the 4th star

It’s called pandering to the crowd. Give ‘em what they want to hear. A common example is when a band rolls through town (let’s say Winnipeg) and tells the thousands in the audience how much they love Winnipeg or how Winnipeg has the best fans in the world. It’s an easy sell and it accomplishes two things:

1. It makes Winnipeg feel good about itself.

2. It makes the band look good in Winnipeggers’ eyes.

Pandering. What else would you call hockey analyst Pierre McGuire’s suggestion to a Vancouver radio station that Canucks’ pest Alexandre Burrows is a possibility for the 2010 Canadian Olympic men’s hockey squad? Here’s Jason Botchford (The Province) with the call:

It’s not likely but it’s possible, according to analyst Pierre McGuire who created waves Monday on TEAM 1040 AM when he said Canucks forward Alex Burrows is being considered for the list of 60 players who will be invited to Hockey Canada’s summer camp at Calgary in preparation for the 2010 Vancouver Olympics.

“I’m not saying he’s going to be on the list, but I can tell you he’s part of the discussion,” McGuire said. “He’s in the conversation. It doesn’t mean he’s going to be invited, but I can tell you having talked to people close to Hockey Canada he is part of the discussion.”

Part of the discussion? Who isn’t part of the ‘discussion’ right now? Guys like Ian White, Brent Seabrook, and Mike Fisher have probably been part of some conversation at some point. That’s not news. When you think about it, the Candian pool of players isn’t as deep as it historicallly once was. So of course Burrows would come up in ‘discussion.’ Why suggest that a guy like Burrows has even a chance? Seriously. Picture the 2010 team with Burrows on it.

Someone get Anson Carter on the phone. He’s now part of the ‘discussion.’

That’s not to say there isn’t a case for Burrows. He has some efectiveness to his game, and in a couple years will be a quality player. Let’s put it this way: Guys like Shane Doan, Rick Nash, and Ryan Smyth have been given spots over the years for no other reason than being good World Championship players unable to carry bad teams into the NHL post season each year, so why not Burrows?

I knew I couldn’t write that with a straight face.

I like Tiger Woods. Only he can make me watch golf, as it’s for a bunch of pansies who don’t play football. Real football. With big pads and helmets. None of that rugby garbage. That’s like ballroom dancing with no ball. WEAK! Where was I…oh yeah, Tiger Woods. I like Tiger Woods. Have you heard of him? He plays in the PGA and a lot of people are starting to follow his career. He’s becoming quite popular. Apparently, he was injured for a spell there and people didn’t watch as much golf as they did when he was out on the links. I know I didn’t watch. What’s the point? I only watch the best.

I like Tiger Woods. I really think he’s going to make a living out of this golf thing. He seems to win a lot. People really like a winner. That’s something about sports and people who watch sports: Winners seem to be respected, which is weird. It shouldn’t be how many games or championships you win, it should be how tough you are as a football player. Football players are tough. People don’t understand that. You don’t know what it’s like, so why am I even talking to you?  YOU’RE TOO WEAK! TAKE THAT PAPER BAG OFF YOUR HEAD, IDIOT! You call yourself a fan. Pathetic.

Back to Tiger Woods. I like Tiger Woods. He’s black, did you know that? It’s true. Tiger Woods is black and he plays golf. It’s pretty obvious when you watch him play — and he’s the only golfer I can watch play. I like watching him. I think he’s going to win, and then he does, and that makes me feel better about myself. Gosh, what a great player Tiger Woods is. I watch him and you should, too.

Jordan, Gretzky, Ovechkin, Lebron. The end.