Excuse Me, But I Have to Take This
(alarms sound)
(voice comes over the intercom)
STOP PROGRAMMING! STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING!
SOMEONE GET IN THE ANCHOR’S CHAIR, WHERE’S SMITH? WE HAVE TO GET THIS ON THE AIR RIGHT NOW! SCREW THE COMMERCIALS! THIS IS OUR 9/11, PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS BEFORE WE KNOW IT EVEN HAPPENS!
PANELISTS! WHERE ARE THE PANELISTS? PANELISTS, ARE YOU READY?
ASSUME THE POSITIONS!
WE’VE BEEN PUMPING THIS UP FOR FOUR WEEKS NOW AND OUR FIRST BIG TRADE HAS COME THROUGH! THE TICKER WE HAVE ON THE WEBSITE IS WORKING!
MAKE SURE EVERYONE PUTS THEIR BLACKBERRIES ON THE DESK SO THAT OUR VIEWERS CAN SEE HOW WELL OUR HOCKEY INSIDERS ARE CONNECTED TO THE HOCKEY WORLD! WE’LL HAVE SOMEONE CALL YOU GUYS ONCE WE’RE ON AIR! IT WILL LOOK GREAT!
THIS IS IT, EVERYONE! LET’S NOT BLOW IT!
HERE WE GO! THREE…TWO…(silent beat)…
The Ottawa Senators acquired centre Mike Comrie and defenceman Chris Campoli in exchange for centre Dean McAmmond and the San Jose Sharks’ 2009 first-round draft pick.
(panel readying for reaction)
WE TOTALLY KNEW THAT TRADE WAS GOING TO HAPPEN! OH MY GOD! WHAT A DEAL! WHAT A DEAL FOR EVERYONE! WOW! BE VERY HAPPY OTTAWA FANS, YOU JUST GOT MIKE COMRIE BACK! FORGET ABOUT HOW INDIFFERENT HE WAS THE LAST TIME HE WAS THERE! THAT’S NOT THE REAL MIKE COMRIE!
LET THE INSANITY BEGIN!
HOCKEY FANS, ARE YOU READY? THE TRADING CRAZINESS IS UNDERWAY! AAAAAHHHHHH!
[...] “I didn’t feel my Blackberry buzzing,” he said, near tears following an emotional embrace with Gord Miller. “I was hoping for a flurry of trades this deadline. I’ve made a living off of the precarious nature of the professional athlete…I just didn’t think I would be a part of the meat market. [...]
Deadline Deal « the 4th star
February 27, 2009 at 8:48 pm