the 4th star

Rather than rehash what everyone already knows about the Winnipeg Blue Bombers loss, I’ve decided to take a different…um, take. Do you really need to hear how Stefan LeFors scrambles best when running for his life to avoid a major hit in yards lost? Of course not. I’ll have a whole season to paint an ‘everything is OK, just keep working hard’ picture and to be honest — that boring. Picking out positives in a loss is something I don’t miss.

Below is an analysis from the legendary Adult Male Champion, the man who has transformed himself into the legendary Don Marcotte and isn’t afraid to tell you about it. The above specimen pushes up 300 lbs. when pushed and has the modest goal of drinking 50 John Labbatt 50 Ales on his 50th birthday. He also subscribes to the idea that you are only as young as your hair — facial or otherwise. Yes, not many 42-year-olds with a penchant for push-ups would be caught dead sitting in the student section at Canad Inns Stadium, but you can’t really predict these things, can you?

Let’s see what the (unedited) AMC has to say about the game last night. Who knows, maybe I can get a different member of the Milner Ridge Sporadicator Hockey Club to provide a game report after each disappointing Bomber effort?

As always, like when handling hazardous goods, read at your own risk:

I believe if we back peddle to the stellar years of not too long ago we had a starter named Tee Martin at QB who didn’t total over 100 yards of of offense until around the sixth game of the year. We are once again at square one with the O-line which in the last 9 years has been solid for maybe the equivalent of two seasons. With strong hogs even the very second rate Kevin Glenn could bluff his way as a starter. Throw in a couple of star receivers (like 6 maybe) and a giant fullback and K Jones looked like the Wizard of Oz. Jones and Glenn looked like they were dragging pianos around and were absolutely painful to watch in a scramble. Glenn’s arm was weak and he didn’t have the excuse of throwing with his left hand so in my estimation we have some upside here.

I don’t like Kelly anymore than anyone and in the words Dr. Sanchez, I don’t know anything about anything …but…it takes a while to get the smell of douche bag out of the locker room. If it takes a couple of coaches and some winless seasons I am happy to make this sacrifice to watch a team devoid of the former kicker whose name I shall not mention but smeared the smell of bad bin all over this team.

The douche is gone and Joe Lobendahn is a killer. I was stricken with grief when I realized Kai the Creeper Ellis was wearing the wrong sweater but  honestly, how are you supposed to beat a team that has a guy named Kabong on the line. Jeff Jarrett, the Honkey Tonk Man and of course the legendary El Kabong are solid proof that you can’t lose with Kabong.