the 4th star

Oh sure. It’d be easy as pie for me to look at the Academy Award nominees for best actress and throw up a pic of Angelina Jolie or Anne Hathaway and tell you how hot they are, but simple and obvious is not our style. Instead, here’s Kate Winslet, who gets nominated every year. Is she hot? I think she might be. Remember Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? Yeah, the movie was kinda dumb, but she was pretty cool as Clementine. Cool and hot. More Kate here:

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Comedy, thy name is Krusty The Onion.

NEW YORK—After the records of players who used performance-enhancing drugs are carefully removed, statistics provided by the Elias Sports Bureau indicate that lifetime .255 hitter Craig Counsell was the best player of the past 15 years. “If you judge them on the basis of pure physical ability, you’re left with Craig Counsell,” said ESB representative Patrick Wondolowski, adding that Counsell’s 35 career home runs narrowly beat out Quinton McCracken’s 21 and pitcher Glendon Rusch’s three. Upon hearing the news, broadcaster Bob Uecker lauded the Brewers utilityman as “one of the best I ever saw, if we’re talking about those who I can say without a doubt never took steroids. He came this close to stealing a base off of Ivan Rodriguez, and I swear I heard him foul tip a Roger Clemens fastball. The kid could flat-out steroid-free play. One time he was playing third base and he caught a Rafael Palmeiro line drive—just caught it, right in his mitt.” When asked about his Hall of Fame chances, Counsell dodged the question by asking if anyone had a few bucks so he could go buy a sandwich.

I’ve been immersed in Walt Whitman all day. The great American poet, gay as the guy who hung himself in Harvey Milk’s apartment, sure likes to write long poems, eh? Leaves of Grass is making my head spin, so I’m going to take a break and look at some sports. A sports break, if you will.

On the subject of prima donnas, just reading how Alexei Kovalev has been given some time off by the Montreal Canadiens. No mention of a trade or anything like that, he just is being told to take a break for the rest of this week.

Gainey said he decided that Kovalev should take a few days away from the team. Speaking in French, Gainey said he told Kovalev the team has no need for his services the way he’s currently playing. He added that Kovalev was tired and wasn’t playing with any emotion.

How does a guy who has been playing at half speed all season get tired?

Hey-oooo!

With a year to go before the puck drops on the biggest hockey tournament on Canadian soil since the ’72 Summit Series, everyone who covers the game in this country has submitted his or her picks for the Team Canada…er, team.

All should have come with the disclaimer “Not that you give a crap, but…”

Most did not, however. Pulling names out of thin air and coming across as some sort of hockey expert when selecting a team that won’t see the ice A YEAR FROM NOW is a waste of time. So many things can change between now and then. That doesn’t stop Canadian flagbearer Don Cherry Pierre McGuire from showing his ego is fully developed, too. Not only did the TSN website have a story pumping the tires on McGuire’s picks tonight, they also set up a second link on the page, encouraging people with no lives to ask the “expert” about his selections — questions he will answer during the intermission of tonight’s Ottawa-Nashville game.

I don’t know about you, but I haven’t been able to sleep not knowing who Grapes McGuire thinks should be the third string goaltender for the Canadian squad.

I just noticed something on the TSN website, too. When you go to a story, like say this one about some big Canadian dude signing with Toronto’s CFL team, readers are allowed to comment on the story. But when you go to something one of their staffers write, whether it be a blog/column or just a cross advertisement (like the McGuire thing), the comments are locked shut. Could it be that TSN doesn’t want fans questioning its “expert” analysis?

UPDATE: What the eff? TSN just posted Sir Pierre’s picks and now they have the comments open. Nice consistency, guys.

Well, I never thought this day would come.

I would have loved to been back for another round of being dreadfully out of position and a full step behind the play, but what are you going to do? If you think I’m not going to enjoy myself and LIVE MY LIFE you’re crazy. I don’t even like football. It’s nothing like surfing or skating or wake boarding or base jumping. There’s no play action on any of those to really screw you up, either. God I hate play action. It looks like they’re going to run, but then they don’t. How is that fair? Quarterbacks are mean. LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO WORRY ABOUT THAT.

I’m going to miss everything about Winnipeg. The crowd, the love, Earls Polo Park, the missed tackles, Earls on Main, that other Earls we went to that one time when we got blasted after that loss to Montreal…so many memories. I wish I could remember them.

Thanks again to the 4th Star for giving me this opportunity to say goodbye. I will miss you all and wish everyone of you the best for life. And if you think it’s ridiculous for a player to be able to say goodbye like this…well, too bad. I’m just LIVING MY LIFE.

Thank you.

Goodbye Winnipeg. I’ll be on the beach. Namaste.

Livin’ La Pura Vida Loca

Wearing the colours of the Hartford Wolf Pack, Sean Avery makes his American Hockey League debut against the Manitoba Moose tonight. With the New York Rangers (Hartford’s NHL parent) in a total free fall these days and looking for any spark to save the season, I can’t imagine Avery spending more than a few games in the AHL before the Rangers roll the dice on him.

If I had a time machine, the Moose-Wolf Pack would have been a game I’d make some time for tonight — and not for the obvious Winnipeg-Hartford, two former NHL sad sack sisters, match-up.

No doubt Avery will be looking to keep his nose clean, but if this was a few years ago, when the Moose had some real agitators like Mike Brown or Alex Burrows skating up and down the wing, methinks the super pest would have his hands full in that regard. Too bad. Nothing like seeing a guy on the edge jump at the first sign of trouble.

On a side note, Manitoba is the best club in the AHL this season but I wonder if that lack of sandpaper up front will hurt the Moose down the road.

For the ladies, the dark smoldering eyes of Vancouver Canucks defenceman Kevin Bieksa should suffice for the weekly Man Sandwich. And look, he loves kids! That should be enough to put him over the top this day.

For the hockey fan, Bieksa makes the grade today thanks to his ridiculous selection to the coming Canadian Olympic hockey team by the legendary Red Fisher.

Two things about the pick:

1. How could he pick Bieksa over guys like Nashville’s Shea Weber or Calgary’s Dion Phaneuf? Those two top a lengthy list of players many would pick ahead of the multi-faceted Bieksa. And remember: I am a longtime Canucks fan over here and any inclusion of Vancouver players on the national squad would be welcome, but Bieksa?

2. I wonder how many games has Fisher actually seen Bieksa play? The Canucks do not hit La Belle Province too often and there’s no way Fisher is staying up late to catch the Canucks on the West Coast. He’s probably already made a few trips to the john by the time the puck drops at GM Place. So what is he basing this pick on?

A recent purge of those things called compact disks (I know, what?) revealed some Hot Hot Heat the other day. A recent discussion with someone in the “business” revealed an agreement that this band had a very specific sound which seemed unable to carry itself through the years. A recent re-listen of the aforementioned CD revealed this was in fact the case. Take heart, Hot Hot Heat: We will always have that six-month period in 2003 to look back on. And the Friday Wrap Jam. Let’s not forget that.

(I should really write about sports soon)

HOLY CRAP! The best hockey blog on the planet, Puck Daddy, had this on its page this afternoon, and I have to have it on here right now. This video of hockey goal calls is the funniest thing I’ve seen since Joaquin Phoenix was on Letterman. And that was comedy. Some back story on the Panthers play-by-play fun (courtesy of PD):

Randy Moller and Dan Le Batard, who hosts a sports-talk show on 790 The Ticket, conspired on a little experiment this season: Callers to Le Batard’s show would suggest pop culture references for Moller, and he would then use them during his goal-calls for Panthers games.

More from the Miami Herald:

Moller takes suggestions from listeners during a crossover with Le Batard and Weiner on nights of Panthers games, jots down the best, and uses them at moments he deems appropriate. He saves some that he likes but has no opportunity to use that night. He said hundreds of fans have e-mailed him with suggestions, including some from Western Canada who hear the broadcasts on satellite radio.

”We’re having a blast with it,” Moller said. “I take the position very seriously, but I don’t take myself too seriously. But if we’re down 5-0 with two minutes left and score a goal, I’m not going to do something. It doesn’t fit the situation.”

The Panthers have been supportive — team president Michael Yormark ”knows I won’t go over the line,” Moller said — and Moller is careful to show restraint.

”I absolutely stay away from anything that could be perceived as controversial or racial or derogatory,” he said. “And I don’t think we need the goal calls to become bigger than the goal itself. I don’t want it to become a sideshow. If the mood and timing are right, I will continue this.”

L.A. face with an Oakland booty!

Being the intrepid journalist I am, I just came across something that happened LAST WEEK. Oh yeah, professional reporter at work here. Anyway, it seems William Houston will no longer be writing for The Globe and Mail. Too bad. His gig, one where he reports on the sports media in Canada and the USA, always made for a more interesting read than the actual sports the newspapers, radio and television subjects covered. He called it fair; praise for good work and he wasn’t afraid to call a broadcaster out when they did a terrible job. His final line in Saturday’s column:

After more than 5,000 bylines in The Globe and Mail over 29 years, this is my last. I’m moving on to new pursuits. I leave with fond memories and good friendships. Thanks for reading.

Nice and simple.