike Kelly, speaking to the radio people following the Pounding at Polo Park. Of course, Kelly is the man responsible for bringing in guys like Damon Allen Michael Bishop, Glen January, Steve Morley, Brock Ralph, that Bowman guy, Y. Bernard and of course, the poster boy for the struggling unit, Stef LeFors. LeFors is actually the luckiest man on the planet these days, with his season over due to a lack of confidence in his non-throwing shoulder. Among other confidence issues he may or may not have.

“Next question.”
— A classic. That’s Kelly again, blowing off the topic of using a fifth receiver. Read that a second time: He didn’t blow off the suggestion of a five receiver set, but the topic as a whole. That’s right, the discussion for an offensive system that every other team in the CFL uses is taboo and apparently, an insult to his genius. Worst offence I have ever been associated with? Guess who’s responsible for it? Maybe instead of installing big clocks around the offices, Kelly should put up a mirror or two. Accountability isn’t in the playbook, either.

“If you Google me, I’ve been successful elsewhere.”
— This is the last of the Kellyisms, as they are no longer colourful. Quite tragic, actually. Once again, living in the past does not answer any of the questions people have this day about your coaching decisions. Surprisingly, no mention of Andy Reid in the post game, congratulating the Philadelphia Eagles coach for their season-opening win in Carolina before the Bombers took the field.

“I’m running out of words in my vocabulary.”
— Mitch Zalnasky, CJOB colour man. Like it or not, the blunt MZ is becoming the lone highlight of this Blue Bombers season. This comment came near the end of the first half. Play-by-play man Bob Irving and Zalnasky were already into ‘garbage time’ and the original Z-Man went to a story of how he had to go back home and check his online thesaurus, as he was out of different phrases to describe the Bombers’ ‘futile’ offense. It was a good line. Even Knuckles had some chuckles.

“We want Reinebold! We want Reinebold!”
— a chant in the stands yesterday afternoon. The “Fire Mike Kelly” chorus was in full effect, too.

“This is not good. We’re headed towards destruction.”
— Gavin Walls, straight shooter. Gotta hand it to Walls after the game. He stood in there and called it exactly how he saw it. Embarrassing? Yes. Worse loss he’s ever been associated with? Yes. Even worse ’cause it was at home? Yes. Players giving up? Some are, but these are the guys he is going to stick with. Visibly upset? Looked like it. Full credit to Walls for hanging in there and taking the questions yesterday, and giving honest answers. The headed towards destruction line is beauty. With the way this team looked yesterday, that pretty much sums it up, right there, doesn’t it?

“I feel bad for our fans.”
— Doug Brown, public relations master. Aww, see Winnipeg fans. He cares about you. Seriously, who doesn’t see through this guy’s contrived act?

“If you’re thinking that way, it’s time to park your car.”
— Irving on the suggestion that the Bombers purposely mis-managed the clock at the end of the first half so that time would run out and they wouldn’t have an opportunity to put at least a field goal on the board. BI went off on Kelly (not by name) over the lack of attention to detail, calling it ‘elementary football’ or something like that. And when Geoff Currier came into the discussion with his theory of Bomber non-confidence, Irving unleashed that beauty of a line. I don’t know what it means, but I like it.

What more can you say? The Bombers are terrible and as the two columnists so aptly put things, players and fans no longer believe in this club. How else can you spin what happened out there? Here’s a couple thoughts that immediately came to mind as I watched the Maroons Massacre on the big screens at the local watering hole:

1. Even if the Bombers scored six touchdowns in the fourth quarter, that still would have not been enough to win the game. Six touchdowns. Not enough to make up the difference.
2. Drew Brees, New Orleans Saints quarterback: Six touchdown passes yesterday. Blue Bombers offence in 10 games this season: Five TD passes. In a passing league.

It will be interesting to see where things go from here. Are we at rock bottom yet? As Ed Tait said in the pre-game show yesterday, it’s getting old writing about the drama off the field and the latest controversy with this team week in and week out. Couldn’t agree more with that. I’m getting bored with it, too (thus the quote generator post today). With eight games left in the season, it might be time for reporters and media members to park their cars at Zalnasky’s. Apparently, he’s got an online thesaurus we can all use.