the 4th star

This past summer has been all about the money. There was the unrestricted free agent *frenzy.* That was around the same time the Phoenix Coyotes financial problems came into the spotlight, when BlackBerry billionaire Jim Balsillie threw his two cents into the fray and the league kept talking out of both sides of its mouth. You know, the place they seem reluctant to put their money in.

Screwed up contracts — both legitimate Chicago fuck-ups and the over-spending variety — became commonplace, and some players decided to gamble on the bigger payday in Russia. Terms like “escrow” and “cap numbers” came to be a part of the conversation, too. Then there was even more change — and even less sense — from Patrick Kane, who allegedly tag-teamed a Buffalo cab driver with his cousin over 20 cents.

It seems talk of climbing out of this recession has put money on the mind and our mind on the money, so in the spirit of cash, let’s take a look at all 21 teams 30 teams as training camps get set to fire up this month. Like most financial ventures, some teams will offer a greater return than others.

WASHINGTON CAPITALS

Southeast Division
2008-09 record: 50-24-8, first in the division, second in the conference
Cap space: $0.583 million

Tip sheet:
Washington was one of five who finished the 2008-09 season with 50 wins…I don’t want to alarm anyone, but Nik Backstrom and Alex Semin are restricted free agents following this season. Could be cap problems in Cap-land…With two young stud goaltenders (Simeon Varlamov and Michal Neuvirth) behind him, Jose Theodore is playing on borrowed time…Alex Ovechkin is prime for a breakout year. This just in.

Fun fact:
Mike Green is the second coming of Al Iafrate.

You should really invest in this club because…
TSN won’t let you watch other highlights until you do.

The bottom will fall out with…
The defence is just not very good. Green needs a huge bounce-back after a miserable post season. Is Tom Poti really second on the depth chart? If I haven’t already, remind me to tell you about my Poti in MSG story later. Speaking of stories, doesn’t MasterClark owe us a Dirk Graham yarn?

Key acquisition:
Mike Knuble. He could approach 40 goals with these guys around him. At least that’s what I told myself when I drafted him last week.

Bottom line:
Ovechkin will have to beat the Penguins before anyone takes him seriously. Except TSN. They think he’s awesome!

After ignoring a 25 year layoff, with three of those spent begging to play, I have decided to make a triumphant return to the beautiful game. In a stunning act of charity, the Crescentwood Saturday Soccer Club has done the unthinkable and allowed me to play with them in the Winnipeg Soccer Division this summer. If I can score one goal this year, I’d be pretty happy. Judging from my inconsistent play, my teammates would be equally ecstatic, too. Here’s the weekly update:

The last game of the season is coming. Sunday afternoon, while my Giants are handing it to the Kansas City Chiefs, I will be on the pitch. The CSSC is through to the championship game against the first-place Elmwood Football Club after a hard fought 2-1 win over the South End Casuals under the tin roof at the University of Manitoba Monday night. Goals for the good guys came from Dr. Ian Hudson and his conjoined twin Colin Kinsella.

Amazingly, I was actually on for the first goal. A nice cross came through the crease (or box, whatever) and in a very optimistic play I tried to head the chance into the net. The ball, of course, was two feet over my head at my highest point, so I don’t really know what I was thinking there. Turns out my *dummy* was just what the doctor ordered, as Hudson snuck in through the back and deposited the open look into the netting.

That was an important lead. It allowed us to play a little more loose against the younger, faster SEC. They carried the play in the second half but when they went down to 10 men following a red card, the game was ours. On a personal note, my ankle does not like having spikes hammered into it and is a little blue. Not the blue of the Giants or Canucks jerseys, and not as dark as say the Bombers or Oilers, but blue. Feels better today, though. I’ll be ready for Sunday (like it matters). Yep, an injury. What a fitting way to close out the campaign.

Now my Saturday history is not up to the level it should be, but this might be the second straight season the Red and Black will face the EFC for bragging rights in the Winnipeg Soccer Division. I may be getting that past mixed with the 2008 President’s Cup, though. If the good doctor is reading this, maybe he can confirm my assertion in the comments for us.

Crescentwood Saturday Soccer Club (8-6-4) vs. Elmwood Football Club (14-1-3)
Sunday, Oct. 4, 2009 @ Vince Leah Community Club
1:15 pm start

OK. Let’s get really serious here for a second. I want you all to take a good look at the above picture. Enjoy the beauty and sweet innocence of this 27-year-old. Her name is Jeon Ji Hyun and other than being from South Korea, I don’t really know what she does. I’m guessing she’s either a model, an actress, or a pop singer. Probably an actress. Whatever her vocation, take a good look at her. Quite striking.

Why am I so adamant that you look at the picture, you ask? When you see the next two posts and the pictures that go along with them, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about. Jeon is illustrating an important function of Hump Day — adding some soft aesthetic to the otherwise hard to look at sports world.

Maybe just take one more look. Trust me. It will be worth it later today…

This past summer has been all about the money. There was the unrestricted free agent *frenzy.* That was around the same time the Phoenix Coyotes financial problems came into the spotlight, when BlackBerry billionaire Jim Balsillie threw his two cents into the fray and the league kept talking out of both sides of its mouth. You know, the place they seem reluctant to put their money in.

Screwed up contracts — both legitimate Chicago fuck-ups and the over-spending variety — became commonplace, and some players decided to gamble on the bigger payday in Russia. Terms like “escrow” and “cap numbers” came to be a part of the conversation, too. Then there was even more change — and even less sense — from Patrick Kane, who allegedly tag-teamed a Buffalo cab driver with his cousin over 20 cents.

It seems talk of climbing out of this recession has put money on the mind and our mind on the money, so in the spirit of cash, let’s take a look at all 21 teams 30 teams as training camps get set to fire up this month. Like most financial ventures, some teams will offer a greater return than others.

VANCOUVER CANUCKS

Northwest Division
2008-09 record: 45-27-10, first in the division, third in the conference
Cap space: $2.790 million

Tip sheet:
Thank God the Sedins signed this summer. The Plan B patchwork job would have depressed me to no end…GM Mike Gillis has done a nice job, but he seems to be interested in just adding complementary pieces rather than a foundation block. I wonder if he’ll be a little gun-shy when it’s time to blow it up…Throw Roberto Luongo in the Team Canada net right now. With last year’s lessons learned, he will be the MVP this season…Now that Jannik Hansen has a broken hand, I guess he’s not coming to Manitoba…Head coach Alain Vigneault drinks red wine…I own 12 Canucks jerseys…Trevor Linden is contemplating a comeback with the New York Islanders. Next season, he’s planning to join the Minnesota Wild — but not until camp is over.

Fun fact:
The poor Vancouver newspaper people never saw Cody Hodgson’s demotion coming. And now the city might fall into the ocean!

You should really invest in this club because…
They are almost a lock to be the late game on Saturday night.

The bottom will fall out with…
An uninspiring defence. Sorry, Kevin Bieksa. You’re not as good as your confidence suggests. I wasn’t happy with his game last season. Second place goes to that Demitra guy. I think I just hurt my shoulder typing that. Four-to-six weeks!

Key acquisition:
Unreasonable expectations from a knee-jerk fan base. And pressure to win. Lots of pressure.

Bottom line:
Everyone’s darkhorse this year. Terrific. What’s that about the city falling into the ocean?

This past summer has been all about the money. There was the unrestricted free agent *frenzy.* That was around the same time the Phoenix Coyotes financial problems came into the spotlight, when BlackBerry billionaire Jim Balsillie threw his two cents into the fray and the league kept talking out of both sides of its mouth. You know, the place they seem reluctant to put their money in.

Screwed up contracts — both legitimate Chicago fuck-ups and the over-spending variety — became commonplace, and some players decided to gamble on the bigger payday in Russia. Terms like “escrow” and “cap numbers” came to be a part of the conversation, too. Then there was even more change — and even less sense — from Patrick Kane, who allegedly tag-teamed a Buffalo cab driver with his cousin over 20 cents.

It seems talk of climbing out of this recession has put money on the mind and our mind on the money, so in the spirit of cash, let’s take a look at all 21 teams 30 teams as training camps get set to fire up this month. Like most financial ventures, some teams will offer a greater return than others.

TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS

Northeast Division
2008-09 record: 34-35-13, last in the division, twelfth in the conference
Cap space: $0.612 million

Tip sheet:
Following the departure of Mats Sundin, Bob Cole was named honourary captain of this historic franchise. He held that post until Don Cherry complained to CBC management. Grapes, who still hasn’t got over the loss of Darcy Tucker, is now the leader of this sinking ship…Brian Burke is realizing that if the TSN people like what you’re doing, you must be doing something wrong…Ron Wilson invented the game of hockey. His sarcasm and constant eye-rolling proves it. Did he and that oh-so-negative Jermaine Franklin kiss and make up yet?

Fun fact:
According to the team, the blue on the jersey represents the Canadian skies and white represents snow.

You should really invest in this club because…
You’ve emptied your portfolio for season tickets. So yeah, you really have invested in this team. Sorry about your wife leaving you…

The bottom will fall out with…
Trying to patch holes with unproven commodities. Tyler Bozak, Christian Hanson, and Jonas Gustavsson will make the Marlies a better team — maybe not right away — but they will.

Key acquisition:
Phil Kessel cost Burke two first rounders and a second rounder. The Bruins should be in good shape for the next 15 years.

Bottom line:
Everyone thought they’d be terrible, but they finished a game above .500 last season. This time around, there’s optimism everywhere. Uh-oh. Ah, who cares…?

To: the 4th star
From: Brian
Subject: your an idiot

hey wazoo this team has turned the corner. michael bishop played like he can and looks to be the real deal now so when are you “media” guys goiing (sic) to stop crapping on Kelly and figure out he’s all he needed was a little more time. our defence is getting better and our offence has a chance now. wit (sic) reid and bishop we have hope. more than that we are going to make the playoffs this year and surprise people. THIS TEAM IS PRIME YOU WILL EAT YOUR WORDS

—–

What’s amazing about this email, and there’s a lot to celebrate there, is that it was one of about a half-dozen I received on Sunday and Monday. One guy wanted me to admit I was wrong about Mike Kelly. Another guy told me to suspend operations on this thing, as I “didn’t know what I was talking about.” Well, no argument there. That’s usually how I preface most posts. And thanks for reading!

Let’s all put down our drinks and read carefully: The Winnipeg Blue Bombers are a 4-8 team. Two of those wins have come over the Toronto Argonauts, who sit in the CFL basement with a 3-9 record. Those two wins could have easily been two losses, as the total margin of victory was just six points. Winnipeg’s quarterback, Damon Allen Michael Bishop, not only capitalizes the first letter of both his given and surname, he also is an unreliable pivot who will do just enough to keep the other team in the game. How is that touchdown to interception ratio, by the way?

Look. I know it’s been a long season, Bomber fans. I get it. I’m a recovering Vancouver Canucks fan — so I know about losing seasons. Any win, doesn’t matter who it is against, is going to provide a sense of euphoria and a bout of baseless, irrational thought and predictable column about a trip to Safeway. But let’s not lose sight of the facts as they appear in the standings and stats packages. The Blue Bombers are a terrible team. Outside of having the game handed to them by Calgary at the start of the season, they have not even competed with a quality rival to this point. Does anyone, and I mean ANYONE, think the Bombers will win the Grey Cup this season? Before you say ‘This is the CFL, anything can happen’ — don’t. Just don’t. Giving the CFL as much credibility as the lottery is an insult to lotteries everywhere.

Sigh.

Is anyone listening out there? Hello? Anyone…

This past summer has been all about the money. There was the unrestricted free agent *frenzy.* That was around the same time the Phoenix Coyotes financial problems came into the spotlight, when BlackBerry billionaire Jim Balsillie threw his two cents into the fray and the league kept talking out of both sides of its mouth. You know, the place they seem reluctant to put their money in.

Screwed up contracts — both legitimate Chicago fuck-ups and the over-spending variety — became commonplace, and some players decided to gamble on the bigger payday in Russia. Terms like “escrow” and “cap numbers” came to be a part of the conversation, too. Then there was even more change — and even less sense — from Patrick Kane, who allegedly tag-teamed a Buffalo cab driver with his cousin over 20 cents.

It seems talk of climbing out of this recession has put money on the mind and our mind on the money, so in the spirit of cash, let’s take a look at all 21 teams 30 teams as training camps get set to fire up this month. Like most financial ventures, some teams will offer a greater return than others.

TAMPA BAY LIGHTNING

Southeast Division
2008-09 record: 24-40-18, last in the division, fourteenth in the conference
Cap space: $8.158 million

Tip sheet:
I  hate to say it, but I don’t actually mind the make-up of this team. Their defence is competent and the first two lines up front have talent up the wazoo. That’s right I just said that…Does Martin St. Louis still use that giant stick?…Sticking with St. Louis, I find it incredible that the St. Louis Blues haven’t made a deal for this guy…According to reports from the exhibition game in Winnipeg, Ryan Malone was the best player on the ice. Not surprising, considering he took last year off.

Fun fact:
This may come as a shock, but the Tampa Bay Lightning Energy Team is electrifying.

You should really invest in this club because…
Victor Hedman. He’ll suck this year, sure, but this guy is going to be a stud in seasons to come. Full marks to the Lightning for bringing in Mattias Ohlund to show this kid the ropes. Ohlund never reached the stud status he was projected to hit, but he is a time-eater back there.

The bottom will fall out with…
Mike Smith and Antero Niittymaki are the goaltending duo. Moving on…

Key acquisition:
It’s Ohlund, but let’s not overlook the Alex Tanguay addition. He might be taking a page from the Book of Lecavalier — no pressure in a non-hockey market.

Bottom line:
Ownership posturing has killed this team. Gary Bettman’s next fire to put out.

“These last few days have been difficult. How could I possibly top what I’ve accomplished here in the last two weeks? I’d like to thank the Calgary Flames and the NHL for using my feel-good story to sell pre-season tickets and allowing me to create a public profile again. The future speaking engagements should help me quell my money problems. Today after much debate with my family and friends, I am officially retiring from hockey. Now I get to embark on a new chapter of my life, one where I will travel across North America shilling for my new tell-all book Playing With Fire, which is coming out next month. Hockey would have got in the way of that. As I left the Saddledome on Friday, I knew this part of my life had finally come to an end. I did everything in my power to create some buzz for the book and hopefully the interest in the (air quotes) comeback attempt (close air quotes) will sell a few more books and get me a few more appearances on Off The Record. To my fans, what can I say? Thanks so much for all your support, especially in the last two weeks. You should know that this (air quotes) comeback attempt (close air quotes) was all a ruse and I hope all of you will remember me when looking for a book for a Christmas gift. Please don’t be angry…I get to retire as a Calgary Flame — even though I was just here on a tryout basis and no contract was signed. For the last two weeks, I pulled on your heart strings. I made those of you who were doubters in the beginning, believers. Except for Brent Sutter, who almost let the cat out of the bag by saying that I was too slow last week. You fans, you believers, can read more about my positive, uplifting message in my new tell-all book Playing With Fire, which is due out in a couple weeks. Thank you.”

I meant to get to this on Sunday, but frankly I find it difficult to take personal time away from the NFL on the weekends. Trust me, I would be writing A LOT about the Giants if I thought any of you out there actually cared. Frankly, I know as much as you — which is nothing. Anyway, the above video is the shoot-out from Saturday’s Vancouver-Calgary exhibition game. The Canucks eventually won 2-1 on a nice goal by Mason Raymond (ed note— ugh), but the reason for the mention goes to Alex Edler.

The very, very quiet Swedish defenceman put in an early bid for the ‘stand-up guy of the year’ award when he answered Olli Jokinen’s bonehead attempt to send a message to the Canucks by blasting a slapshot into Roberto Luongo from point blank range with his SO chance. It was a total bush league move and I’m surprised Luongo didn’t race after the Finnish Flush after he made the save. Edler was the Canucks next shooter. As I said to my table, “I hope he (expletive) blasts it right at Kipper’s head.” Or maybe I just thought that. Either way, that’s exactly what Edler did.

The tit-for-tat action starts at the 3:00 mark.

A show of hands. Who out there thinks Damon Allen Michael Bishop will lead the Winnipeg Blue Bombers to a Grey Cup this season? Is that a hand? Oh, sorry. You say you were just stretching…what about you? Let’s go, people! Time’s a wastin.’

Bishop is 33-years-old. Kelly has basically said that the only reason he’s here is that he gives the team the best chance of winning right now. This is the same quarterback who has been dumped by two CFL clubs and a player who is just as likely to throw for three picks as he is for three touchdowns. The Bombers have told fans that this season will be more about developing a young quarterback to help stabilize the future of the football product. Winnipeg was going to have its own Ricky Ray or Anthony Calvillo. Heck, the big boss with the big goatee told the masses that as recently as Friday.

Sept. 25, 2009
A message from Lyle Bauer
We also find ourselves in the position of trying to do something which has not been done by the Winnipeg Blue Bombers since the days of Dieter (Ralph) Brock. Develop and groom a young Quarterback who will be a star in the future. As you have seen this has been a strategy from the onset of the 2009 Season and continues to be with the addition of the young QBs we have recently brought in as well as those who our on our confidential neglist. This initiative in itself will have bumps along the way however we do believe in the long term it is the best to support the ultimate objective.

Emphasis mine.

Over the last few weeks, Winnipeg has brought in Casey Bramlet, Ricky Santos and some guy named Adam DiMichele. All young guys, all providing hope to the Blue fan who is tired of hearing about a new hope from some other club’s practice roster. Also in that time, we’ve heard head coach Mike Kelly throw Bishop under the bus — “The play from our quarterbacks needs to be better.” A week later, he says Bishop has been “outstanding.”

Bishop had a good game in Saturday’s 29-24 win over Toronto. The Argonauts are now officially the worst team in the league with a 3-9 record. At 4-8, the Bombers are only marginally better than that and it should be pointed out that TWO of the Winnipeg wins this year have come at the expense of that big smoking, sinking ship.

It’s been written before and I’m sure it will be written again, but the more Bishop plays this season, the less of an opportunity the Bombers coaching staff will have to see what one of their ‘quarterbacks of the future’ can do and the longer Winnipeg football fans will have to wait until they have some stability in that position. This year is a write-off. It is completely a throw-away season. Kelly is going nowhere (literally and figuratively) and the team will not have a better opportunity to look at their young stable in real game action to see if there is something to work with. But one good game after three dreadful performances by the team and by Bishop, everyone around the Bombers is now talking about the playoffs.

1. Bishop has a terrible month of September.
2. Kelly throws him under the bus.
3. The team brings in a bunch of young arms.
4. Bishop and Kelly have a fight.
5. Rumour has it TSN captured the fracas on camera, but decided to be a good media partner and not show it.
6. Kelly says Bishop has been “outstanding” since he’s been in Winnipeg.
7. Bauer asks fans to remember the “ultimate objective.”
8. Bishop has a good game against the worst team in the league.
9. Everyone is excited about the Winnipeg offence.
10. Young arms will now have to wait.

The old adage ‘Wait until next year’ is a scary proposition for Bomber fans. Let’s look ahead to the 2010 season, shall we? Let’s say Bishop finishes the ’09 schedule strong and the Bombers either come close or manage to slip into the playoffs in a couple months. In the off-season, Winnipeg cuts the short-term answer free and Kelly states that the quarterback job is up for grabs or hands the keys over to a young guy who hasn’t proven anything. Just like he did this year. Great. So fans will have to endure another season of quarterback questions and watch Kelly scramble to make changes on the fly? When you’re not moving forward, you’re moving backwards.

The “ultimate objective” is now on the back-burner. So, is everyone excited at the prospects of going through this quarterback merry-go-round next season? Oh, no arms raised? Yep, that’s right. Get ready to do this again, Bomber fans, as this year’s suffering is turning out to be all for not. Nice to see big picture thinking is alive and well at the Polo Park stadium. What a waste of time.