the 4th star

Sunday is not just for church and gambling is not just for football, people. You don’t have to look very hard to find some action on the 81st Academy Awards, that’s for sure. Another sure thing: Hugh Jackman will not be funny as host. We won’t watch a single second of this, but let’s get to the picks anyway…

Best Picture — The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Frost/Nixon, Milk, The Reader, Slumdog Millionaire

Where’s Paul Blart? Highway robbery. Let’s see…I’ve seen Milk. I meant to see Slumdog. I want to see Frost/Nixon. The others, who cares? A guy gets younger as the years go by? What a dumb premise. I’m going to bet heavy on Slumdog. Milk wasn’t fantastic, and there has to be something better out there.

Best Director — Danny Boyle (Slumdog Millionaire), Stephen Daldry (The Reader), David Fincher (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button), Ron Howard (Frost/Nixon), Gus Van Sant (Milk)

Dan Boyle. Good director, great defenceman on the power play.

Best Actor — Richard Jenkins (The Visitor), Frank Langella (Frost/Nixon), Sean Penn (Milk), Brad Pitt (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button), Mickey Rourke (The Wrestler)

Hmmm…tough one. Pitt is boiling hot. Rourke is fucking crazy. Penn is Bono-preachy. Langella is Bea Arthur old. Jenkins is…don’t know who he is. Everyone is saying Rourke will win, but I’m going to take a stab on Penn. I haven’t seen the other films, but I bet he kissed more guys then they did.

Best Actress — Anne Hathaway (Rachel Getting Married), Angelina Jolie (Changeling), Melissa Leo (Frozen River), Meryl Streep (Doubt), Kate Winslet (The Reader)

As I pointed out, there’s some serious sexiness in the category. Winslet.

Best Supporting Actor — Why even list the other nominees? If Heath Ledger (The Dark Knight) doesn’t win Hollywood should stab itself in the eye with a pencil and then burn to the ground.

Best Supporting Actress — Amy Adams (Doubt), Penélope Cruz (Vicky Cristina Barcelona), Viola Davis (Doubt), Taraji P. Henson (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button), Marisa Tomei (The Wrestler)

Tough call. We like the Tomei/Seinfeld connection and if my name was Costanza I’d go with her. Even though she doesn’t know how to sit on a couch, Cruz is lights out gorgeous, so she’ll get my support — however and whenever and in whatever position she needs me.