the 4th star

The decision to not allow phone calls to a radio call-in show is easy to dismiss. The Winnipeg Blue Bombers brass says it was being counter-productive, as the “personal attacks” and “negativity” that occasionally popped up on the show was a waste of time. Of course, the person making 50 percent of those “personal attacks” and breeding the “negativity” was none other than the coach himself, but that’s neither here nor there.

But forget about the ridiculousness of controlling the message or hiding from people behind a computer. As Bob Irving tried to explain yesterday, the show served a more symbolic role than anything else — allowing the community a direct line to the head coach of the community-owned football team. No matter how you slice it, or what side of the Blue Bombers fence you’re on, that is a vital aspect of the show that is now missing. Connecting the people with the product has always been an important segment of the relationship between the Bombers and the fans. Probably the most important.

Explaining the latest public relations pratfall to the general ticket-buying populous will be a little more difficult.

Before Mike Kelly says it, and you know because it’s a Philadelphia/Andy Reid man-crush thing that he’s going to bring it up, let’s talk about the comparison between Michael Vick and Pacman Jones. Vick has made a few minor mistakes in his young life, but none of them match the high-profile case of his dog fighting ring. He drowned and electrocuted dogs. The guy did time at Leavenworth. In football parlance, the dog fighting incarceration is one strike against him. His time on the Eagles? This is his second chance. If he blows it, he will be done. Correction: He should be done. Teams with a lack of moral compass remain out there (Hello, Raider Nation).

Look at Jones’ rap sheet. It’s a mile long. His exploits at night clubs, strip or clothed facilities, are well documented. Court documented. Accusations remain that he punches women. People accuse him of spitting in women’s faces. Then there’s the Las Vegas strip club incident. You know, the one where Pacman was spotted in the middle of a shooting that left one man paralyzed and two more wounded. This was AFTER Jones showered the strippers with nearly a hundred grand.

Yes, when it rains it pours.

Jones has been released from two NFL clubs due to his conduct off the field. The Tennessee Titans finally had enough when they sent him down the river (as opposed to up the river, which is what some judge with half a brain who had Jones come across his bench should have done) and the Dallas Cowboys — those bastions of conduct — said ’see you later’ when Pacman got into a drunken fight WITH ONE OF HIS OWN BODYGUARDS.

Two opportunities with two football teams. If you add up the fouls during his time in Tennessee, we’re up to like five chances. Winnipeg will make it six. And counting.

Imagine this scenario for a second: You’re sitting with your son (or daughter) at a Bombers game and Pacman avoids a couple would-be tacklers and returns a punt for a touchdown. The crowd goes wild. In the celebration, your wide-eyed kid looks up to you and says “I want to be like Pacman.” Yes Daddy, I want to be near-illiterate football player (see his interview with James Brown) who has a reputation for violence in strip clubs. What do you tell your kid?

I wonder if Lyle Bauer has the answer to that question. Or Mike Kelly. He must. He has the answers to everything. Talent bloodhound John Murphy will probably tell us the answer, as he can’t seem to stop talking (ed note — Hahaha, nice control of the message there, WBB). And before you get on my case and say “this is just a football decision, what’s the big deal?” let me ask you this: Is this what you want from your club? If Jones was headed to Toronto or Montreal or Edmonton, Blue Bombers fans would be all over them for the ridiculous move. How could they sign a guy like that? We’d never do that here.

Especially after Kelly told anyone who would listen at the start of the season how he only wanted ‘character guys’ on his team. As we watch the head coach commit his weekly foot in mouth disease demonstration, we’re reminded that ‘character’ has different meanings to different people.

Kelly has always spoke to returning the pride to Winnipeg Blue Bombers football, restoring the glory of yesteryear. I’m not sure, but bringing in a guy who punches women at strip clubs doesn’t exactly fall along the same character lines as guys like Kenny Ploen, Tom Clements, Jack Jacobs, Bob Cameron, Joe Poplawski, Bud Grant, or Cal Murphy. Of course, those guys understood what the term ‘community’ actually meant.

Winning is one thing. Civic pride is something else.

Things to do when you’re in Winnipeg, Pacman.

5. Boomers
I think it’s still open. Great drink prices and if you get lucky, you won’t have to pay a cover some nights. They have this thing there called the ‘The Monkey Bar’ that runs across sniffer’s row. Head down and see for yourself. Only go here Pacman if you don’t want to be noticed.

4. Solid Gold
Formally the Gentleman’s Club. One time I went there for my friend Buzz’s stag and this stripper was doing Matrix-like moves. I thought I was going to die. Haven’t been there since, but I hear the talent isn’t what it used to be. The downtown location will be perfect for Jones, as he’ll probably be in the Exchange bar district anyway.

3. Club Fantasy
No time to wash up after a practice, Pacman? No problem. There’s a shower right in the middle of the stage at Club Fantasy. Talk about makin’ it rain! An advantage to this is that it’s a real time-saver. Don’t know about you (actually, I do), but I hate wasting valuable nudie girl time with trivial things like bathing. Located at the Balmoral, which works out well as they have rooms that are ideal for the after-party or hiding from the law.

2. Teasers
Teasers is a staple in Winnipeg. Big venue, huge stage, and enough blue collar workers and shady characters to make the experience truly memorable. I have a few friends who are teachers in the area and nothing has made them more proud than to see one of their former students either serving there or shakin’ their thang up there. And don’t forget about Banana Fest. If you can get a ride out there, Pacman, it’s worth it.

1. Sin City
I used to know this hot girl who would always come here. She wasn’t a stripper, she just liked the dancing. Don’t know how that applies to your situation, but you should know that this joint is run by strippers. That’s right: a strip club run by strippers. Easily the best of the bunch in Winnipeg. Plus, you’ll love the location, just a few blocks from Canad Inns Stadium. Why not ask coach if you can have the film session here. It doesn’t hurt to ask, does it?