the 4th star

It’s called pandering to the crowd. Give ‘em what they want to hear. A common example is when a band rolls through town (let’s say Winnipeg) and tells the thousands in the audience how much they love Winnipeg or how Winnipeg has the best fans in the world. It’s an easy sell and it accomplishes two things:

1. It makes Winnipeg feel good about itself.

2. It makes the band look good in Winnipeggers’ eyes.

Pandering. What else would you call hockey analyst Pierre McGuire’s suggestion to a Vancouver radio station that Canucks’ pest Alexandre Burrows is a possibility for the 2010 Canadian Olympic men’s hockey squad? Here’s Jason Botchford (The Province) with the call:

It’s not likely but it’s possible, according to analyst Pierre McGuire who created waves Monday on TEAM 1040 AM when he said Canucks forward Alex Burrows is being considered for the list of 60 players who will be invited to Hockey Canada’s summer camp at Calgary in preparation for the 2010 Vancouver Olympics.

“I’m not saying he’s going to be on the list, but I can tell you he’s part of the discussion,” McGuire said. “He’s in the conversation. It doesn’t mean he’s going to be invited, but I can tell you having talked to people close to Hockey Canada he is part of the discussion.”

Part of the discussion? Who isn’t part of the ‘discussion’ right now? Guys like Ian White, Brent Seabrook, and Mike Fisher have probably been part of some conversation at some point. That’s not news. When you think about it, the Candian pool of players isn’t as deep as it historicallly once was. So of course Burrows would come up in ‘discussion.’ Why suggest that a guy like Burrows has even a chance? Seriously. Picture the 2010 team with Burrows on it.

Someone get Anson Carter on the phone. He’s now part of the ‘discussion.’

That’s not to say there isn’t a case for Burrows. He has some efectiveness to his game, and in a couple years will be a quality player. Let’s put it this way: Guys like Shane Doan, Rick Nash, and Ryan Smyth have been given spots over the years for no other reason than being good World Championship players unable to carry bad teams into the NHL post season each year, so why not Burrows?

I knew I couldn’t write that with a straight face.

I like Tiger Woods. Only he can make me watch golf, as it’s for a bunch of pansies who don’t play football. Real football. With big pads and helmets. None of that rugby garbage. That’s like ballroom dancing with no ball. WEAK! Where was I…oh yeah, Tiger Woods. I like Tiger Woods. Have you heard of him? He plays in the PGA and a lot of people are starting to follow his career. He’s becoming quite popular. Apparently, he was injured for a spell there and people didn’t watch as much golf as they did when he was out on the links. I know I didn’t watch. What’s the point? I only watch the best.

I like Tiger Woods. I really think he’s going to make a living out of this golf thing. He seems to win a lot. People really like a winner. That’s something about sports and people who watch sports: Winners seem to be respected, which is weird. It shouldn’t be how many games or championships you win, it should be how tough you are as a football player. Football players are tough. People don’t understand that. You don’t know what it’s like, so why am I even talking to you?  YOU’RE TOO WEAK! TAKE THAT PAPER BAG OFF YOUR HEAD, IDIOT! You call yourself a fan. Pathetic.

Back to Tiger Woods. I like Tiger Woods. He’s black, did you know that? It’s true. Tiger Woods is black and he plays golf. It’s pretty obvious when you watch him play — and he’s the only golfer I can watch play. I like watching him. I think he’s going to win, and then he does, and that makes me feel better about myself. Gosh, what a great player Tiger Woods is. I watch him and you should, too.

Jordan, Gretzky, Ovechkin, Lebron. The end.

The title of the thread on the real Winnipeg Blue Bombers message board is ‘The Data Base,’ started by a chap named snowboy. Let’s take a look at what he has to say:

The next peep to mention the data base should immediately be put in their playpen and not be allowed to re-emerge until the snow melts. Seriously….it is a well worn joke that is no longer funny. It’s annoying. If you like repetition, watch commercials on TV all day, but stay the h–l off this board.

This is in reference to head coach Mike Kelly’s famous ‘database’ of players that he’s alluded to several times in his brief command of the good ship Blue Bomber. It seems commentators have taken to referencing the ‘database’ as much as Kelly has when opining on how the football club will fare this coming season. Of course, how plentiful this ‘database’ might be is up for debate these days, as Coach K is having a devil of a time finding a guy who can kick a football off a tee AND bang it off the top of his foot into a strong north Winnipeg wind. The ‘database’ doesn’t seem to recognize kicker/punter as an acceptable format.

Troy Westwood? What a great idea. Per Penton:

As for former Bomber kicker Troy Westwood, who turned 42 last weekend, Kelly said he would be used only in an emergency. “And I’ll be the one that will have the paddles on his chest when we call,” Kelly cracked.

The Data Base will forever define this season. When the Bombers stumble out of the gate, painting losses as meaningful games in the development of a rebuilding team, fans and media alike will wonder aloud where this ‘database’ is and why the ‘database’ hasn’t delivered players who can play better than the ones currently on the field.

Think not winning a Grey Cup in 18 years is a joke? Do you cringe when you hear the name Jeff Reinbold? Don’t worry, there’s a new punchline in town, and even the Bombers message board is embracing it. Play us out, mbsoftball:

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Data Base.

Data Base who?

Mike Kelly’s database.

After a week missed, it’s Man Sandwich-time, ladies! So JT was on Oprah yesterday, talking about his new clothing line. Not sure about the glasses, but still silky when it counts. Here’s a tip, Justin: When you go to all these talk shows pimping your latest venture, try to wear something different each time out. Like I’m one to talk. I’ve been sporting the same sweater vest since Bure.

“I don’t feel tardy.”

Listen. I have no excuse. Someone even emailed me to ask ‘Where the fuck is the Friday Wrap Jam today?’ Before you get all offended with the language (or lack thereof) please be advised that I actually had to clean up his query regarding the weekly musical selection.

To be expected, though. Everyone is tense these days. Southern Manitoba is on high flood alert and there’s a new forecast every 15 minutes. People are remembering flood stories that didn’t quite happen that way. Reporter twittering is at an all time high. Women and children first. Fargo is sinking and they’re going under. Panic is setting in.

Our pets’ heads are falling off!

How much longer can this madness go on before we run to higher ground? Hills will do.

Question: Hey, why do you keep hating on the boys at TSN so much?

Answer: Oh, I don’t know, but this is a good place to start.

First, TSN decided to talk the non-issue surrounding Alex Ovechkin into the ground — so much so that Ovechkin himself turns an intermission interview into an on-air spanking on the 80-pound James Cybalski in the bowels of the Air Canada Centre the other night. Now the network has decided to blow on the fading embers of the story by putting together a piece about how Washington coach Bruce Boudreau became annoyed with the same old questions today:

“It’s 10 friggin days since it happened,” an irate Boudreau told TSN.  “We have talked to Tampa’s coaches, we have said our speech. The people that are bringing the crap up are you guys. Nobody cares about it anymore. You guys want to bring it up because you want to see a riot, then you want to talk about retribution. It’s the dumbest thing in the world. You gotta have better stuff to talk about.”

The reigning Jack Adams Award winner was not done there, as he continued to blame the Canadian media for creating a story where he believed that there was none.

“You guys coming from Toronto to find out an answer on retribution where there should be no retribution at all,” he continued. “He scored his 50th goal in a zero-zero game. It wasn’t 8-0 where he made a mockery. If Tampa scores a couple of goals and wants to do a celebration, go for it. We have talked to everybody we can talk about. It’s a done deal as far as I’m concerned.”

Yeah, ten days is a lot to give a story, guys. Ten days is a lifetime to give a non-story.

The other night, after Cybalski’s stupid question blew up in his face, studio host James Duthie starts off the segment by jokingly suggesting they (TSN) have given the topic too much play. Bob McKenzie, the only sensible one on the panel, quickly agrees. Duthie then attempts to grow a full discussion on the topic of overkill, bringing the Ovechkin celebration subject and it’s un- Canadian way front and centre again.

What’s funny is that TSN doesn’t get it. They think they’re being funny, or that people at home want to keep hearing about this. They think they’re the only game in town when it comes to hockey coverage in this country and for actual live games during the week, maybe they are. But what they don’t realize is that by continuing to play up things like this or replaying the same old tired highlights (the Top 10 on the dinner cast is pathetic) they have become a joke of ESPN proportions. Any sane or sensible sports fan in Canada already knows that what these guys do or say isn’t real analysis or insight — despite how loud or how often they say it or how many monkeys they bring on set.

As a whole they have become what Don Cherry already is.

A ridiculous vehicle for boosterism and sensationalization. That’s the un-Canadian part in all this.

Wait a second. You can do this?

“She quit but because the working conditions were intolerable,” attorney William Vogeler said on Wednesday. “We allege it was a violation of labor laws that protect people from working in unhealthy situations.”

So as Kobe Bryant’s image continues to struggle to find any semblance of cool, his former teammate Shaquille O’Neal continues to rule as the definition of fun times. This video is pretty Shaq-arific, but not as good as his Twitter Tweet (or Twat, as per Stephen Colbert on The Today Show) tonight. How many professional athletes would leave a ticket at will call — first come, first serve for the Phoenix Suns game against the Utah Jazz — with the simple instruction of just telling the guy or gal at the window “Twitter?”

“I have one ticket laft at will call under twitter, first one there its yurs just say twitter.“

Thought I’d give mention to Japan for winning the 2009 World Baseball Classic in this space, seeing how I have nothing prepared for the weekly Hump Day feature.

The WBC has taken a lot of heat through its run, many hammering it on the basis that if the American side didn’t take it seriously, why should the American public, the American media, and in a show of true Red, White, and Blue arrogance, the rest of the world?

Some even criticized it without even watching it. That’s good analysis there.

Just because the mighty USA, specifically the management group, didn’t treat it as a real event doesn’t mean it wasn’t a great tournament. Some players chose not to play and that’s fine, but what we saw is the guys who did want participate actually do care about playing for their country. That was easy to recognize and I bet there are more than a few star players telling their agents that they will not take a pass the next time the event comes up. Which will make the tournament even better in the coming years, regardless if the Americans take it seriously or not.

The WBC is not going anywhere. Not when the rest of the world is watching.

And don’t worry, Reon Kadena is 23-years-old. I checked.

The Washington Capitals are taking on the Toronto Maple Leafs at the Air Canada Centre tonight. The contest can be seen on TSN.

Don’t worry. It’s not too late to get together with some buddies (or just grab a bottle of firewater or a case of beer solo), sit around the television, and participate in a new drinking game I just came up with:

Every time a TSN guy mentions Alex Ovechkin’s celebration, you know, the one where he dropped his stick and pretended it was too hot to pick up after scoring his 50th goal, throw the bottle or case of beer at the TV and go to a movie. You should be able to catch the early show.

Sound good?

David Shoalts brings up a good point leading up to tonight’s game. He writes how Ron Wilson, coach of the Toronto Maple Leafs, is tired of talking about it and blames the media for giving legs to a story that has obviously run its course.

“[It's] because you guys have nothing better to talk about to be perfectly honest,” Wilson said. “I haven’t heard or seen on ESPN in the United States a big deal about this. It’s up here [in Canada].”

Well, with March Madness going on, the World Baseball Classic wrapping up, and the NFL Draft approaching, it’s no wonder why, Ron. Anyway, Shoalts brings up an interesting connection to athletes antics and media overkill, building on what Wilson said:

Invoking ESPN, that great arbiter of taste, was an interesting twist. No television network in the world has done more to glorify the self-promoters of sport. The explosion of look-at-me behaviour in the last 25 years is because those athletes know their cheap antics will be played repeatedly on ESPN’s Sports Center, the ratings monster of highlight shows.

He mentions ESPN and (and later Don Cherry) by name in the story, but I get the sense reading between the lines that he is directing it the loud, bright red studio set out of Toronto.

Final word goes to Brad May. The hard-nosed Maple Leafs winger, whose ice style screams the traditional Canadian hockey values of toughness, heart, and playing the game the right way, was asked what he thought of Ovechkin and his celebrations:

“I love him. I love watching him. He’s got passion.”

And that’s the basic story here, isn’t it? Hockey player plays with passion. This just in, Ovechkin has been doing this for three years. And join us later tonight to hear how he likes to skate fast and shoot the puck hard, and the league’s reaction to it.

Do I really need to buy a new TV? After all, summer is right around the corner.

How did I do in my brackets, you ask? Well, after a disappointing 23-9 start on the Thursday and Friday, I am sitting comfortable with twelve teams left out of the sixteen that remain. Not great, but I do have seven out of my Elite Eight teams left and all four of my final four picks are still alive. Thanks a lot, West Virginia. Way to lose to Dayton. I thought Western Kentucky would do more, too. A team I am worried about that I didn’t select for the final four is Conneticut. If I had a do over, I might give them a little more consideration to make it out of March.