the 4th star

After ignoring a 25 year layoff, with three of those spent begging to play, I have decided to make a triumphant return to the beautiful game. In a stunning act of charity, the Crescentwood Saturday Soccer Club has done the unthinkable and allowed me to play with them in the Winnipeg Soccer Division this summer. If I can score one goal this year, I’d be pretty happy. Judging from my inconsistent play, my teammates would be equally ecstatic, too. Here’s the weekly update:

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mo·men·tum
n. pl. mo·men·ta (-t) or mo·men·tums
1. A measure of the motion of a body equal to the product of its mass and velocity. Also called linear momentum.
2. a. Impetus of a physical object in motion. b. Impetus of a nonphysical process, such as an idea or a course of events: The soaring rise in interest rates finally appeared to be losing momentum.
3. Philosophy An essential or constituent element; a moment.
4. What the CSSC currently has going on.

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It appears the mighty CSSC is peaking just at the right time. Last night’s 1-0 win over the Red Devils United under the big roof at the University of Manitoba made it four in a row for your community club. With two left on the books, CSSC sits in fourth place, five behind the RDU (who have completed their schedule) and six behind second place Inter-Milan. A firm place in the top of the table is within grasp, my friends.

Last night’s match marked the return of Dr. Ian Hudson to the pitch. A summer made more miserable with injuries, he came in at the half and played his legendary solid game on on the left side, both middle and back. Could his addition be the final piece of the puzzle, say along the lines of the Nashville Predators acquiring soon to be Hall of Famer Peter Forsberg at the trade deadline? You bet. Here’s hoping the returns are a little better, though.

On a personal note, I might be retarded when it comes to soccer. I don’t even know if you can even call what I’m playing out there soccer. I came in at the half and ran the final 45 minutes on the left side, starting up front. After a couple errant passes, I looked down to see I was, in fact, wearing my soccer boots. For awhile there, I thought I had my cross country ski boots on — with the skis attached. That’s how it felt, anyway. Later in the game, a questionable coaching decision was made to move Dr. Hudson to the back and have me slide down to left-mid. PANIC AT THE DISCO! I have barely grasped the basics of the forward spot and now I was being asked to play a new position, one that involves crisp movements and sharp ball skills. I didn’t bring those with me this night. However, after running into Sean Brown and tripping over my own feet while trying to play something that resembles defence in the early stages, I settled down and managed to not hurt myself or anyone around me. More importantly, I didn’t pass the ball right to the Red Devils for the equalizer. Thank God I didn’t fuck that up. As the good doctor said, a little hustle goes a long way.

This past summer has been all about the money. There was the unrestricted free agent *frenzy.* That was around the same time the Phoenix Coyotes financial problems came into the spotlight, when BlackBerry billionaire Jim Balsillie threw his two cents into the fray and the league kept talking out of both sides of its mouth. You know, the place they seem reluctant to put their money in.

Screwed up contracts — both legitimate Chicago fuck-ups and the over-spending variety — became commonplace, and some players decided to gamble on the bigger payday in Russia. Terms like “escrow” and “cap numbers” came to be a part of the conversation, too. Then there was even more change — and even less sense — from Patrick Kane, who allegedly tag-teamed a Buffalo cab driver with his cousin over 20 cents.

It seems talk of climbing out of this recession has put money on the mind and our mind on the money, so in the spirit of cash, let’s take a look at all 21 teams 30 teams as training camps get set to fire up this month. Like most financial ventures, some teams will offer a greater return than others.

COLUMBUS BLUE JACKETS

Central Division
2008-09 record: 41-31-10, fourth in the division, seventh in the conference
Cap space: $12.3 million

Tip sheet:
It took 10 years, but the BeeJays made the playoffs for the first time last spring. Fans can expect to at least wait that long for the second time…Someone named Bruce Gardiner scored the first goal in franchise history…At $4.75 million this coming season, Kristian Huselius is the second highest paid player on the roster (behind Rick Nash). If I was every other player on that club, I would fire my agent…A little off topic, but is this really the Columbus Crew logo?

Fun fact:
According to Wikipedia, another noteworthy symbol of the Blue Jackets is the IGS Energy blimp that flies in the air above the crowds in Nationwide Arena between periods. While factual it’s certainly not that fun.

You should really invest in this club because…
Rick Nash. Soft and doughy, but the guy can score and seems to be taking the same complete player path that Brett Hull did under coach Ken Hitchcock when the two were in Dallas. If Nash misses a couple weeks from the gym, though, look out…

The bottom will fall out with…
Tremendous apathy.

Key acquisition:
Sammy Pahlsson. Yeah, I know. They have over $12-million left to spend. I would be furious if I was a Blue Jackets fan.

Bottom line:
I wonder if Steve Mason will still be the goaltender when Columbus tastes the post season 10 years from now. I wonder if Nash will still be around. I wonder if the franchise will be in Columbus…

Fuck and yeah. It’s a short work week. Attention employers: No one is *really* working this time of year. A big reason for that? The fact the National Football League season is ready to roll tomorrow night, and there’s little need to pretend that you’re getting things done at the office. This is the definition of garbage time. And if prickly bosses are reading this, you know exactly what I’m talking about. How many times have you looked at your NFL picks already this week?

So what better time, what with all this non-production going on, to throw a longtime 4th Star favourite out there and really lead-pipe this recovering economy right behind the left knee? I don’t know when this Esquire photo shoot took place and I don’t really care. For more Christine Hendricks (and we all can agree, more is certainly better), please feel free to procrastinate here, and here, and here. Here, too.

And if you really want to blow the whole week, why not head back here? Why not, indeed.

This past summer has been all about the money. There was the unrestricted free agent *frenzy.* That was around the same time the Phoenix Coyotes financial problems came into the spotlight, when BlackBerry billionaire Jim Balsillie threw his two cents into the fray and the league kept talking out of both sides of its mouth. You know, the place they seem reluctant to put their money in.

Screwed up contracts — both legitimate Chicago fuck-ups and the over-spending variety — became commonplace, and some players decided to gamble on the bigger payday in Russia. Terms like “escrow” and “cap numbers” came to be a part of the conversation, too. Then there was even more change — and even less sense — from Patrick Kane, who allegedly tag-teamed a Buffalo cab driver with his cousin over 20 cents.

It seems talk of climbing out of this recession has put money on the mind and our mind on the money, so in the spirit of cash, let’s take a look at all 21 teams 30 teams as training camps get set to fire up this month. Like most financial ventures, some teams will offer a greater return than others.

COLORADO AVALANCHE

Northwest Division
2008-09 record: 32-45-5, fifth in the division, last in the conference
Cap space: $9.592 million

Tip sheet:
Colorado was the only team that didn’t score 200 goals last season (199)…With Joe Sakic retiring, Ryan Smyth moving on to Southern California and Darcy Tucker still on the roster, things will be brutal in the Mile High City…It’s a joke that Ray Bourque has his jersey retired by this team…Third overall pick Matt Duchene can expect to average about 25 minutes as the team puts him on the fast track to franchise salvation.

Fun fact:
Jari Kurri closed out his NHL career with the Avalanche (1997-98).

You should really invest in this club because…
The stock is low. Colorado low. Seriously, there isn’t one player who is worth sinking any fandom into. Paul Stastny? Sure, a good player but he’s developing a reputation as a bit of a softie. He needs to put in a full campaign.

The bottom will fall out with…
The knowledge that Scott Hannan is their No. 1 defenceman.

Key acquisition:
Defenceman Kyle Quincey, who they got in the Smyth trade. Yes, I am aware calling Quincey a “Key Acqusition” is a Adam Creighton-like reach, but that’s how dire things are at the Pepsi Center.

Bottom line:
A 30-win season would be something.