the 4th star

…And all shootin’ some b-ball outside of the school,
When a couple of guys, who were up to no good
Started making trouble in my neighborhood…

While blasting the football team continues to be a popular theme this evening, I find it pretty funny that in the span of two months or so, the city of Philadelphia has landed Vick to do *whatever he will do* for the Eagles and defenceman Chris Pronger to toil on the Flyers blue-line.

Two men. Two talented athletes, both with questionable backgrounds of varying degrees.

Both really easy to hate. Like easy like Sunday morning-easy.

Vick hung dogs from trees and electrocuted them. He drowned dogs. He’s bad ass. Christ, the guy put in his time at Leavenworth. He probably spent most of his time in there scrambling. The first post-workout shower with teammates should be pretty tense. He is a lightning rod, with just as many people wanting him to fail as there are those who hope he succeeds.

Before Vick came Pronger. Bet you didn’t know this: Pronger hates the fact composite sticks break so easy when he cross-checks someone. He’s been suspended so many times his feet no longer touch the ground. If it wasn’t for his skill in moving the puck, Pronger would be toiling in that Quebec league that has all the goons in it.

Imagine being a sports fan in Philly these days. The Phillies are World Series champions, so that has everyone gunning for you already, and now these two additions. Forget about booing Santa Claus or throwing snowballs at an injured Michael Irvin (or vice versa) — signing Vick and trading for Pronger removes any hint of Brotherly Love that town had left. It must be be a wonderful feeling knowing everyone hates you each time one of your teams takes to the field, ice, or court. Strangely, it’s this fact that makes me kind of wish I was a Philadelphia native. That kind of emotional response deserves mention.

Or maybe some gravity-induced batteries from the 300 level.

Now if the Sixers can somehow land Ron Artest…

The problem with trying to put a nice shade of rouge on a pig is that just when you manage to get a good grip on things and position the animal so a proper application of lipstick can take place, the close proximity will ultimately reveal that the object of your affection doesn’t smell so great. No matter how much make-up you put on the hog. Or something like that. Anyway, there’s a game approaching. Winnipeg Blue Bombers (2-4) vs. Montreal Alouettes (5-1), Saturday, 7 p.m.

Hello, 2009 season of moral victories. Let’s just keep it close. On to the questions.

1. What will the weather be like?
Holy fucking shit! Who cares about the weather? When did life or personal happiness revolve around the sun or the lack thereof? People have turned into morons, talking about the weather all the effing time like the guy next to them just grew a third arm.

HOLY MACKEREL! Did you see that storm last night?

No. I was sleeping. It was four in the morning.

WHAT? How could you sleep?

I get into bed and close my eyes.

You missed quite a light show. What a doozy.

I’ve seen lightning before.

The point of this rant? Well, it doesn’t matter if it rains all game. It won’t help the Bombers against the Montreal offence. This is just a crazy guess, but I imagine Tony Calvillo has played in the rain before.

2. How will the crowd respond to the newest saviour, Arch Bishop Michael Bishop?
Saturday will be the first time No. 16 lines up behind centre on the Canad Inns Stadium field turf, and one has to wonder just how much rope the Bomber faithful will give the stop-gap measure. Did you hear Damon Allen Bishop has a cannon for an arm? Can’t wait to see that play in the offence.

As he has been in the first two games, I expect Bishop to be given the rounded scissors to try to carve up the Montreal defence. Run on first down. Run on second down. Handing the ball off shouldn’t draw too many boos from the crowd (or groans from the players), but if the team gets into a situation where the quicksand offence looks LeFors-like, then the grace period for Bishop will probably end just as quickly as a two and out.

3. Will another moral victory be enough?
Talk of Montreal being a measuring stick during Winnipeg coach Mike Kelly’s press conference today. And so it goes. Bonus question: If the Bombers somehow beat the Als, are they now Grey Cup contenders? The measuring stick message would suggest they would be, no? Wow. Just imagine how this group would handle the pressure if they were EXPECTED to win win each week.

If the script goes as planned and the Blue Bombers fall to 2-5, I can’t wait to hear Mitch Zalnasky stare down Kelly again in the post-game show. Smashmouth football!

(photo credit)

Here is the last of the reminders for this. Hopefully the weather keeps up its end of the bargain. If it doesn’t, and it rains all effing day, then the event will shoot for a Sunday fun-day. I think. If I don’t have that right, can someone please tell myself and the masses in the comment section? Ride on.

Is it too early to be thinking about the National Football League? No way, Jose. The season is ready for take-off, and my tray table is in its secure and upright position. So, in the spirit of looking ahead to things that really don’t matter in a big picture sense, let’s take some time this week, away from the patio and laughing at those with green Bud Lights on their table, to consider each of the NFL divisions — what happened last year and what will (probably) shake down once the snaps are for real and the volume of the television analysis increases:

NFC NORTH

2008 regular season standings:

Minnesota Vikings (10-6)
Chicago Bears (9-7)
Green Bay Packers (6-10)
Detroit Lions (0-16)

The Vikings won the division without a starting quarterback. The Lions fielded a team without any players.

Outlook for 2009:

Chicago Bears (10-6)
Minnesota Vikings (8-8)
Green Bay Packers (8-8)
Detroit Lions (0-16)

I was on a mountain so I missed the formal announcement but God, I hope Brett Favre changes his mind and comes back to play with the Vikings. Me thinks Brad Childress places a call to the aging QB after the third exhibition contest. Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please. That would make my season, seeing Minnesota fans go crazy with every interception and ill-timed decision the ol’ gunslinger makes. I doubt we would see Minnie fans, though. Any Vikings fan worth his salt would be in hiding (from embarrassment) before the season even starts. Ah, doesn’t really matter, does it? Hate to say it, but Chicago could be really good this season — provided their new QB doesn’t melt down after the first sign of trouble. For now, they look like the team to beat. The Bears ride Jay Cutler, the Vikes and the Packers split their games, wail on the Lions and both finish somewhere around the .500 mark.

I decided to go straight to the Philadelphia newspapers this morning for first reaction to the Michael Vick signing, to see not only what they’re saying about it but to see what they’re not saying about it.

This guy loves it. And he’s in love with husky men, too.

Reid may have a few faults as a coach, but he is one of the best play-designers in the NFL. Give him 5 minutes, a pen and a cocktail napkin and he’ll give you a play defenses can’t stop. He is all about creating mismatches.

Oh, you mean what every coach in every sport tries to do? Unstoppable. No wonder he’s won all those Super Bowls. Wow. But the love doesn’t stop there. This guy is also looking for a seat in the owner’s box.

“But I’m not going to kill the Eagles for signing him…”

This reporter asked people at the game what they thought of the news. Amazingly, she couldn’t find one person who had a problem with it.

For some, the criticism against Vicks (sic) has gone a little too far. “Other people get another chance,” said Paul Kelley, of Center City. “When [Phillies piyther] (sic) Brett Myers beat his wife, everyone stopped talking about him a week later.”

Terrific. That glowing recommendation despite the ultra-scientific reader poll which has the naysayers out in front as of this morning or the segment of fans who are dumping their Eagles season tix on Craig’s List:

“The last thing my son & I want to see is Michael Vick in an Eagles jersey. We made up our mind to sell the tickets. Lower Level, 2 seats, side by side, 24 rows off the field. Great seats. $3000 cash gets the tickets. Any info feel free to ask, serious buyers only, I want the deal done fast.”

Phil Sheridan is all for second chances, but doesn’t think Vick is worth the trouble.

Reid emphasized the importance of second chances, taking the rare step of mentioning his two sons’ issues with drug addiction and the legal system. That tells you he has given this a lot of thought and is doing it for what he believes are strong reasons. But he is asking the millions of people who follow the Eagles, who spend their money on tickets and sweatshirts and invest their hearts as well, to share his faith in Vick. And that’s asking too much.

As you might expect, the Philly animal protection community is less than impressed. Said Tom Hickey of Drexel Hill, a member of the governor’s Dog Law Advisory Board:

“For the Philadelphia Eagles, knowing the heinous crimes committed by this man, to sign him is unconscionable.”

All of this on top of conflicting stories that quarterback Donovan McNabb is happy with the deal and that Vick was signed to just be a ‘Wildcat’ player. It will shake down and come out as the pre-season and first few weeks of the season play out but the initial splash of the signing (two years, team option for the second) has everyone wet.

Vick and the Eagles are holding a press conference as I type this. If something interesting comes out of that, I’ll pass it along here. I expect everyone to say the right things. What else can they do — give actual opinions?

UPDATE: Vick will wear No. 7. And he’s done a terrible thing.

Being a New York Giants fan, I’m pretty pleased with all of this. Couldn’t happen to a better team. Having the Eagles make such a desperate move like this means they have some worry going into the season. That’s what I’m telling myself, anyway. I firmly agree with what Sheridan says, Vick is not worth the risk. The Eagles are a good team and should contend in the ultra-competitive NFC East. A move like this has the potential to not only push them over the top but it could also bring the team down to the ground. They tried this ‘over the top’ move with Terrell Owens and that flamed out quick, if you remember. Granted, Vick is not of the same personality as T.O. (or so everyone says), but his presence turns up the heat on all the Eagles players now. Countless media will be watching every move this club makes now. And I love it.

Thought to be a day late, turns out it wasn’t even needed. What am I talking about, you ask? Good question. How about this? Those Fountains of Wayne continue to remain underrated, which is exactly how they want you to think of them. So carry on then.