the 4th star

(mutters to self)

Damn. It’s the machine…

(beep)

Hey Gary. Mark Chipman here. I know it’s late. Oh wait, it’s not late for you. You’re in Arizona right now. Extra hour or two of sleep. Is it one hour over or two? Either way, the bonus sleep is probably a good thing these days, eh?

(chuckle)

Listen. You think you could do me a favour? I know you’re really tied up with all this Phoenix Coyotes ownership stuff and that the big day in bankruptcy court is today, but my Manitoba Moose are on the verge of winning the Calder Cup this year and I would appreciate it if you could stop mentioning Winnipeg every chance you get? It’s getting annoying, and people in this town aren’t stupid. They know when you’re just blowing smoke.

But this game-playing isn’t why I’m calling. No, there are a couple things are on my mind.

See, I want to win something with this Moose club. Things are going pretty good right now. But when you keep bringing up this town maybe being a slight possibility or a possible option when hell does in fact freeze over and pigs fly overhead for an NHL location, it takes away from what my team is doing on the ice. Instead of sports fans talking about the Moose, they’re now beating the dead horse regarding the Jets coming back.

The disrespect to the Moose is disappointing, but what’s equally as bothersome is that every time you mention this city, the pressure for me to come up with the dough to purchase a club — like the Coyotes — increases. It doesn’t take one of your accountants to understand that I have a nice little operation here with the building and the Moose. So why rain on my good times these days, Gary? Do you know how annoying it is to answer the same questions about the NHL coming back, over and over again?

It’s not fun.

Especially when nothing new is really breaking on your end. You haven’t said anything yet and as we both know there are a million, or make that two million, things that need to fall into place to make it happen.

Unless you want to give me a franchise for free…?

Just joking. Kinda.

Later.

(click)

Oh shoot, I missed a call. 204 area code? That’s weird.

I don’t know anyone from Manitoba…

The West was done this way, so now it’s time to look at the National Hockey League’s Eastern Conference final, featuring the always entertaining Pittsburgh Penguins and the upstart Carolina Hurricanes. A few thoughts, a prediction, and then a schedule for your non-Western Conference viewing pleasure.

1. Cam Ward has no chance of starting for Canada in 2010. Listen, Ward has had a nice post season run here and yes, he’s given JS Giguere a run for his money in the worst goaltender to ever win a cup debate, but there is NO CHANCE of him starting (or even being the top two guys) for the Olympic team. Not with Brodeur and Luongo in the Canadian arsenal. Never going to happen. Now that I’ve said that, look for the TSN hype factory to keep asking the Canadian goaltending question for the next three or four (or 200) days.

2. Sidney Crosby. We have never seen No. 87 play this well, and one wonders just how many more gears Crosby might have now that he’s elevated his game for this playoff run. I have never been a fan — I think he’s a bit of a softie when push comes to shove — but he’s winning me over right now. Carolina has no player that can match up with Sid in this series. He could put up some serious numbers in Round 3.

3. Edmonton Oilers fans must be shaking their heads. I mean, as if Joni Pitkanen is playing at a Lidstrom-like level this post season? Since coming over from Northern Alberta in the off-season, the Finnish Flash in the Pan has been quite impressive for the Hurricanes, joining the rush at every chance and making things happen. I think I even saw him throw a body check in the Boston series (though it might have been the Bruin initiating the contact).

4. The prediction. Can you really take the Penguins when they have Marc Andre Fleury between the pipes? Can you really take Carolina when they have one legitimate threat for offence (Eric Staal)? Can there really be a Stanley Cup final between the same two teams that battled for the glory a year ago? Yes, there can. Pittsburgh in four games. Let the Marian Hossa storylines begin.

5. The schedule. Eastern time zone rules.

Some thoughts as the National Hockey League’s Western Conference final between the Detroit Red Wings and Chicago Blackhawks gets underway today at Joe Louis Arena.

1. Not the Old Norris Division. Everyone is expecting a high-flyin’ battle between the transitionally-dominant Wings of Red and the up-tempo Hawks of Black. With players with name bars that read Datsyuk, Zetterberg, Franzen, Hudler, Hossa, Lidstrom, Rafalski, Toews, Kane, Sharp, Havlat, Versteeg, Seabrook, and Campbell the potential for an all-out offensive is there, but I’d look for a tighter series — especially from the Red Wings. Remember, Detroit has been here before, and while they’ve struggled at times with physical teams, they still know how to win games in May.

2. Wither Osgood? I keep going to it every time I talk Detroit hockey, but the helmeted goaltender is the biggest key for the Red Wings. Again. The Hockeytown defence seemed to have some problems with the physical play of the Ducks in tight, so look for Chicago to continue crashing the net at every turn in hopes of rattling his cage. It worked against the Canucks, so why would they get away from that?

3. One Hundred and Twenty Minutes of Audio Pain. Here’s a common refrain that will fill the viewer’s ears if the Chicago hopefuls get up in games as the series moves on. “Boy, these young Hawks just don’t know any better.” Hey Darren Pang, why don’t you come up with a different angle already? We’re halfway through the post season! Look for a lot of his annoyance in between Pierre McGuire telling Windy City hockey fans to get pumped up about their club. “Get excited about your team, Chicago!” Uh, Pete. They already are. Like all season long. Where have you been? As you’ll see at the end of the post, Canadian hockey fans will have two games of this crapolla.

4. The Prediction. I like the way Chicago looked against the Canucks. I don’t like the way the Red Wings looked against Anaheim. The difference in this series will be defence, and when a team has a Hall of Fame guy like Willie Mitchell Nicklas Lidstrom patrolling the blue-line, that could be the difference. Detroit in six, but I want to type five.

5. The schedule. All times eastern (which is weird considering it’s the Western Conference)

When we last checked in to the SHDE, I was feeling pretty good about my chances. Then Evgeni Malkin decided to hand the keys to the Pittsburgh Penguins Stanley Cup chances over to Sid the Kid. And then Brain Rafalski decided to get hurt when the Red Wings had a week off. And then Marian Hossa and Henrik Sedin went missing. All in all, a bad second round for the 4th Star, as I now sit in second place.

Down but not out, though. A gentleman by the name of Carey Chapko leads the pool with 87 points, but after Washington and Anaheim drop Game Sevens he has no players left. I’m next with 68 points, holding four players (Malkin, Rafalski, Hossa, and Eric Staal) for the final two rounds. MasterClark rounds out the Top 3 with 58 points. He’s still sitting in the weeds with four players, too, but two of them are of Detroit quality and two of them are of Chicago roots.

So, 19 points back with two rounds to go. The way I see it, I need Staal to score 12 goals in the four-game sweep by the Penguins to make this thing sing.

Well, I tried to go the rest of the week without writing on the Vancouver Canucks, but seeing how I fell on my sword once already during this proclamation, I guess I might as well just pull the blade out and skewer a deserving target. And the Man Sandwich is a perfect time to do it.

Michael Buble, you can go to hell.

You know what I hate about being a Canucks fan? Other Canucks fans.

They are the worst. They jump on and off the bandwagon so fast at times, you wonder if the bandwagon actually has a chance to get going with all the stops it has to make. They’re all over the players when they lose and then wonder why they want to leave when it’s time for the contract to be re-upped. They cheer for a player one week, call him the best thing since Yaletown, and as soon as things go sour they want him shipped out the sea the next.

WATCH THE GAMES!

Listening to other Canucks fans talk about the team is like watching Greg Millen on CBC. Not only can he not accurately describe the play when the action is live, he can’t tell the viewers what’s actually happening on the replay either. And it’s in slow motion, right in front of him. That’s how I feel when I read things like Buble’s comments. To much of what you want to believe, not enough reality.

(deep breath)

Q: You once said your real goal was to own the Canucks. Is that still the case?

A: Well, my real goal is to play on the Vancouver Canucks, but there is not a big chance that a 33-year-old kid is going to be drafted now. I would love to own them. I have talked to Francesco [Aquilini] and I really like him. He is a really good guy. I would love to [be an owner] if one day, he would consider having me as part of it.

Sweet Jesus no.

While most of my venom comes from the fact this no-nothing hack actually has a forum to tell the world that the Canucks should consider trading the Sedins (um, Mike, they’re UFAs this summer — gonna be tough to unload them, dontcha think?) AND then gushes about the twins later down the page, it’s this pompous-all-access-because-I’m-a-celebrity and I’m-going-to-tell-you-all-about-it garbage that makes my blood boil over. Yeah, I’m sure Bob Gainey has nothing better to do.

I am lucky enough to have travelled all over the country, America and North America. I have talked to general managers and I have talked to the players and I’ll tell you what, they’d love to have the Sedins on their team … I was talking to Luc Robitaille in Los Angeles. He just said to me they’re magic. They are not the most physical guys, but you can hardly take them off the puck. They are always good for a goal and they are just getting better.

You look stupid in that picture, Bubbles.

Long weekends. Remember when they used to matter? High school always seemed to bring out the best in that extra day off, leading events to unfold with a trip to a friend’s cabin or an ill-prepared camping trip that involved sleeping in cars. “Don’t worry about it, we’ll be fine.” Meanwhile, my back is still screwed up from sleeping in that Civic hatchback. Just fold the back seats down and stretch out back there, like I was a bag of hockey equipment or something. Those massive nights were few and far between, thankfully, as I knew a guy who had a cabin at West Hawk Lake and he loved the long weekend more than I did.

A bunch of us were up there for one of those extended breaks, maybe it was the May long, or maybe it wasn’t, but regardless of what temperature the water was, we found ourselves at the local bar — a mainstay for Back in Black and total debauchery. As my group continuously dropped more dough on shooters for nearby friends we had no idea we knew before that very moment, the level of alcoholism intensified. Details of the evening, like a drunk 17-year-old who hung her purse on the back of the chair never to see it again, were about to be lost.

Things were looking hazy. Things were getting crazy.

One guy we knew from Cooks Creek, Hot Rod, just happened to be at the bar this night. Who knows why he was there or who he was there with, but Hot Rod was of known quality — a slender, well-intentioned bloke who the camera needed to be on all all times. He wasn’t a part of our group, but once it was noted he was in the establishment, an eye was kept on the famous roadster.

End of the night. You ain’t got to go home but you have to get the fuck out of here! As we filed out of the bar to begin the long and winding stumble up the long and winding road to the cabin, someone pointed to a guy passed out on the hood of a car. It was Hot Rod. Of course it was. He just had his lights punched out. So he said. We checked in on him, just to make sure he was OK and that he wasn’t going to be driving that night (he did), and in our concern, the obvious question came up:

“What happened?”

As Hot Rod told it, or as I remember it, he went up to a girl and tried, what he thought at the time, his best line to keep his evening open for business. Even as I think about typing it out, it still makes no sense.

“You ever have a rock n’ roll fantasy?”

An interesting ice-breaker, to say the least. Confusing, but unique. It was also a pick-up line the guy she was standing directly beside didn’t really appreciate. Not at that time of the night, anyway. Bad company answered Hot Rod’s fantasy question with five fingers clenched in a right fist of reality. One punch, one car hood, one good story to share with friends when the long weekend turns to Tuesday.

As Finn says, it was blockbuster summer.

The Hold Steady was built for the long weekend. And the Friday Wrap Jam is part of my rock n’ roll fantasy.

In the underwhelming tradition of Friday Wrap Jam, Man Sandwich, and the ever popular Hump Day, I have decided to expand the non-sporting division of the 4th Star. Not a regular feature per se, but rather a sporadic journey into the tragic abyss of the world wide webular. The inaugural Bonus Features is a fantastic piece of blogging beauty. Team Awkward now in family form!

Thanks to R. Stone and her facebook attention for the heads up.

EDIT: Those loyal readers out there already know what the next one will be. Hint: It involves hot chicks and guys who seem to always be around them. Stay tuned.

The message is loud and clear. The writing is on the wall.

Yep. I’ve figured it out. With an advertising campaign as simple as an open blue hand on a newspaper website or on the side of the bus, the Winnipeg Blue Bombers have signaled to the football fanbase in this town they are shooting for the moon this season. The Blue Revolution. It’s not a product stamp, it’s a symbol for the 2009 season.

Five digits on the hand. Five wins. The drive for five!

There will be revolution if that happens. Make that a revolt.

Kidding, of course, but what the strange new marketing initiative does signal is a complete contradiction to what new head coach Mike Kelly is telling anyone who will listen. The 2009 season, the one with a new, inexperienced quarterback (whomever that will be) and the one with the brand new offensive line has nothing to do with the other ‘R’ word. Never mind about the new faces at receiver and pay no attention to the changes on the defensive side of the ball. This is not about that dreaded ‘R’ word. So there are new players at key positions. Rebuilding? No way. Re-tooling. Re-jigging. Re-booting. Re-loading. Re-branding.

Remind me why Winnipeg hasn’t won a Grey Cup in nearly two decades.

While The Database might be in a state of denial regarding his club and whether or not a rebuilding is taking place, his club’s marketing campaign seems to paint a different picture. In years past, the Bombers went the traditional CFL marketing route by placing its star players front and centre on all advertisements. You couldn’t walk down the street without seeing Milt Stegall’s intense mug on a billboard or a life-size Charlie Roberts in full gear on the side of a bus. Or Doug Brown. Or Troy Westwood. Or Tom Canada. Or Kevin Glenn.

The team’s marketing plan was built on name recognition. You know the names, you love the names, come watch them play.

This time around, there is no player association with the campaign. Just blue hand prints and vague references to joining a football revolution, as the club attempts to reach out to a younger population. Whether it’s by design from the sales team or by instruction from the new regime, the Bombers have completely distanced themselves from marketing their product with players and personalities, instead choosing to go with a no-name strategy made to inspire some mystery in the public’s mind.

Blue Revolution? What could that be?

Raise your hand if you know the answer.

Could it be the Bombers have no players to market because they don’t know who those players are yet?

Mystery solved.

Now that the parent club is cleaning out lockers, signing a few sticks, exchanging cell numbers, breaking up with waitresses who work at cookie-cutter restaurants, booking tee times, drying their tears with thousand dollar bills, and heading back to Sweden, the Manitoba Moose can probably expect to see a lot of Mike Gillis in the next week or two.

The Vancouver general manager will probably be watching a number of Moose players, players with a more than a puncher’s chance to crack the Canucks line-up, with great interest. Cory Schneider and Cody Hodgson are locks. Michael Grabner is a big maybe. Alex Bolduc, less of a chance than Garbner, but he is certainly still on the radar (which is a better position than others).

Perhaps the biggest name under the watchful eye of Gillis with be Moose head coach Scott Arniel. It’s been written before, but the third year head coach could be ready for his NHL close-up next season. AHL coaches are a hot commodity of late. Arniel’s name has circulated in the Edmonton Oilers head coach search, which indicates that others have taken notice of what he has done in his time in Winnipeg. This final four appearance by the Moose is just spicing up an already flavourful hockey resume.

And no doubt Gillis is looking past the salt and pepper.

His Canucks flamed out in the second round again this week, blowing leads to a younger Chicago team in less than spectacular fashion. Seeing how Gillis probably feels like he has the talent, the blame for that would fall on the head coach — a guy Gillis inherited when he took the GM position a year ago.

Alain Vigneault narrowly escaped the 2008 summer with his job. With just a year left on Coach V’s deal, his season showcase a playoff failure, and a suddenly coveted Arniel leading his charges to a potential Calder Cup final appearance, one has to think a change is coming. The Vancouver roster will look different, so why not change the whole picture with a new face behind the bench?

It all starts on Friday. Gillis will probably be in town, watching his prospects from the MTS Centre press box. Arniel’s prospects to be an NHL coach will be on display, too.

With Game Sevens up the wazoo, the National Hockey League playoffs are once again showing fans that the second round is the best round. Some like the opening stanza, for the sheer quantity of games on each night, but I’ve always been a second round guy. Not only is it where the wheat finds itself separated from the chaff, it’s also where you have the best hockey hockey formula: Quantity PLUS quality EQUALS three Game Sevens out of a possible four.

Let’s take a look at the three win-or-go-home match-ups:

Pittsburgh at Washington, tonight

The Penguins move on…if Sidney Crosby continues his Conn Smythe play…if Evgeni Malkin understands that the game starts at 7 p.m. eastern…if Marc-Andre Fleury decides to make a save or two…if they stay out of the penalty box and avoid the Capitals power play…if Kris Letang jumps in the play every chance he gets…if David Volek doesn’t show up for the Caps.

The Capitals move on…if Alex Ovechkin passes the puck…if Mike Green grabs a dictionary and looks up the the word ‘defence’…if Simeon Varlamov continues to have pucks just hit him…if David Steckel continues to baffle Dan Blysma’s line match-ups…if Alex Ovechkin passes the puck.

Carolina at Boston, Thursday

The Hurricanes move on…if Eric Staal scores a hat trick…if Cam Ward can pitch a shutout…if they can get over the fact they’re going to blow a 3-1 series lead…if Rod Brind’Amour, Ray Whitney, and Erik Cole show up with their hockey equipment…if the surprisingly effective Joni Pitkanen continues to make Edmonton Oilers fans shake their heads.

The Bruins move on…let’s face it, the Bruins are moving on.

Anaheim at Detroit, Thursday

The Ducks move on…if Ryan Getzlaf and Corey Perry continue to provide all the offence for their club…if the team can limit itself to 10 minor penalties…if Randy Carlyle can limit the number of bench minors to two…if Chris Pronger and Scott Neidermayer can play the whole game…if no one tells Jonas Hiller that he’s one game away from knocking off the defending champs.

The Red Wings move on…if they get the first goal…if they can avoid shooting the puck directly at Hiller’s torso…if they can allow Chris Osgood to see just one shot a period…if Pavel Datsyuk and Marian Hossa finally flip the switch…if Dan Cleary sees limited ice time…if Mike Babcock comes to his senses and gets Dan Cleary off the top three lines…if they cut Dan Cleary before the game.