the 4th star

I like Tiger Woods. Only he can make me watch golf, as it’s for a bunch of pansies who don’t play football. Real football. With big pads and helmets. None of that rugby garbage. That’s like ballroom dancing with no ball. WEAK! Where was I…oh yeah, Tiger Woods. I like Tiger Woods. Have you heard of him? He plays in the PGA and a lot of people are starting to follow his career. He’s becoming quite popular. Apparently, he was injured for a spell there and people didn’t watch as much golf as they did when he was out on the links. I know I didn’t watch. What’s the point? I only watch the best.

I like Tiger Woods. I really think he’s going to make a living out of this golf thing. He seems to win a lot. People really like a winner. That’s something about sports and people who watch sports: Winners seem to be respected, which is weird. It shouldn’t be how many games or championships you win, it should be how tough you are as a football player. Football players are tough. People don’t understand that. You don’t know what it’s like, so why am I even talking to you?  YOU’RE TOO WEAK! TAKE THAT PAPER BAG OFF YOUR HEAD, IDIOT! You call yourself a fan. Pathetic.

Back to Tiger Woods. I like Tiger Woods. He’s black, did you know that? It’s true. Tiger Woods is black and he plays golf. It’s pretty obvious when you watch him play — and he’s the only golfer I can watch play. I like watching him. I think he’s going to win, and then he does, and that makes me feel better about myself. Gosh, what a great player Tiger Woods is. I watch him and you should, too.

Jordan, Gretzky, Ovechkin, Lebron. The end.