the 4th star

Finally had a chance to listen to the Mike Kelly radio show this morning and once again, the coach of the Winnipeg Blue Bombers delivered the comedy goods. The Greatest Show on Mirth. That’s what the Monday coach’s show should be called, what with the intentional and unintentional ridiculous Kelly provides listeners each and every week. Should be pointed out (again) that most of those same listeners are actually paying customers — those who shell out their (minimum) $50 a game that he’s insulting — but why continue to beat that dead horse?

If the organization doesn’t want to admit that they’ve made a mistake, that’s their prerogative. On behalf of displaced and current sportswriters everywhere, here’s hoping they keep Kelly around for a long time.

- He makes us laugh.

- His team makes us laugh.

- Insulting the people who support the Bombers with their wallets. Also quite funny, as in “gee, that’s a funny way to do business.”

- And the people who make excuses for (or defend) Kelly? Hilarious.

Kelly’s latest Komedy Klassic? Taking a trip down memory lane, something the increasingly Krusty coach loves to do when he gets to choose the path. Oh, what a journey it is, telling the listeners about all the great football coaches he honed his craft under — like the transparent name dropping will somehow explain or remedy the pathetic Bomber offence.

Andy Reid. Joe Gibbs. Steve Spurrier. Galen Hall. Cal Murphy. Worked with them all. Kelly can’t seem to go on one radio show or do one interview without mentioning Reid and Gibbs — handing out his resume to the listeners who doubt he has what it takes to be a head coach in the CFL.

I studied under a lot of people. If you think you know about schemes, please tell me exactly what I need to do and tell me what Montreal did against us and how we should have responded against them.

Memory lane. A great scheme if there ever was one. Twenty-nine team records on offence when Matt Dunigan was quarterback. Ah, the memories. Good times, and more importantly, a great way to deflect what is happening with the Blue Bombers this season.

The caller in question last night, a chap by the name of Jim, looks for a similar stroll. Wanting to not only bask in the warmth that this blast from the past is providing but looking to make a point how Kelly might not be the right man for the Blue Bombers head coaching job, wants to extend the trip further. Valdosta State comes up, the Division II college that Kelly was head coach at following his first go at it with Winnipeg. Kelly had an sub-.500 record in two-plus seasons there, getting his pink slip midway through the third season.

Seems to be some construction on that highway, as Kelly looks for a detour.

Caller: My problem is…if you look at your record from Valdosta State…

Mike Kelly: Oh here we go! How can you possibly compare 17, 18, and 19-year-olds against 30-year old men? It’s apples and oranges, alright. I promise you, Valdosta would come up here and play very, very well and probably beat the University of Manitoba…OK? Comparing the two isn’t the same thing.

Bob Irving: Jim, I think we’re going to leave it there. This is just going around in circles.

Ed note — Just like the Bombers. Or the vultures overhead. Bahahaha.

A few observations:

1. He never had a chance to finish his point, but it’s easy to assume that the caller wanted to talk about Kelly’s lack of head coaching success in the past. Those memories are off-limits, apparently.

2. Pretty sure the caller isn’t comparing professionals to student athletes. In fact, Kelly makes this assumption with some confusing deflection method that seems to not only discourage the caller from making his point, but it also takes Irving off the scent.

3. The hypothetical of Valdosta playing the Bisons and beating them? Where is that shot coming from? What does that have to do with anything? That’s the last thing Brian Dobie and the Bisons need — having Kelly drag them into the quagmire that is the Winnipeg Blue Bombers.

4. Callers can look forward to three responses from Kelly: a) standard lines about working hard and sticking with the system; b) name-dropping and telling people how smart he is by latching on to coaches who have actually had some head coaching success; and c) sarcasm.