the 4th star

Looking for work at this hour is David Tyree, who made catching footballs with your helmet on the game’s biggest stage fashionable. On a personal level, his lucky grab not only erased a fucking miserable 2007 and set up the winning score in the Super Bowl, it also kicked off a wonderful 2008. Anyway, he was cut by the New York Giants today. No surprise, really, when you consider he missed all of last year with a knee injury and has just 28 catches in the past three seasons. One minute you’re a hero, the next minute you’re cut. Ouch.

As Tyree explores where his next stop might be — if there even is one for the 29-year-old — I offer this taste of perception: At least you’re not trying to make things like the weather and people getting married at donut shops sound remotely newsworthy. Sigh.

Jerry: So listen, I gotta go down to Atlantic City. I’m performing at Bally’s.
Morty: You just heard about this today?
Jerry: (pulling on a jacket) They had a cancellation and they instantly called me.
Helen: Who cancelled?
Jerry: Carrot Top. I told you, my career’s fine.

This past summer has been all about the money. There was the unrestricted free agent *frenzy.* That was around the same time the Phoenix Coyotes financial problems came into the spotlight, when BlackBerry billionaire Jim Balsillie threw his two cents into the fray and the league kept talking out of both sides of its mouth. You know, the place they seem reluctant to put their money in.

Screwed up contracts — both legitimate Chicago fuck-ups and the over-spending variety — became commonplace, and some players decided to gamble on the bigger payday in Russia. Terms like “escrow” and “cap numbers” came to be a part of the conversation, too. Then there was even more change — and even less sense — from Patrick Kane, who allegedly tag-teamed a Buffalo cab driver with his cousin over 20 cents.

It seems talk of climbing out of this recession has put money on the mind and our mind on the money, so in the spirit of cash, let’s take a look at all 21 teams 30 teams as training camps get set to fire up this month. Like most financial ventures, some teams will offer a greater return than others.

CALGARY FLAMES

Northwest Division
2008-09 record: 46-30-6, second in the division, fifth in the conference
Cap space: $2.405 million

Tip sheet:
Terrible on the road last year (19 wins)…There is no truth to the rumour that Dion Phaneuf and Pierre McGuire have broken up, nor can it be confirmed that McGuire is late night texting Jerome Iginla…I will never get tired of watching that Bure OT winner in ’94…Flames fans are worse than Oilers fans. Not really a tip, as most of you know this already.

Fun fact:
In 2004, when the Flames went to the Stanley Cup final, then-Prime Minister Paul Martin dubbed them “Canada’s team.” The end of his career soon followed.

You should really invest in this club because…
Iginla. Still one of the best players in the world. When he’s on his game, almost unstoppable. Almost. If Nigel Dawes was smart, he’d follow Iginla around like a lost puppy.

The bottom will fall out with…
Two many players making way too much money. Check this out: Phaneuf and Jay Bouwmeester will make a combined $65.4 million over the next four years. Nothing sticks to Teflon Darryl Sutter. Nothing.

Key acquisition:
Bouwmeester. They traded for and signed the biggest (potential) free agent out there. Now they can recapture that same magic Bouwmeester and Jokinen had in Florida. How do I do that ‘eye-roll’ emoticon?

Bottom line:
Playoffs, for sure, but does anyone think they can win once they get there? Being better on the road would be a start.

Winnipeg Blue Bombers head coach Mike Kelly on heading into the hornet’s nest that is the Labour Day Classic tomorrow afternoon:

“I love passion. I like people who get excited about things. I like people who go through life with a little bit of electricity and sparks coming off their heels and that’s what the Rider fans are. They love that football team and I think it’s a great atmosphere to go into and play. That’s what you want.”

This from the same man who cut the call-in portion of the coach’s show because fans were getting a little too ‘passionate’ about their football club. It seems whatever Kelly says or does one week does not translate as gospel in the next. A statement that there will be “no assholes” on the team is followed up by trying to bring Pacman Jones to Canada. Is there any wonder why people think he’s full of shit?

—-

Last thing on the Bombers before the computer goes silent for a few days.

While I understand where he’s coming from, I have to disagree with Bart’s column today. Comparing a football fan to someone who enjoys the Winnipeg Symphony Orchestra or the Royal Winnipeg Ballet is like comparing apples and oranges. As I wrote this week, the community ownership aspect of the Bombers has little to do with dollars and cents, or who ultimately gets a say in the final decision. The ownership structure is more a symbol between the community and the football team, where football fans who have spent most of their lives in this town can feel like the club is truly ‘theirs.’

Why do you think there was such an uproar over the David Asper deal? People legitimately care about this team (ed note: why?). More and more young people are starting to pick up on that same passion their fathers and grandfathers had — cranking up that emotion even more. When Kelly cuts the phone lines on a coach’s show that has 30 years of tradition behind it, he’s essentially telling the average football fan that he doesn’t give a rat’s ass what they think.

I don’t blame fans for claiming they ‘own’ the team or pay Kelly’s salary. I imagine there are a fair number of them who know they have no financial stake in the club — other than buy a ticket to the games. They’re just reacting to the idea, the symbolism, of having something taken away from them.

These are football fans, don’t forget. Rational thought is usually trumped by emotion and an unwavering commitment to the home side. How else do you explain the blind faith some have in Kelly to this point?

Please welcome the Wyatts. Clockwise from the red hair we have Brandi, Tim, Ryder, and Sierra. Just a guess here, but I imagine this family was preordained in high school, probably in Craik or Foam Lake. Back then, Tim thought Brandi was “a sweet girl” and Brandi liked the cut of Tim’s “jib.” Only she would never say it like that, not before marriage, anyway. And yes, you read that correctly. The happy couple named their first born Ryder. You know, like the only reason to not kill yourself because you live in Saskatchewan football team. See what they did there? At Christmas, the families still get quite a chuckle over the word play. It seems ‘Pat’ was a little too obvious — even for them. Now that I’ve typed out a thousand words simply by posting this family portrait, let’s just get to the three questions and call it a weekend:

Winnipeg Blue Bombers (3-5) at Saskatchewan Roughriders (4-4)
Somewhere in Regina
Sunday, 3 pm

1. A football…game?
That’s right. A real-live game — on the field with pads and hitting and running and throwing and kicking and everything. What a nice distraction from all the off-field distraction that will be. Everyone is saying the right things with regards to where their focus is and being able to tune out all the Pacman drama of the past week, but now one can dispute this point: Only today — Friday — did the conversation actually revolve around the Saskatchewan Roughrighders. One has to wonder how many times this circus can go on before it starts to show on the players. Or maybe they’re used to it by now.

2. Who holds the bigger grudge: Damon Allen Michael Bishop or Brendan Taman?
The Riders cut the under-achieving Bishop almost immediately after they bowed out of the post season last fall, so he probably wants to stick it right up their ass on Sunday. Meanwhile, the Blue and Gold treated Taman like crap following the first round defeat in Winnipeg and he had little choice but to walk away from the team, only to resurface in Regina. No doubt both want to win this game. The question is: Who is putting more money on the board before the opening kick-off?

3. Can the Riders, not to mention the Riders faithful, stop Fred Reid?
Once again, the Winnipeg hopes rest on the legs of the talented running back. Reid is coming off a team-record setting performance two weeks ago, and no doubt Saskatchewan has studied the one play the Bombers used against B.C. As Reid goes, the Bombers offence goes. If he doesn’t have it, or the porous Riders defence shows any ability to stop a straight draw play, the Bombers players could be in for a long afternoon of insults and death threats from the crowd. Classy Mike “Crotch of Canada” Kelly should feel right at home.

Odario Williams, Grand Analog. Texting without socks.